The Copy-Virtues/Transcript

A New Exotic Food Section!

 * (The episode starts with the virtues at Elmore Shopping. Charity and Patient pass by the exotic food section)


 * Patient: Charity, look! There's a new exotic food section!


 * Charity: Cowboy caviar?


 * Patient: (Eats caviar) Yum! What is it?


 * Charity: (Gasps) Umm... eggs? From... cowboys?


 * Patient: (Gulps) I'm judging from your expression that my life will be better if I just believe that.


 * Charity: (Nods and puts caviar back on the shelf) Ewww! Look at this one, Patient! Minced fat and connective tissues in a cellulose casing, sprayed with liquid flavoring and saltwater?! That's the worst thing I've ever- Oh, what do you know, it's just hot dogs.


 * Patient: It's not as weird as powdered goat milk. Who needs that?


 * Charity: A lactose-intolerant astronaut.


 * (Both snicker and walk away. Two characters, similar-looking to Charity and Patient, enter the stage and perform the exact same thing as Charity and Patient)


 * Patience Patientia: Charity Caritas, look! There's a new exotic food section!


 * Charity Caritas: Ewww! Look at this one, Patience Patientia! Minced fat and connective tissues in a cellulose casing-


 * Charity: (Clears throat) Uh, what is going on here?


 * Charity Caritas: Uh, what is going on here?


 * Charity Caritas and Charity: (Growl and walk around each other, as if preparing to face off) You want to copy, huh? Well, copy this! (They each grab food off a shelf and begin to eat it, then laugh)


 * Charity: Hah! I just made you eat cowboy caviar!


 * Patient: Dude! He's standing next to the lychees!


 * Charity: Wait, so... (Gags)


 * (Charity Caritas gags)


 * (Charity gags)


 * (Charity Caritas gags)


 * Patient: Stop it! It makes me wanna ralph when other people- (Gags)


 * (Patience Patientia gags)


 * (Charity gags)


 * (Charity Caritas gags)


 * (Patient gags)


 * (Patience Patientia gags)


 * (All of them gag)

In the Car

 * (Cut to the virtues in the car)


 * Charity: So, we were in the exotic food aisle, and they were copying everything we did!


 * Kind: Exotic food. (Smacks lips)


 * Patient: They were like us, but fake, like margarine to our butter.


 * Kind: Margarine and butter. (Smacks lips together again)


 * Charity: Seriously, it was like looking in a mirror made of meat.


 * Kind: Mirror. (Smacks lips again)


 * Charity: Are you even listening to what we're saying?


 * Temper: Oh, honey, everyone has a doppelgänger. Remember that sunburnt guy's belly that looked like Diligence?


 * (Temper shows her phone with a picture of a guy's sunburnt belly. Diligence frowns)


 * Charity: You don't understand, they were literally copying everything we— (Gasps) There they are!


 * (Charity points to another family in the car driving right beside them; Both families look at each other)


 * Temper: What the?


 * Temperance Temperantia: What the?


 * (The family crashes in a tollbooth. Milk Guy falls out of the booth and spills while the copy-virtues drives away)

The Incredible World of Charity Caritas

 * (Scene cuts to the Charity's house. Charity is on a laptop looking up a Chinese website)


 * Charity: Look at this!


 * (A Chinese website is shown with the copycats)


 * Patient: Click "translate".


 * (Charity translates the page)


 * Charity: Oh, here's my doppelgänger, "Charity Caritas. This goat is attention of the center. He is serious, don't you trust him? A heavy party love hero with powerful personality defectives."


 * (The whole family laughs)


 * Patient: That makes no sense, look at mine. "Patience Patientia. This frog is a frog, but why? He's so green and mighty you wouldn't trust him with lunch. What's that? Yes, he is determined."


 * (The whole family laughs)


 * Kind: Apparently, "I am a tired lazy belly male lurking inside sofa. Watch him obnoxious. Laugh and spoil yourself."


 * (The whole family laughs)


 * Temper: I think I just spoiled myself a little. Look at mine! "Wowee! What a mother! Who cares if she's annoying? You?"


 * (The whole family laughs)


 * Diligence: What's my doppelgänger like?


 * (The whole family laughs as they keep reading their copycat bios. Diligence' doppelganger comes up but says she is deleted)


 * Charity: Deleted!


 * Diligence: What?! Why?!


 * Charity: Because— "Women no right to celebrate in republic of people."


 * (The whole family except Diligence laughs)


 * Kind: It's funny 'cause I don't understand!


 * Charity: Wait. This isn't funny at all!


 * Diligence: Exactly. I'm not part of it because I'm a girl!


 * Charity: Psh! No. I mean, these guys have their own TV show, and they're ripping us off! Look at this.


 * (Charity clicks Charity Caritas's version of a scene from "The DVD", named "Mom angry much")


 * Charity Caritas: The kids you decided to have.


 * (Temperance Temperantia angrily punches a hole in the door)


 * Charity: These guys are making money out of our lives while we're broke!


 * Temper: Come on, we're not that broke.


 * Charity: Mom, we're so broke that we give "you-owe-mes" to charity.


 * Temper: Mm, yeah, you're right. We should sue them.


 * Diligence: Guys, a lawyer could cost way too much dough.


 * Kind: How much dough?


 * Diligence: Like thousands of dollars.


 * Kind: I mean, how much in cookie dough?


 * Diligence: (Sighs) Millions of tons.


 * (Kind tips over the couch causing everyone to fall back while Charity looks at them; Charity then looks at the computer screen and sees the copycats copy them)


 * Charity: Wait a minute. How could they copy that? It literally just happened.


 * (The copycats are looking through the window watching them)


 * Charity Caritas: It literally just happened. (Gasps as Charity looks at him, they all hide)


 * Charity: What the what?!


 * Charity Caritas: What the what?!


 * Charity: Arhhh!


 * Charity Caritas: Arhhh!

The Confrontation

 * (Charity angrily opens the front door)


 * Charity: All right.


 * Virtues: Hmm.


 * (The virtues step out the door and walk up to the copy-virtues)


 * Charity: Let's settle this in a civilized manner. (Clears throat) Hi, my name is Charity.


 * Charity Caritas: Hi, my name is Char—


 * (Charity tackles Charity Caritas on the ground)


 * Charity: Stop repeating everything I say!


 * Charity Caritas: (Jerky) But - when - someone - says - "hi," - you - say - "hi" - too!


 * (Charity tugs on Charity Caritas in utter annoyance and in belligerence. Temper and Temperance Temperantia use several animesque physical attacks unto another with zaps of yellow and blue lights. Charity and Charity Caritas try to reach each other to fight but are too scared to do so)


 * Charity) and Charity Caritas: Fight me, you coward!


 * (Patient and Patience Patientia slap against one another)


 * Patient and Patience Patientia: Ow! Oh, sorry.


 * (Patient and Patience Patientia caress each others' cheeks, only to slap each other again)


 * Patient and Patience Patientia: Ah!


 * (Kind and Kindness Humanitas try fighting each other also but get too tired and fight with their finger as swords. They taste each other's fingers; Charity bumps into a stair rail as Diligence watches while Temper and Temperance Temperantia are still fighting)


 * Diligence: Are we done here?


 * Temper and Temperance Temperantia: Yeah, I think she is. (Both fall to the floor while blowing on their fists)


 * Diligence: Okay, fighting clearly isn't working. Maybe we should help them find their own identities.


 * Charity: Why should we help those bootleg butt-clowns?


 * Diligence: Mmmm, because... in the end, isn't identity theft the most sincere form of flattery?


 * (The virtues look at their doppelgangers; worried)


 * Patient: You know, Diligence is right. Maybe they just need a little push in the right direction.


 * (Patient approaches Patience Patientia and begins to sing)


 * Patient: What you are doing, is straight-up criminal.


 * Charity: So just try and be original.


 * Charity and Patient: Be your own you! Be your own you! Don't do what I do. Just be your own you. It's much more fun to be yourself than copy everybody else!


 * Kind: Be your own you!


 * Kind and Temper: Be your own you!


 * Kind: Try something new.


 * Temper: Find your own things to do.


 * Kind and Temper: Copying is clearly theft, it's gonna lead to your arrest.


 * Charity, Patient, Kind, and Temper: Be your own you! And when you've stopped being such a dirty hack, get in your stupid car, and don't come back!


 * Charity Caritas, Patience Patientia, Kindness Humanitas, and Temperance Temperantia: (Copying exact line in a video) Get in your stupid car, and don't come back!


 * Charity: Dagnabbit! We'll never get rid of them!


 * (Charity then proceeds to slam his fists on the dinner table, causing a light to fall on him. A notification appears afterwards)


 * Charity Caritas: Dagnabbit! We'll never get rid of them!


 * (Charity Caritas then proceeds to slam his fists on the dinner table, causing a light to fall on him. No notifications appear)


 * Diligence: Wait a minute. They copy literally everything. Charity, are you thinking what I'm thinking?


 * Charity: No. Charity Caritas's thinking what I'm thinking.


 * Diligence: Exactly! Let them copy you at their own risk.


 * (Evil cackling laughter ensues with the virtues)


 * Diligence: You guys still don't get it, do you?


 * Charity, Patient, Temper, and Kind: No.


 * Diligence: Just live your life as dangerously as possible and hope they off themselves trying to copy you.


 * Charity, Patient, Temper, and Kind: Ohh!


 * Charity: (Menacing) How delightfully malicious. (Starts laughing evilly)


 * Diligence: The moment's passed now.


 * Charity: Hmph.

Risky Life Choices

 * (Charity is shown sleeping in his bedroom. He is subconsciously, with a pair of scissors, cutting the yellow wire connected to three sticks of electric-plugged dynamite while being used by a sensor, turning off the alarm. Charity then heads back to sleep. In the bathroom, Kind locks himself in metal chains while in a bathtub, using his mouth, landing the key in the toilet water, Kind proceeds to soak completely in the bathtub, underwater. At the dining table, Patient is blindfolded and chooses between milk and a biohazard, puts some milk in his cereal and proceeds to eat it, but misses it by a bit. Outside, Kind performs a trick with three chainsaws next to a tree. Charity, Patient, and Kind then come out of the house)


 * Charity: Oh, wait. Dad, aren't you forgetting something?


 * Kind: I left the iron on. I left the candle burning next to the curtains. (Gasp) I forgot to leave the stove on!


 * (Kind goes to leave the stove on)


 * (Kind comes back as he, Charity, and Patient walk; in the background the house blows up and Kind, Patient, and Charity proceed to jump in the car. They balance it on two tires while the driver, Temper, reads the newspaper atop the side that leans upward)


 * Charity: Where are we going?


 * Kind: To the hospital. I'm gonna donate an organ of their choice.


 * (The car breaks through the entrance window of the hospital)


 * (Cut to the Charity abode, where Diligence types for potential mimicry of the virtues, specifically Kind. Temper breaks the through the window onto the couch, Charity and Patient ride on a hoverboard/rollercoaster vehicle and duck down to the floor, then proceeded by Kind walking on high heels)


 * (A notification appears yet again on video, the dad copycat gets a kidney transplant)


 * Kind: What? They gave him my kidney and then he donated it to someone else?!


 * Charity: (Sighs) I guess we're going to have to take this one step further.


 * Charity, Patient, Temper, and Kind: Mm-hmm.

Dangerous Truck Stunts

 * Diligence: Uh, guys?!


 * (Scene cuts to Diligence sitting inside a vehicle)


 * Diligence: Am I the only one who understands what it means to go one step further than almost  kicking the bucket?!


 * (The virtues are seen inside a truck driving on the expressway with a tank and fire following them)


 * Diligence: This is a terrible idea!


 * Charity: Then why'd you come along?


 * Diligence: Because... I'm tired of being left out.


 * Kind: Okay. So, what do we do now?


 * Temper: I think the time has come to scream helplessly.


 * Charity, Patient, Temper, and Kind: Ahhhh!


 * Diligence: Shush! Think! Has anyone got an idea?!


 * Kind: Yes! We go faster?


 * (Charity, Patient, Diligence, and Temper look ahead and see the cliff of the broken bridge)


 * Kind: We go slower?


 * (Charity, Patient, Diligence, and Temper look to the back of the truck with the oil and fire following them)


 * Kind: Uh... then no.


 * Charity: (Gasps) I've got this.


 * (Charity tries blowing out the fire at the end of the truck but doesn't help; Charity returns to his seat in vain)


 * Charity: Never mind.


 * (Temper swerves the truck to avoid obstacles while they all scream)


 * Temper: Has anyone else got an idea?


 * Patient: We jump.


 * (The family jumps out of the truck but rolls back inside)


 * Charity: Okay, back to screaming?


 * (The family goes back to screaming helplessly)


 * Diligence: Wait! I've got an idea! We need to unhook the tank.


 * Temper: How? The space between the truck and the tank is too tight.


 * Diligence: For you guys maybe, but not for me.


 * (Diligence gets out of the truck and start making her way to the tank while Temper looks at her. Diligence finds the link and tries reaching it. Diligence then finally unhooks the tank as she gets back in the truck; A big explosion happens after with a cloud filled with smoke)


 * Temper: (Sighs) Good job, sweethea-Ahhhhh! (Looks ahead of the road and steps on the brake)


 * (The truck stops right on time and the family gets out)


 * (The virtues laugh in relief because they barely went uninjured)


 * Charity: We're alive!


 * Diligence: I guess they should've kept the little sister.


 * Charity: What do you mean?


 * (Diligence points to the copycats' truck)


 * (The copycats scream as they descend and crash)


 * Charity: Uh, you guys good?


 * (The burning crashed truck explodes and the copycats are still alive but in very extreme pain)


 * Charity Caritas: Nooo...


 * (A Mermaid Uses a Water Gun on Charity Caritas)


 * Charity Caritas: No! NO!!!!


 * Patience Patientia: What? Charity Caritas's plan failed?


 * Charity Caritas: This is all your fault, you idiot! I knew it! That mermaid has extinguished me! No! NOOOOOOO!


 * (Charity Caritas Vanishes to Nothing, Never to Be Seen Again)


 * Patience Patientia: Stop! You can't destroy her!


 * Temperance Temperantia: Don't you dare!


 * (Temperance Temperantia Tackles Patience Patientia, and She and Patience Patientia Fall to the Watery Acid, Ending their Lives Once and For All)


 * (Kindness Humanitas, Humility Humilitas, Diligence Industria, and Chastity Castitas also Fall in the Watery Acid, Ending their Lives Once and For All)


 * Kind: Way to go, everyone!


 * Charity: Eh, good enough.

Irreplaceable

 * (Cuts to Charity's house; Charity searches his rip-off and no results are available)


 * Charity: Nope. No more videos. I guess they're too messed up to be on TV now.


 * Patient: That'll teach them for trying to replace us!


 * (A glitch causes the voice actors to switch)


 * Charity: (In new voice) Yeah, as if anyone else can do what I do!


 * Patient: (In new voice) Yeah! We're irreplaceable!


 * (Charity and Patient laugh amidst the fact their copycats exist no more. But stop laughing and shock to realize they switched voice actors due to glitches; the episode ends)