The Impractical Fool/Transcript

Transcript:
Note: Line in red is cut from most television airings.

Haunting:

 * (The Episode Begins with Katie Sitting on her Balcony Trying on Binoculars)
 * (With it, Katie Can See at the Same Time)
 * (Now Katie Sees John Eating Food in her Place)
 * (In the Other Way, she Sees Monica Sneaking Forward)
 * (Katie Understands What's Happening, and Calls Milly)
 * Katie: Milly, a girl is trying to take John.
 * Milly: What should I do? I can't handle her alone.
 * Katie: Go to the window, Milly, and see what they're really up to.
 * Milly: I don't dare.
 * Katie: Do it anyway.
 * (Milly Looks Out the Window, and Sees Monica Going to John)
 * Milly: Why, that fat skink. I'll show him.
 * (Monica Gives John a Nut)
 * Monica: Come along and you'll get...
 * (Suddenly, Milly Moans Like a Ghost)
 * Milly: Woooooo!
 * (Monica and John Watch)
 * (There's a Ghost in Milly's Place)
 * (Monica Rushes From There, He's Very Scared of Ghosts)
 * Monica: They say there's no such thing.
 * John: Then it's still awful to see one!
 * (John is Also Afraid of the Ghost, but Calms Down Quickly When Milly Lifts the Sheet up)
 * Milly: Katie figured I was going to haunt.
 * Monica: Tevin, a ghost scared me.
 * Tevin: I'm not paying you for fairy tales!

Monica Talks About Kris Stewarts/Monica Pranks Milly:

 * (Scene Begins with Milly's House)
 * Announcer: And that was the latest Phil Collins at the New York Band. And now, for all you folks who ends at the contest for a date with The Vocalisters lead singer, Kris Stewarts, tomorrow's the big day. If you're the winner, this little girl could call you.
 * Milly: She's gorgeous!
 * Monica: You really like her, don't you, Milly?
 * Milly: Like her? I love her! Can you imagine if I won the date with her? Oh! Monica, what if she really calls me? What'll I say? What'll I wear?
 * (The Door Bell Rings)
 * Monica: Maybe that's her.
 * (Milly Rushes to the Door, Screaming with Delight)
 * Olivia: You're not gonna believe it! The cooking with cup cake TV show wants me to send in a video of me baking something. I'm gonna be a star!
 * Monica: Hey, Penny gave me her video camera. Maybe I could tape it for you.
 * Olivia: Gee, Monica, would you? I'd really appreciate it.
 * Monica: It's a deal.
 * (Meanwhile, at School)
 * Zander: An isosceles triangle is a triangle with two equal angles, and two sides that are the same length.
 * (School Bell Rings)
 * Zander: Don't forget term projects are due on Monday. Have a nice weekend.
 * (Scene Fades to Milly's House)
 * (Milly's Phone Rings)
 * Milly: I'll get it. Hello? Who?!
 * Monica (Imitating Kris Stewarts' Voice): Kris Stewarts here.
 * Milly: Oh, Ms. Stewarts, is it really you?
 * Monica: The one and only dreamboat.
 * Milly: You mean I've won? We're really going out on a date?
 * Monica: You'd better believe it, poundcake.
 * (Milly Squeals with Delight)
 * Monica: Cool it, cool it. I hate it with my fans, but my public, so I want it to be a little private.
 * Milly: Private. Right, whatever you say. I don't care.
 * Monica: Good. Meet me at the top of the clock tower at 6pm tonight.
 * Milly: Got it. I'll be there, Ms. Stewarts.
 * Monica: And, uh, call me Kris, dollface. Bye-bye.
 * (Monica Laughs, Thinking it's a Joke)
 * Milly: Oh, yes! Yes! (Squeals with Delight)

Olivia's Cooking Disaster:

 * (Scene Fades to Olivia in the House)
 * Olivia (Off-Screen): Are you sure I need this hat?
 * Monica: Sure I'm sure. It makes you look like a real chef.
 * Olivia: Okay, whatever you say, Monica. You're the director.
 * Monica: Lights, camera, action!
 * Olivia: Uh, t-t-today I'm g-g-g-gonna make a l-l-l-lemon pie. Start w-w-with the cup of flour--
 * Monica (Off-Screen): I can't see! Where's the bowl?!
 * Olivia: Oh, there it is. (Nervous Giggle) N-Now let's add two tablespoons of sugar.
 * (Olivia Tips the Milk Over, and Spills it)
 * (Olivia Gasps)
 * Olivia: Oh, no!
 * (Olivia Tries to Pick up the Milk)
 * Monica: Never mind the milk. Get to the salt.
 * (Olivia Does That)
 * Monica (Off-Screen): No, Olivia, not the salt! More flour!
 * Olivia: Not more flour!
 * Monica (Off-Screen): Squeeze the lemons, will you?!
 * (Olivia Tries to Go as Fast as She Can)
 * Monica: Come on, hurry up, Olivia! I'm running out of tape!
 * (Olivia Puts the Pie in the Oven)
 * Olivia: Sorry about the mess. The pie's gonna taste great.
 * Monica: Olivia, the oven!
 * (Olivia Opens the Over, and the Pie is Burnt)
 * Olivia: My pie! It's ruined, ruined!

Milly and her Friends Pranked by Monica:

 * (Scene Fades to the Clock Tower)
 * Milly: Oh, no! I'm gonna be late!
 * (Milly Runs up the Stairs of the Clock tower a Few at a Time)
 * (Milly Gets to the Top to Find John and Tevin There)
 * Milly: John! Tevin! What are you two doing here?
 * John: We-- We were waiting for Kris Stewarts.
 * Milly: That's not true. I have a date with Kris Stewarts.
 * Tevin: So do we.
 * Milly: But I won the contest.
 * John: Us, too.
 * Milly, John, and Tevin: Who's that?
 * (Margaret Shows up)
 * Milly, John, and Tevin: Margaret?
 * Margaret: But where's Kris Stewarts?
 * Monica (Deep Voice): Hi, dollfaces.
 * Milly: You're Kris Stewarts?
 * Monica (Normal Voice): Gotcha! (Laughing Hysterically) I did it! I really did it!
 * Milly: This is the worse practical joke you've ever pulled!
 * Monica: No, it's the best! You should've seen your face running up the step. I thought you were gonna bust a gun!
 * Margaret: Monica, we're gonna bust you!
 * Monica: Hey, no, lighten up. Can't you take a little joke? It was just for fun.
 * (Milly, John, Tevin, and Margaret Looks Angry at Monica)

Another Day at School:

 * (Scene Fades to the School)
 * Zander: Good morning, class. Before we begin with the presentation, let me congratulate you on this wonderful day of term projects. Katie, would you like to be first?
 * Katie: Yes, Zander. Thank you.
 * (Katie Walks Up)
 * Katie: My project is a demonstration of a fender force, as it relates to molecules. And I've put together a model and a video to help explain it.
 * (The Video Shows Olivia’s Failed Cooking Attempt Instead)
 * Katie (Off-Screen): Molecules are held together in a group which--
 * (The Class Laughs at the Video)
 * Olivia: Oh, man.
 * (The Video Goes On and On, and the Class Laughs More)
 * Zander: Katie, turn off the tape.
 * (Katie Turns off the Tape)
 * Zander: What is the meaning of this, Katie?
 * Katie: I-I-I honestly don't know. I don't know what happened. I was sabotaged.
 * (Monica Laughs Hysterically)
 * Monica: Gotcha!

Milly's Plan/"One Joke for Monica":

 * (Scene Fades to an Ice Cream Shop)
 * Vocalisa: Nothing like ice cream to cheer you up.
 * Milly: Monica has to be stopped.
 * Olivia: Right. She needs her just desserts.
 * Katie: Hmm. And I think I know just how to give it to her.
 * (Scene Fades to Monica Walking Down the Street)
 * Katie: Here she comes!
 * (Tevin Puts Up a Bucket of Water)
 * (Milly and her Friends Ready Themselves)
 * (Monica Whistles While she Walks)
 * Monica: Hmm. What have we here?
 * (Monica Crosses an Arrow Down the Path)
 * (Monica Sees a Hole in the Fence)
 * Monica: Very interesting.
 * (Milly and her Friends Laugh)
 * (Monica Twigs What They’re Up to and Uses a Stick to Push Through the Hole in the Fence the Arrows Pointed to)
 * Milly and her Friends: Gotcha, Monica!
 * Monica: Not even close. Did you guys really think I'd fall for that old trick? I'm a pro at this game. Nobody can sucker me. Boy, do I love a practical joke.
 * (Hip-Hop Music is Heard)
 * Monica: "I'm a joker from the class. Come and tell a joke while it lasts. I'm a cute kid with random. Tell some jokes so I can make 'em. The original joking gnome. Start a fun my way back home."
 * Milly and her Friends: "Joker, joker, say make a joking joker. Joker, joker, one joke for Monica. Hubba-hubba-hubba."
 * John: "Monica makes a joke with her."
 * Monica: "Tell a joke."
 * Tevin: "Monica takes a bath with us."
 * Monica: "Not to choke."
 * Milly: "Monica likes to do this."
 * Monica: "All the time."
 * Milly and her Friends: "Monica makes a funny prank."
 * Monica: "Not sublime."
 * Milly and her Friends: "Hubba-hubba-go, Monica. Hubba-hubba-go, Monica. Hubba-hubba-go, Monica. Hubba-hubba. Joker, joker, say make a joking joker. Joker, joker, one joke for Monica. Joker, joker, say make a joking joker. Joker, joker, one joke for Monica."
 * Monica: "I'm Monica!"

Milly and her Friends Prank Monica:

 * (Monica Keeps Walking, but a Flying Saucer Zooms Past in the Sky)
 * Monica: Hey, a flying saucer. I knew they were real. I have to find it.
 * (Monica Follows the Saucer to the Forest)
 * Monica: Wow.
 * (The Saucer is Now on the Ground)
 * (The Saucer Reveals Two Aliens to Greet Monica)
 * Alien #1: Hello, earthling. Afraid to not be. In peace we come.
 * Monica: Uh, welcome to Rosemary-Land. I, uh, read all about Martians. You are Martians, aren't you?
 * Alien #1: Martians we, yes. Monica you.
 * Monica: How-- How do you know who I am?
 * Alien #1: Observing you we have been.
 * Alien #2: Smartest girl in Rosemary-Land you are.
 * Monica: Well, I don't mean to admit it, but you're right. I am the smartest girl in Rosemary-Land. At least when I read my books.
 * Alien #2: With us, you come to our home. Great need for your brain our planet has.
 * Alien #1: Our problems are brains solve.
 * Monica: Gosh, you really must be in trouble. I accept. I'll go with you.
 * Alien #1: Mistaken you are.
 * Alien #2: Not you we need. Just your brain.
 * Monica: What? Wait a minute. I'm not that smart. You should see my report card. I fail on everything. Ask anybody.
 * (Monica Falls Out of the Ship, and Into Some Water)
 * (Milly and John Reveal Themselves)
 * Milly and her Friends: Got you!
 * (Milly and her Friends Laugh at Monica)
 * Monica: I don't find it funny!
 * Vocalisa: What's a matter, Monica, can't take a joke?
 * Margaret: We knew you'd be expecting us to pull a joke on you.
 * Olivia: And we knew you hadn't fallen for that water gag at the fence, but it did throw you off guard.
 * Monica: Well, I must admit, it did. Maybe you do hit.
 * Vocalisa: Awesome what you can do with carboard and Christmas lights, isn't it?
 * Katie: And we borrowed this from Emmy.
 * (The Saucer is Just a Model, Making Milly and her Friends Laugh)
 * Monica: It sure looked real to me. Actually, it was a pretty good practical joke. For beginners. As a matter of fact, I can think of a few of Milly's friends to pull this on. Of course, we have to make a few changes, put a fresh coat of paint--
 * (Milly and her Friends Look Confused)