SpongeBob Meets the Ghoulish Guys/Transcript

Sheriff Jay:

 * (A Paper Flies Down)
 * (Wicked Witch Laughs)
 * (Bequeath to My Nephew Mr. Krabs)
 * Wicked Witch: "I'll scare you, SpongeBob SquarePants, and Mr. Krabs, too, before I'm through. That's what I'll do."
 * (SpongeBob Climbs into Bed with Mr. Krabs)
 * (Mr. Krabs Wakes Up and Mr. Krabs Points at the Ghost)
 * (Wicked Witch Laughing)
 * (SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs Hug in Fear)
 * Wicked Witch: "I scare goblins, ghosts, and ghouls, spooky owls, or bats. Grownup folk and little kids, I even scare my cats." (Sinister Laughing)
 * (Ghoulish Guts Laughing)
 * (SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, Gary, Sarah, and Pearl Drive Out of Here)
 * (SpongeBob Runs Back to Grab Patrick)
 * Wicked Witch: "But one thing frightens me, so witchingly, I hope I never see the Ghoulish Guts."
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Meets the Ghoulish Guts Title Card)
 * Wicked Witch: "Very scary, legendary Ghoulish Guts. Those very boastly, mostly ghostly, Ghoulish Guts."
 * (Executive Producers ???)
 * (Ghoulish Guts Laughing)
 * (Sarah Puts Up her Dukes)
 * (SpongeBob Grabs her)
 * Wicked Witch: "Here I am, a poor old witch, so afraid I shake and twitch."
 * (Produced by ???)
 * Wicked Witch: "That's one group I'd love to ditch, the Ghoulish Guts."
 * (Written by Stephen Hillenburg)
 * Wicked Witch: "Very kooky, very spooky Ghoulish Guts."
 * (Ghoulish Guts Laughing)
 * (Alligator Jumps into the River)
 * Wicked Witch: "Ghoulish Guts."
 * (Ghoulish Guts Laughing)
 * Wicked Witch: "Ghoulish Guts."
 * (Ghoulish Guts Laughing)
 * Wicked Witch: "Ghoulish Guts."
 * (Directed by ???)
 * (Scene Fades Black)
 * (Scene Fades to the Bikini Bottomites Driving to the Monty Mansion)
 * Mr. Krabs (Off-Screen): Wow. What a great part of the country. The south really is beautiful, isn't it, Sammy?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants (Off-Screen): You bet!
 * Gary: (meowing) How much farther is it to your new place, Si?
 * Mr. Krabs: Shouldn't be too far, right, Sammy?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Let's see. Hmm. (He Looks at the Map) Oops.
 * Mr. Krabs: Quit messing around, SpongeBob. How much farther is it to the Monty Road turnoff?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm looking! I'm looking! Doggone map.
 * Gary: (meowing) Let me help you, Sammy boy.
 * Mr. Krabs: Come on! Come on! Where's Monty Road?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay! Okay! Hmm. Here we go.
 * (SpongeBob Points to a Sign)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: There it is!
 * Mr. Krabs: Okay, here we go.
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Drive Through the Road)
 * (Scene Fades to a Dark Night, Thunderclap)
 * Squidward Tentacles: Crickey! Are you sure this is the right way to the Monty place, SpongeBob?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah. I think so.
 * Patrick Star: Wow! Imagining going through a whole southern plantation.
 * Mr. Krabs: Let's see that.
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Drive Through a Road Closed Sign)
 * Mr. Krabs: Sounds like we hit something. I think we're lost.
 * (Mr. Krabs Has his Head Stuck in the Wheel)
 * Mr. Krabs: Help me outta here, will you, Gary?
 * (Gary Pushes Mr. Krabs's Head Out of the Wheel)
 * Mr. Krabs: Thanks, Gary. Now, SpongeBob, let's have a look at that map. SpongeBob?
 * Gary: (meowing) SpongeBob SquarePants, where are you?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Ta-da! Here I am! (Chuckles)
 * Mr. Krabs: What are you doing under there?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants (Off-Screen): Search me.
 * Mr. Krabs: Well, where's the road map?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Right here.
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, brother. Now we're really lost. What could be worse?!?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: It could be raining.
 * (Thunderclap)
 * (SpongeBob Jumps in Gary's Arms)
 * (Scene Slides to the Bikini Bottomites Still Driving)
 * Mr. Krabs: Wow! Talk about spooky.
 * (A Giant Gorilla Appears)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Look out! A monster!
 * Pearl Krabs: Oh, SpongeBob, you and your monsters.
 * Gary: (meowing) I don't see any monsters out there.
 * (The Truck Gets Flooded)
 * Mr. Krabs: Somebody has to go out and push.
 * (SpongeBob Doesn't Want to)
 * Patrick Star: C'mon, Sammy, let's go.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: No, Patrick!
 * Patrick Star: If there's any old monsters out there, I know you can handle 'em.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants (Off-Screen): Right. I'm not afraid.
 * (SpongeBob and Patrick Fall in the Mud)
 * (SpongeBob Rises Out of the Mud, his Teeth Chattering)
 * Mr. Krabs: Okay, Bikini Bottomites, when Gary gives you the word, give it the old Heave Ho. You guys, ready?
 * Patrick Star: You bet. Right, Sammy boy?
 * (SpongeBob Sees the Gorilla)
 * Gary (Off-Screen): Okay, guys, heave ho!
 * (SpongeBob Pushes the Truck Out of the Mud, Screaming in Terror)
 * Patrick Star: Hey, guys! Wait up!
 * (SpongeBob Keeps Pushing)
 * Gary: (meowing) Hey, SpongeBob, that's enough. Cool it.
 * Patrick Star: Wow, SpongeBob, are you ever strong.
 * (SpongeBob Grabs Patrick and Puts him in the Truck)
 * (Then He Jumps on Mr. Krabs's Lap and Drives Off)
 * (The Rain Lets Up as the Gorilla Looks at the Truck)
 * Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, get off me.
 * (Police Siren Wailing)
 * Jay Samson: All right, just pull that thing over to the side of the road there, kiddo. Kiddo?!
 * (The Police Car Drives into the Brush with Sparkle Sign, Leaving the Man's Teeth Out)
 * (The Car Then Pulls Up to the Bikini Bottomites)
 * Jay Samson: I gotta give up the night shift.
 * Mr. Krabs: Uh, what's the trouble, officer?
 * Jay Samson: Trouble? Oh, no trouble. Just a matter of proceeding down the highway and a wantin' left reckless, and irresponsible manner. Let me see your license, boy.
 * Mr. Krabs: Y-Y-Yes, sir.
 * Jay Samson: Oh, from Spaceland, huh? What y'all doin' down here, boy?
 * Mr. Krabs: We're looking for the Monty Plantation, and we sorta got lost, sir.
 * Jay Samson: There ain't nobody livin' in Monty Manor now that the Colonel's passed on. What do you wanna go there for?
 * Mr. Krabs (Off-Screen): Well, you see the Colonel was my uncle, and he left me the place.
 * (The Gorilla Hears What Mr. Krabs Says)
 * Jay Samson (Off-Screen): Left you the place?
 * Mr. Krabs (Off-Screen): Can you tell us how to get there, please?
 * Jay Samson (Off-Screen): Yeah, it's just down the road of feats. But let me tell you somethin', boy. (On-Screen) You best turn around and skedaddle back to--
 * Radio: Calling Sgt. Samson. Calling Sgt. Samson.
 * Jay Samson: Some folks say that place is sure enough haunted.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: H-H-H-Haunted?
 * (SpongeBob Jumps in Pearl's Arms)
 * Pearl Krabs: Did you say haunted? Oh, boy!
 * Radio: Calling Sgt. Samson. Where are y'all, Dude?
 * Jay Samson: I'm right here performin' my duty. What y'all want?
 * Radio: We got us an awful mess over at Cher at the rail junction. An animal circus train got derailed and those critters are just runnin' all over creation.
 * Jay Samson: Oh, mercy. I'll be right there. 10-4. Now y'all mind what I said. You best go back where ye come from. That ol' plantation's full of ghosts.
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Gulp in Fear)
 * (Siren Wails)

The Headless Horseman Chase:

 * Mr. Krabs: Blimey! I hope that Sgt. was wrong about g-g-g-ghosts.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh-huh.
 * Gary: (meowing) And I hope he's right about this being the road to the Plantation.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants (Off-Screen): Uh-oh.
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, no. It's a dead end.
 * (They Stop at the Bushes)
 * Mr. Krabs: Well, that settles it. We're going back home.
 * Gary: (meowing) Wait, Mr. Krabs, look.
 * (The Bushes Open)
 * Gary (Off-Screen): The road leads on.
 * Mr. Krabs: Yeah, but look where it goes. Right through a graveyard.
 * Pearl Krabs: Oh, boy! This is exciting. Huh, Sammy?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah, Pearl. (He Covers his Eyes)
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Keep Driving)
 * (The Ghost of Colonel Monty Appears)
 * Mr. Krabs: Keep your eyes open for the Monty Plantation, you guys.
 * Squidward Tentacles: Gosh, I actually hope we get to see real ghosts like the Sgt. said.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, no!
 * Mr. Krabs: Don't talk like that, Sarah. There's no such thing as ghosts.
 * (A Headless Horseman Appears)
 * Gary: (meowing) Too bad. Then I guess this headless horseman out there is just a dummy, right?
 * (Headless Horseman Laughing)
 * Pearl Krabs: Shall we run for our lives?
 * Patrick Star: Oh, yes. Let's.
 * Bikini Bottomites: A ghost!
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Drive Away from the Headless Horseman)
 * (A Wolf Stands in their Way)
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Drive Away from the Wolf Until they Stop at the Sight of the Ghost)
 * Colonel Monty: Go! Go! Go back! Leave this place!
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Drive Away)
 * Mr. Krabs: I've had it. Let's make like chainsaws and cut out.
 * Pearl Krabs: Look, straight ahead.
 * (A Hotel is Shown)
 * Pearl Krabs (Off-Screen): We found it! There's the hotel, Mr. Krabs.
 * Mr. Krabs: I don't care. I don't want it.
 * (The Truck Stops and Engine Runs Out)
 * Gary: (meowing) Oh, no! What a time to flood the engine.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, no! Look!
 * Colonel Monty (Off-Screen): Leave this place! Leave this place!
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Run to the Hotel)
 * SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs: Open up! Open up!
 * (The Bikini Bottomites See the Headless Horseman)
 * Mr. Krabs: Come on, Bikini Bottomites. Let's break it down.
 * (The Door Opens and the Bikini Bottomites Fall in the Fireplace)
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Cough)
 * (Somebody Blows the Smoke from their Eyes)
 * (Mr. Krabs Wipes his Eyes)
 * (Nathan Laughing)
 * Mr. Krabs: Double yikes!
 * Nathan: I trust you and your associates will be comfortable here, Master Mr. Krabs.
 * (Mr. Krabs Accidentally Knocks SpongeBob in the Fireplace)
 * (Nathan Laughing)
 * (SpongeBob is Now in Gary's Arms)
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Quiver with Fear)

The Arrival:

 * (Nathan Laughing)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: W-W-Who are you?
 * Nathan: I'm Nathan, man servant to the Colonel. He's 60 art years and rightful owner of this place. Unfortunately the old fool decided to give it all to you, including the family jewels. So I am at your humble service.
 * Gary: (meowing) Family jewels?
 * Squidward Tentacles: What family jewels?
 * Nathan (Off-Screen): What family jewels? Only a king's ransom hidden here on the estate. (On-Screen) Don't tell me you didn't know about Monty bonanza. (Laughing)
 * Squidward Tentacles: I don't know who looks nuttier-- Nathan or that picture of the ol' Colonel.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh-huh.
 * Mr. Krabs: Speaking of the Colonel, he looks just like the g-g-g-g-g--
 * Nathan: Like the ghost?
 * Bikini Bottomites: Yeah!
 * Nathan: Don't worry. He won't hurt you. Ghosts can't hurt anyone.
 * (The Sword Flies Causing SpongeBob to Scream)
 * Nathan: Now, Colonel, where are your manners, sir? Is there any way to treat your guests, even though they don't belong here and want to take away my treasure? (Laughing)
 * Pearl Krabs: Your treasure?!? Listen, crazy hair, if there's any jewels around here, they belong to Mr. Krabs, right?
 * Mr. Krabs: Huh? Uh, never mind, Pearl. Listen, Mr. Nathan, I think we'll just be going back home.
 * Pearl Krabs: But, Si...
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah, we gotta run.
 * (Gorilla Roaring)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeow!
 * Mr. Krabs: Yeah, the engine in my truck must be unflooded by now. So-- Hey, come on, Sammy, let me outta here.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh-uh. No.
 * Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob SquarePants, what's the matter with you?!? Open that door!
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: No! There's a monster out there!
 * Mr. Krabs: Monster?
 * (Knocking on Door)
 * (SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs Scream and Run in the Closet)
 * (Nathan Comes to the Door and it was Jay)
 * Nathan: Ah, Sgt. Samson. Do come in.
 * Jay Samson: Just came by to tell you all to keep a weather eyeball of an escaped circus ape. He was last seen headed this-a way.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Who's that? The monster?
 * Mr. Krabs: No. It's just the Sgt. Come on, Sammy, there's no monster.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: No! I'm not gonna!
 * Mr. Krabs: Ha! You're such a baby.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: But I'm a live baby.
 * (Mr. Krabs, Patrick, Gary, Sarah, and Pearl Appear Out of the Door)
 * (SpongeBob Remains Hiding Through the Door with the Gorilla Behind him)
 * Gary (Off-Screen): Hi, there, Sgt.
 * Jay Samson: I see you made it, kids. Ignored my warnin' about not stayin' here, eh?
 * Mr. Krabs: Well--
 * Gary: (meowing) That's right, Sgt. We're staying. We're gonna find the Monty jewels.
 * Jay Samson: Now what y'all wanna do that for? That ol' tale about hidden jewels' just hogwash. So, anyhow, if'n you see this here ape, you call me pronto, hear?
 * Nathan: All right, Sgt., but it will do no good.
 * Jay Samson: What y'all mean it won't do no good? We gotta catch this ape!
 * Nathan: But you can't capture it, Sgt. You see, it's a ghost!
 * Mr. Krabs: A ghost?!
 * Gorilla: A ghost?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: That's right. A ghost.
 * (SpongeBob Looks at the Gorilla and Screams)
 * (SpongeBob Jumps in Mr. Krabs's Arms)
 * Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, what the-- What's the matter with you?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: There's a monster in there!
 * (Mr. Krabs Drops SpongeBob on the Floor)
 * Mr. Krabs: Don't be ridiculous. What kind of monster?
 * (SpongeBob Imitates an Ape)
 * Jay Samson: Looks like he's imiatin' the escaped ape.
 * Nathan: You mean the ghost ape.
 * Jay Samson: Huh. We'll see what kinda ghost he is.
 * (Jay Marches with his Gun)
 * Jay Samson: Okay, you just hold it right there. Now reach for the ceilin'. Reach, I said.
 * (Jay Kicks the Door Open)
 * (Patrick Turns on the Light)
 * Jay Samson: Now, look-a here, Mr. Ape, are you gonna wreck them arms, or am I gonna start usin' some magnum force?
 * Nathan: He can't raise his hands, Sgt. He's stuffed.
 * Jay Samson (Off-Screen): I don't care how much he eats. He ain't gonna fire the officer of the law.
 * Nathan: You don't understand, Sgt. This is Bebo. He's no longer among the living.
 * Jay Samson: What? Oh. Well, why didn't you say so?
 * Nathan: Ever since the Colonel bagged him and brought him here, his spirit has been haunting these grounds.
 * (SpongeBob Looks at the Toy Ape)
 * Jay Samson (Off-Screen): Oh, that's ridiculous. There ain't no such thing as an ape ghost.
 * (The Gorilla's Hand Pats SpongeBob's Head, Making SpongeBob Sigh)
 * (The Gorilla Pops Up in the Flesh and Fur)
 * Jay Samson (Off-Screen): Well, I can see I ain't gonna catch the ape around here.
 * (SpongeBob is Shock as his Face Turns White)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants (Off-Screen): Hello, Sgt., help!
 * (SpongeBob Grabs Jay's Shirt)
 * Jay Samson: Let go of me, you crazy boy! Let go!
 * Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob SquarePants, what's wrong with you?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: The ape in here-- he's alive!
 * Mr. Krabs: Now stop that. That ape's just a dummy.
 * Jay Samson: He ain't the only one. Now you take my advice, boy. Clear outta this place, inheritance or no inheritance.
 * Mr. Krabs: You d-d-d-d-don't have to convince me, Sgt. We're going.
 * (Nathan Laughing): Oh, goody. That means the family jewels will be all mine.
 * (Gary Finds a Ring on the Floor and Hides it)
 * Jay Samson: Ain't no jewels. His little ol' mind wanders along. He just goes along for the ride.
 * (Jay Leaves the Hotel)

Sinking:

 * Mr. Krabs: Well, SpongeBob, let's split.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Wait a minute. Where are the girls?
 * Patrick Star: Pearl!
 * Mr. Krabs: Sarah!
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Gary!
 * SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick: Girls, where are you?
 * Gary: (meowing) Psst. Hey, guys, over here.
 * (Gary Pulls a Ring Out of her Pocket)
 * Gary: (meowing) Look what I found-- the ring.
 * SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick: Hey!
 * Gary, Sarah, and Pearl: Shh!
 * (Nathan Listens)
 * Mr. Krabs: Where'd you get that, Gary?
 * Gary: (meowing) It fell out of Nathan's pocket.
 * Mr. Krabs: Well, you'd better give it back to him.
 * Pearl Krabs: Wait! It has a big T on it for "Monty." And look what the inscription says inside.
 * Mr. Krabs: Wow! "For my nephew, Mr. Krabs."
 * Squidward Tentacles: Don't you see? Maybe there really is a king's ransom and jewels here.
 * Pearl Krabs: And it all belongs to you, Mr. Krabs.
 * Mr. Krabs: I don't care, Pearl. I'm not stayin' in this house of horrors 5 more minutes.
 * Pearl Krabs: But--
 * Mr. Krabs: It's been nice knowing you, Mr. Nathan, sir, but we're gonna bug out.
 * Nathan: So sorry you can't stay. (Laughing)
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, no! Our truck is sinking!
 * (Mr. Krabs Runs Out and Tries to Pull the Truck Out of the Mud, but He, Too Sinks)
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, boy! Now I'm sinking!
 * Gary: (meowing) Quick, guys, come on!
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Rush to Mr. Krabs)
 * Mr. Krabs: Help me!
 * Squidward Tentacles: Grab on, Mr. Krabs!
 * (Mr. Krabs Grabs Sarah's Hands)
 * Nathan: Oh, goody. They're all going to sink.
 * (Mr. Krabs's Hands are Too Strong)
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Fly Up and Hit the Plank That Sends Nathan on the Roof)
 * Nathan: Oh, dear. Most distressing.

Calling the Ghoulish Guts:

 * (Scene Slides to the Room and the Bikini Bottomites are in their Pajamas)
 * Nathan (Off-Screen): Since we can't get anyone to get your truck out of the mud until morning, (On-Screen) you'll have to spend the night. Pleasant dreams. (Laughing)
 * Gary: (meowing) Well, good night, guys.
 * (Gary Blows the Candle Out)
 * (The Candle Comes Back on)
 * (Gary Keeps Blowing it Out, but the Flame is Unstoppable)
 * Gary: (meowing) Hmm. That creepy Nathan is probably trying to scare us with a trick candle.
 * Mr. Krabs: That's okay, Gary. Leave it on. You can't see g-g-ghosts with the lights on.
 * (Mr. Krabs's Spacesuit Dances)
 * Mr. Krabs: I didn't see that.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: I didn't see that either.
 * (A Hand Scratches SpongeBob's Head)
 * (SpongeBob Flinches and Covers his Eyes)
 * Colonel Monty: Leave this place! Leave this place!
 * (SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs Freak Out)
 * (They Crash Into Each Other on the Floor)
 * Gary: (meowing) Wait a minute, you guys. We can't leave until morning.
 * Mr. Krabs: But all these g-g-g-g-g-- spirits! What are we gonna do?
 * Gary: (meowing) I got an idea. Let's see. Ant exterminators, bug exterminator-- Ah, here it is. Ghost exterminators.
 * SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, Patrick, Sarah, and Pearl: Ghost exterminators?!?
 * Gary (Off-Screen): Yeah! It says, "No ghost too scary for us to get rid of. Latest methods 24 hours service special this week. 4 ghosts for the price of 1."
 * (A Picture of the Ghoulish Guts is on the Book)
 * Gary: (meowing) The Ghoulish Guts.
 * Squidward Tentacles: Oh, come on, Gary. It's gotta be a put-on.
 * Gary: (meowing) What do we have to lose? Let's call 'em.
 * (Scene Slides to Mr. Krabs on the Phone)
 * Mr. Krabs: Hello? Is this the Ghoulish Guts? We have a job for you. Could you come right over?
 * Carl: Why, certainly, buddy.
 * (Hans's Hand Appears)
 * Hans: Gracias, senior.
 * Carl: What's this gracias, senior stuff?
 * Hans (Off-Screen): This is a Spanish telephone. Nyuk, nyuk. Amusin', huh?
 * Carl (Off-Screen): Yeah. Real snappy. (On-Screen) Hey, Quincy, Ronald, what's keepin' ya?
 * Quincy (Off-Screen): Ooh! Well, we're stuck!
 * Carl: Well, I'll unstuck ya.
 * (Carl Bangs the Hammer to Get Quincy and Ronald Out of the Phone)
 * (Quincy Flies to Mr. Krabs)
 * Quincy: Hi, there. We're the Ghoulish Guts. At your service.
 * Mr. Krabs: Ohh. When am I gonna wake up from this nightmare?
 * (Screen Fades Black)

Meet the Ghoulish Guts:

 * (Scene Fades to the Outside of the Hotel)
 * Gary (Off-Screen): Oh, my gosh. Is that Carl, Hans, Quincy, and Ronald? You must be Ghoulish Guts.
 * Mr. Krabs (Off-Screen): Let me get this straight guys. (On-Screen) You guys are g-g-g-ghost exterminators?
 * Carl: That's right, doc. The Ghoulish Guts. If they're hauntin', we're hauntin'.
 * Patrick Star: Well, no offense, but you look like g-g-g-ghosts yourselves.
 * Carl: Certainly we're ghosts. It takes one to catch one, you know.
 * Hans: Except at our case, it takes 4. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.
 * Pearl Krabs: Wow! Real ghost ghost hunters! Totally awesome!
 * Mr. Krabs: Blimey, listen, guys. Thanks anyway, but I don't know if we need any g-g-g-ghosts around here tonight.
 * Carl (Off-Screen): But we're just what the doctor ordered, buddy.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, no!
 * Mr. Krabs: Gee, I-I-I-I-I--
 * Carl: You say you don't believe me? You say you want some convincin'? Okay. Hey, Hans, gimme the demonstrator.
 * Hans: Most certainly. Quincy, the demonstrator.
 * Quincy: Oh, the demonstrator. Right. Uh, let's see.
 * (Quincy Looks in his Hat)
 * Quincy: Uh, uh, uh-- I can't find it.
 * Carl: What do you mean you can't find it? Give me that!
 * (Carl Puts his Hand Through Hans)
 * (Hans Laughing): Don't do that!
 * Carl: Shut up.
 * (Carl Hits Hans)
 * (Ronald Pulls his Head Out)
 * Hans: Thank you.
 * Carl (Off-Screen): Let's see here. Where is that thing?
 * (Carl Dives in Quincy's Hat and Tries to Find the Demonstrator)
 * Mr. Krabs: Uh, listen. That's okay. We don't really have to see it.
 * Carl: Ah, here it is. A demonstrator ghost. Now you'll see the Ghoulish Guts in action.
 * Demonstrator Ghost: Boo!
 * (Mr. Krabs Runs Away and the Ghost Follows)
 * Carl: Okay, Ghoulish Guts, grab that ghost!
 * Hans, Quincy, Ronald: Aye, aye, Carl!
 * (Quincy Puts his Head Through Hans)
 * (Hans Laughing): Don't do that!
 * Quincy: Sorry.
 * Ronald: Let's go, you guys.
 * (The Ghoulish Guts Catches the Demonstrator Ghost)
 * (SpongeBob Screams in Terror and Runs into Mr. Krabs)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants (Off-Screen): Help me!
 * (The Demonstrator Ghost Locks the Ghoulish Guts in the Closet)
 * Hans: Boo!
 * (The Demonstrator Ghost Screams in Terror)
 * (The Ghoulish Guts Chases the Ghost)
 * Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob SquarePants, stop!
 * Carl: Okay, guys, I got him. I got him.
 * (Carl Catches the Ghost, and the Ghoulish Guts Run Into Each Other)
 * Nathan: What is going on up here?
 * (The Demonstrator Ghost Flies Away)
 * Nathan: What?
 * (The Ghoulish Guts Runs into Nathan Causing Him to Spin)
 * Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob!
 * (The Ghoulish Guts Chase the Demonstrator Ghost)
 * (SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Nathan Scream)
 * (Mr. Krabs and Nathan Fly Up to the Ceiling)
 * Mr. Krabs: Uh-oh. Look out below!
 * Ronald: Don't worry, buddy! We'll catch ya!
 * (Carl, Quincy, and Ronald Pull the Body on Hans as a Trampoline)
 * (The Chandelier Breaks and Mr. Krabs and Nathan Fall Through Hans)
 * (Hans Laughing): Ooh, that felt funny.
 * Carl: Yeah? Well, see how funny this feels.
 * (Hans Spins in Pain)
 * (The Ghoulish Guts Chase the Demonstrator Ghost)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, that smarts.
 * (The Gorilla Pats SpongeBob on the Head)
 * (SpongeBob Sighs with Content, then Screams in Terror)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Help!
 * (Mr. Krabs and Nathan Climb Out)
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, no! Oh, no!
 * (Mr. Krabs and Nathan Run From the Gorilla)
 * (The Gorilla Chases Them)
 * (Carl Has a Mallet Trying to Get the Ghost, but Accidentally Hits Hans's Hands)
 * Hans: Ow! Ow! Ow!
 * Gary: (meowing) And they're off! It's SpongeBob by ahead, with Mr. Krabs, Nathan, and the ape, and the Ghoulish Guts bringing up the rear. Around in the fast turn and SpongeBob's still in the lead.
 * (Bell Rings)
 * Gary: (meowing) Hi!
 * Amanda Koehler: Oh, hi, y'all. My name is Amanda Koehler. I'm your little ol' next door neighbor, uh-huh. And I was wonderin' if'n I could borrow a cup of black strap molasses.
 * (The Demonstrator Ghost Plays Funky Music)
 * (The Ghoulish Guts Dances)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Whoa!
 * (The Gorilla Dances with SpongeBob and Throws Him to Mr. Krabs)
 * (Mr. Krabs Catches SpongeBob in his Arms)
 * Amanda Koehler: Ooh, y'all havin' a party?
 * Gary: (meowing) Looks like it. Come on in.
 * Amanda Koehler: Mind if'n I cut in? Yee-haw!
 * Mr. Krabs: Huh? Whoa!
 * Gorilla: Let's boogie.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, no!
 * (The Gorilla Follows SpongeBob)
 * Mr. Krabs: Huh? Whoa!
 * Amanda Koehler: Oh, you're sure cute. You plum sweep me right offa my feet.
 * (Amanda Picks up Mr. Krabs and Spins Him)
 * Mr. Krabs: Whoa!
 * (SpongeBob Runs from the Gorilla and Stops at Nathan)
 * (The Gorilla Dances with Nathan who Groans)
 * (SpongeBob Feels Safe for Now)
 * (Hans Grabs SpongeBob and Starts Dancing)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Huh? (Screams)
 * (SpongeBob Goes Through Hans)
 * (Hans Laughs)
 * (Carl and Quincy Try to Hurt the Ghost with Mallets)
 * Amanda Koehler: Yahoo!
 * (Mr. Krabs Flies Out the Window)
 * Amanda Koehler: Oops. I guess I got a little too rambunctious.
 * (Colonel Monty Appears)
 * Amanda Koehler: Yoo-hoo! Where y'all be, cutie pie?
 * (Mr. Krabs Jumps Through the Bushes and Screams)
 * Donny Koehler: What y'all doin' trespassin' around here, fella?
 * (Mr. Krabs Stuttering)
 * Amanda Koehler: Oh, he ain't no trespasser, brother Donny. He's our new neighbor from the Monty Plantation. Ooh, ain't he cute?
 * Mr. Krabs: Uh, yeah. I inherited the place for my uncle.
 * Donny Koehler: Your uncle? You mean your ken folk to the Monty's who us Koehler' been a-feudin' with for nigh on 45 years?
 * Mr. Krabs: A-feudin'? Well, uh, n-n-n-n-- Well, sort of. I mean, not ex-- I-- (Nervous Laughing) It's nice to meet you, I'm sure.
 * (Donny Whistles): Hey, boys, we got us another Monty.
 * Boys (Off-Screen): Monty?
 * (Gunshots)
 * Mr. Krabs: Crickey!
 * (Mr. Krabs Runs to the Door)
 * Mr. Krabs: Double crikey!
 * Colonel Monty: Leave this place! Leave this place!
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, how I wish I could.
 * (Screen Fades Black)
 * (Screen Fades Back to the Mr. Krabs and the Colonel)
 * Colonel Monty: Leave this place!
 * Mr. Krabs: Y-Y-Y-Yes, s-s-s-sir. Crickey!
 * (Donny Shots at Mr. Krabs)
 * (Mr. Krabs Ducks and Runs Inside)
 * Amanda Koehler: Now y'all stop that, Donny.
 * Donny Koehler: But he's a Monty.
 * Amanda Koehler: I don't care. I think he's just darlin'. And I intend to marry up with him.
 * Donny Koehler: What? My little sister get hitched to a Monty? Never.
 * Amanda Koehler: Jus try and stop me!
 * Donny Koehler: Dad-gum it! Why'd you have to go and pick this thing of a muscle course?

Finding Clues:

 * (Scene Slides to the Kitchen)
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, no. You can't? Oh, boy. Well, have the Sgt. come to the Monty place as soon as you can reach him, okay? Thanks. Ghosts. Guns. A goony girl. (Chuckles) We gotta get outta this loony bin.
 * Gary: (meowing) But we can't go until we get the truck out of the mud, and that won't be until morning. So how about we look for clues to the missing diamonds?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay.
 * (SpongeBob Looks in the Cabinet)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Nothing in here.
 * (SpongeBob Sees a Bat on his Head)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Ewww! Owww! Phooey!
 * Mr. Krabs: Shoo! Shoo! Oh, never mind about looking for diamonds. Like the Sgt. said, it's all a lot of hooey. Oh, boy. I could sure use something to calm my nerves, like maybe some cold chicken.
 * (Mr. Krabs Opens the Refrigerator Door, and Hears Chewing)
 * (Mr. Krabs Closes the Door)
 * Mr. Krabs: Something's inside there.
 * Squidward Tentacles: Come on, Mr. Krabs. Open it up.
 * (Mr. Krabs Quietly Opens the Door Again to Find the Ghoulish Guts Eating Food)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Huh?
 * Carl: How 'bout some dessert?
 * Hans: Sure.
 * (Carl Pushes the Cake in Hans's Face)
 * (SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs Get Frosting on Them)
 * (SpongeBob Licks the Frosting)
 * (Mr. Krabs Brushes the Frosting off his Hair)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Mmm! Delicious!
 * Mr. Krabs: Knock it off!
 * Carl: Oh, hi, buddy.
 * Ronald: We're here to catch those ghosts for you.
 * Hans: Yeah. Let me at 'im! Let me at 'im! I'll give 'im a fat eye! I'll give 'im a fat lip!
 * (Carl Bangs Hans and Quincy's Head Together Giving Them Both a Fat Headache)
 * Carl: And a couple of fatheads to go with it. Come on, you wackos. Let's get to work. We'll start in the attic.
 * (Carl, Hans, and Ronald Float Through the Ceiling, Except for Quincy)
 * Carl: What's your problem?
 * Quincy: Well, I don't wanna go up to the attic. I'm afraid of heights.
 * Carl: C'mon.
 * (Carl Drags Quincy to the Attic)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: What a bunch of ding-a-lings.
 * Mr. Krabs: Ding-a-lings is right. I hope those misty maniacs left us any food.
 * Gary: (meowing) Maybe they have some ice cream in the freezer section.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Ice cream? Oh, boy!
 * (SpongeBob and Gary Look in the Freezer and See an Ice Tray)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Rats. Just ice.
 * Gary: (meowing) No, wait, Sammy. It's not just ice. It's a diamond!
 * Mr. Krabs: Jumping gemstones! Maybe there is something to this family jewels business.
 * Gary: (meowing) There's something else in here. It looks like a letter.
 * Mr. Krabs: It says, "Dear Mr. Krabs, knowing your appetite, I thought this would the best place to hide this message and this jewel. It is only one of many in my fortune which I hid to keep them away from my enemies. To find the next clue to their hiding place, go outside. Then look for the part of the house with its knee out."
 * Gary: (meowing) With its knee out?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: I don't get it.
 * Mr. Krabs: I don't get it either, Sammy. But let's go out. Let's go out and see what we can find.
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Walk Outside)
 * (A Strange Shadowy Figure Follows the Bikini Bottomites)
 * (Scene Slides to the Chimney)
 * (A Brick Falls off the Roof)
 * Mr. Krabs: You guys see anything that looks like a knee?
 * Gary: (meowing) Uh-uh.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Nope.
 * Mr. Krabs: Well, you guys check over that way and I'll look back over here. And be careful.
 * Gary: (meowing) Right. I'll go with the girls.
 * Patrick Star: And I'll go with SpongeBob. Come on, SpongeBob.
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Split Up)
 * (SpongeBob Walks Down the Road)
 * (Patrick Bumps into SpongeBob, Causing SpongeBob to Scream in Fear)
 * Patrick Star: Whoops. Sorry, Sammy.
 * (SpongeBob Pats Patrick's Head)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: That's okay.
 * (Patrick Looks on the Ground with a Magnifying Glass)
 * (The Gorilla Follows SpongeBob)
 * (SpongeBob Stops in the Middle of his Journey)
 * (The Gorilla Bumps into SpongeBob)
 * Gorilla: Sorry.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: That's okay, little brother.
 * (SpongeBob's Eyes Open Wide)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Little brother?!?
 * Gorilla: Hi.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, no! Help!
 * (SpongeBob Runs Away from the Gorilla)
 * (The Gorilla Follows SpongeBob)
 * (Another Brick Falls Down)
 * (SpongeBob Keeps Running)
 * (The Gorilla Keeps Following)
 * Mr. Krabs: I must be nuts looking for knees on a house.
 * Amanda Koehler: How 'bout lips on a girl, honey?
 * Mr. Krabs: Hey!
 * (Amanda Pulls Mr. Krabs in the Bush and Kisses Him on the Lips)
 * Mr. Krabs: Yuck!
 * (Amanda Jumps Out of the Bushes)
 * Donny Koehler: Was that a Monty I seen a-sparkin' with you?
 * Amanda Koehler: Sure was, uh-huh. Ain't he cute?
 * Donny Koehler: I'll show him cute.
 * (Donny Runs After Mr. Krabs)
 * Amanda Koehler: Oh, you stop that, Donny!
 * Mr. Krabs: Help me!
 * (Donny Chases Mr. Krabs, but Then Run a Different Way)
 * (SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick Run, Too)
 * (The Gorilla Chases Them)
 * (Amanda Squeals in Disgust)
 * (The 5 of Them Run)
 * (The Gorilla Keeps Running)
 * (More Bricks Fall Down)
 * (Gary, Sarah, and Pearl Watch them Run)
 * (A Brick Falls Down and Hits the Gorilla on the Head)
 * (The Gorilla Gets a Bump on the Head, and is All Dizzy)
 * (Gary Picks up a Brick)
 * Pearl Krabs: So that's what the clue means.
 * (Amanda and Donny Scream)
 * Gary: (meowing) Stop!
 * (Amanda and Donny Run Away)
 * (SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick Run)
 * (Gary Grabs SpongeBob's Arm, her Feet Skidding)
 * Gary: (meowing) Hey, guys, stop. The ape is gone.
 * Pearl Krabs (Off-Screen): And Gary's got the clue figured out, too.
 * Mr. Krabs: You mean about the house's knee?
 * Gary: (meowing) Right. It's the chimney. Get it?
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, no. Now we gotta climb the roof. What a night.
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Walk to the Roof)
 * (The Shadowy Figure Appears)
 * (Scene Slides to the Bikini Bottomites on the Roof)
 * (Mr. Krabs Climbs on the Roof)
 * Mr. Krabs: Okay, Bikini Bottomites, be careful on this slanty old roof.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Whoa!
 * Mr. Krabs: Careful, Sammy!
 * Squidward Tentacles: Hey, guys, look. Something's sparkling up there where the bricks are loose.
 * Mr. Krabs: Right. Gimme a boost, Sammy.
 * (SpongeBob Lifts Mr. Krabs to the Rooftop)
 * (Mr. Krabs Removes the Brick and Finds a Diamond)
 * Mr. Krabs: Triple terrific!
 * (A Horrifying Skeleton Appears, Laughing Sinisterly)
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Fall Off the Roof)
 * (Scene Fades Black)

Ghoulish Guts to the Rescue:

 * (The Bikini Bottomites Fall Off the Roof)
 * (Horrifying Skeleton Jumps Out of the Chimney, and Laughs Sinisterly)
 * (The Bikini Bottomites are Hanging from the Roof)
 * Horrifying Skeleton: You were warned to leave. Now you must pay.
 * (The Skeleton Loosens the Roof)
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Cry in Fear)
 * (Carl Pops his Head Out)
 * Carl: Hey, look! The ghost!
 * Quincy: Ohh!
 * Hans (Off-Screen): Come on! Let's grab him!
 * (The Skeleton Gets Away)
 * (The Ghoulish Guts Struggles)
 * Carl: C'mon, you ding-a-lings. You wanna let the ghost get away?
 * Quincy: Ohh, do I ever! May I be excused, please?
 * Carl: Sure. (Blows his Hand) Going down!
 * (Carl Bops Quincy on the Head, Sending him Down)
 * Ronald: I'm coming, Quincy!
 * (Mr. Krabs Hangs from the Roof)
 * Mr. Krabs: Help me!
 * Carl: Don't worry, buddy. We'll save you guys. You help them, and I'll go after the ghost.
 * Hans: Have no fear, Hans's here. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk. Okay, you can let go of the gutter now.
 * Mr. Krabs: But you're a ghost. How can you pull us up?
 * Hans: Oh, details, details. Just let go, will youse?
 * Mr. Krabs: Well... okay.
 * (Mr. Krabs Lets Go of the Roof and He and the Bikini Bottomites Fall to the Ground, Taking Hans with Them)
 * Hans: I guess this is one on me.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: One on you?
 * Carl: Ah, rats! The ghost got away.
 * Hans: Oh, too bad. Hey, did you look in the up dock?
 * Carl: Up dock? What's up dock?
 * Hans: Nothin'! What's up with you? (Laughing) Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk. I got a kick outta that.
 * Carl: Yeah? Well get a kick outta this.
 * (Carl Folds Hans into a Ball and Kicks Him)
 * Hans: Whoa!
 * (Hans Hits Jay on the Head)
 * (Jay Can't See a Thing)
 * Carl: Well, I gotta get back to work.
 * Jay Samson: Okay, just what the SpongeBob Hill is goin' on?
 * Mr. Krabs: Huh?
 * Jay Samson: Don't play dumb, boy. I got an emergency call for you to hightail it outta here.
 * (Gary Looks at the Clue and is Surprised)
 * Jay Samson (Off-Screen): I got important business to take care of. Now what do you want?
 * Mr. Krabs: Well, you see, Sgt., there's these ghosts. There's this goofy girl. There's this guy Donny shootin', and-- Crickey!
 * (Gunshot Hits Jay's Hat)
 * Jay Samson (Off-Screen): Dang your hide, Donny Koehler. You be careful where you're a-huntin' with that rifle gun, you hear me?
 * (Jay Puts his Hat Back on)
 * (Another Gunshot Hits Jay's Belt)
 * (Jay's Pants Falls Down, Which Causes Jay to Scream in Embarrassment)
 * (Jay Pulls Up his Pants)
 * Jay Samson: Shoot off a law officer's pants, will ya? Just for that, Donny, you got yourself a citation.
 * (More Gunshots are Sounded)
 * (Mr. Krabs Screams)
 * (SpongeBob and Jay Run Away While Gary Reads the Clue)
 * Radio: Calling Sgt. Samson. Where you be, Dude?
 * Jay Samson: What y'all want? I'm in hot pursuit of the perpetrator.
 * Radio: More trouble over that red circus train, Sgt.
 * Gary: (meowing) Hey, guys, look. This is the scroll that was hidden with the diamond.
 * Patrick Star: Maybe it's a clue.
 * Jay Samson: Okay, I'm on my way. 10-4.
 * (Gunshot Hits Jay's Siren)
 * Jay Samson: You're in big trouble now, Donny. When I come back, you're gettin' 2 tickets.
 * (Jay Drives Away)
 * (Siren Wailing)

Broken Keys:

 * (Gunshots are Heard)
 * (SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs Scream in Terror)
 * Mr. Krabs: Crickey! Come on, Bikini Bottomites. Let's make like spiders and bug outta here.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Right!
 * Gary: (meowing) Yeah, right!
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Run Away)
 * Donny Koehler: Huh! You might as well give up, you dang-burned Monty! I gotcha in m' sights.
 * (Donny's Gun Clicks)
 * Donny Koehler: Tarnation! I-- I run outta amination.
 * (Donny Puts More Dirt in his Gun)
 * Donny Koehler: There. That oughta do it. (Giggles) Okay, Monty, I'm back in business.
 * (Donny's Gun Clicks)
 * Donny Koehler: Consar! Now what's wrong with this fool rifle? It's so dark out here I can't see nothin'.
 * (Donny Lights a Match to See What the Problem Was)
 * Donny Koehler: Oops. I got the ol' safety catch on. That does it.
 * (Donny Drops the Match and the Match Lights the Dirt)
 * Donny Koehler: Here I come, ready or not!
 * (Donny Runs After the Bikini Bottomites with the Lit Dirt Trail Following Him)
 * Mr. Krabs: Phew. I think we gave him the slip.
 * Donny Koehler: That's what you think.
 * (Donny Sees the Lit Dirt Trail Coming Close)
 * Donny Koehler: Huh?
 * (The Lit Trail Comes Up to Donny and Explodes, Leaving Donny a Mess)
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Laugh at Donny)
 * (Gunshots Fire)
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Run Back to the Hotel)
 * (Scene Fades to the Hotel)
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Run Inside the Hotel, and Mr. Krabs Slams the Door)
 * Gary: (meowing) Oh, I'd like to give that wacko with the gun a couple of shots.
 * Mr. Krabs: Forget him, Gary. Let's have a look at that clue.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: What's it say?
 * Mr. Krabs: It says, "You're near the family jewels than before. A broken key unlocks the next door." I wonder what that means.
 * Gorilla: Search me.
 * (SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs Whimper in Fear)
 * (They Then See the Gorilla)
 * (SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs Run in the Closet)
 * (The Horrifying Skeleton was in the Closet, So SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs Ran Out)
 * (SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs Run Through the Gorilla, Knocking Him on the Floor)
 * Gary: (meowing) This way, guys.
 * (SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick Run Outside)
 * (Gary Closes the Door)
 * Squidward Tentacles: Okay, guy, put 'em up.
 * (The Gorilla Knocks Down the Door)
 * (SpongeBob Keeps Running)
 * Mr. Krabs: Wait up, Sammy!
 * Donny Koehler: Gotcha this time, Monty.
 * (Donny Shoots his Gun, Gorilla Snarls)
 * Donny Koehler: Oops.
 * (Donny Stuttering)
 * (The Gorilla Grabs Donny's Gun and Starts Shooting with it)
 * (Sarah and Pearl Put the Door Back up)
 * (SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick Knock it Down)
 * Pearl Krabs: It's okay, guys. They're gone. Hey, Mr. Krabs!
 * Squidward Tentacles: SpongeBob?
 * Gary: (meowing) Patrick?
 * (Somebody was Behind the Curtain)
 * Gary: (meowing) Come on out, guys. There's no danger now.
 * Horrifying Skeleton: Oh, no? You're doomed, you little powderpuff girls.
 * Squidward Tentacles: That's what you think, boneface.
 * (Sarah Grabs the Skeleton's Cape)
 * Horrifying Skeleton: No! Let go of me!
 * (The Skeleton Runs Away as his Cape Rips)
 * Squidward Tentacles: Come back and fight, you cowardly bag of bones!
 * (Gary, Sarah, and Pearl Hear Piano Music, and Run to the Piano)
 * Gary: (meowing) Aha! He's in there. I think we'll give ol' Skull Head and earful.
 * Pearl Krabs: Good idea, Gary.
 * (Gary, Sarah, and Pearl Walk to the Front of the Piano, and Bang on the Keys)
 * (SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick Scream in Pain)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: What's the big idea?
 * Mr. Krabs: Yeah, girls, what's the big idea? You wanna knock our ears off?
 * Gary: (meowing) Gee, guys, we're sorry.
 * Pearl Krabs: We thought the ghost was hiding in there.
 * Mr. Krabs: Well, he wasn't, and look what you did. You broke a key.
 * Pearl Krabs: But I didn't--
 * (Mr. Krabs Pushes the Broken Key and the Opening Sound is Heard)
 * Mr. Krabs: What the--
 * (The Doorway Opens)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: I don't get it.
 * Mr. Krabs: I don't get it either, Sammy.
 * Gary: (meowing) I do!
 * (Gary Pulls the Clue from her Pocket)
 * Gary: (meowing) Remember the last clue we had about a broken key unlocking the door? It was a broken piano.
 * Squidward Tentacles: C'mon. Let's see where it goes.
 * Mr. Krabs: I don't know, Sarah. It's awfully dark in there.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah, real dark.
 * Patrick Star: I'd sure hate to get stuck inside here.
 * (The Horrifying Skeleton Pushes the Broken Key)
 * (The Doorway Closes)
 * Mr. Krabs (Off-Screen): Oh, no! Oh, no! Now, what are we gonna do?
 * Pearl Krabs (Off-Screen): I wish we could see what's in here.
 * (A Green Glowing Orb Flashes)
 * (A Scary Face of Hans Appears, Snarling)
 * (Patrick Whimpering): I wish we couldn't.
 * (Screen Fades Black)

Finding Diamonds:

 * Hans: Blah! Blah!
 * (SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs Scream in Terror)
 * (Hans's Face Reverts Back to Normal, as he Laughs)
 * Hans: Pretty terrifyin', huh?
 * Mr. Krabs: Hans!
 * Hans: Yeah! How'd you like my green ghoul imitation? It's a riot at parties. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.
 * Carl: Hey, what are you up to?
 * Hans: I've been showin' the guys here my scary face.
 * Carl: Your scary face? Ha! That ain't nothin' to the scary face I can do. Watch this.
 * Quincy: Hoo-hoo! Oh, yuck! Oh, phooey! I can't stand that horrible face. Ohh! I tell you, I can't stand it!
 * Carl: Hey, you nitwit, I ain't doin' it yet. That's the way my face always looks.
 * Quincy: Hoo-hoo. I know.
 * Hans: Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk. He got you there!
 * Carl: Oh, yeah? Well, both of you get this!
 * (Carl Grabs Hans's Head and Hits Quincy)
 * Mr. Krabs: Hey, you guys, quit clowning around and help us get outta here.
 * Squidward Tentacles: Wait, Mr. Krabs. Look what Gary found.
 * Gary: (meowing) Another diamond.
 * Mr. Krabs: Wow. And another clue. It's so dark in here I can't read it.
 * Hans: Don't worry, buddy. I'll do my imitation of a headlight.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Headlight?
 * Hans: Yeah, that's where my whole head lights up. Nyuk, nyuk. (Inhales as his Head Turns into a Lightbulb)
 * Mr. Krabs: It says, "Look for a relative who is quite old, whose face cannot look, and whose hands cannot hold."
 * (Hans's Head Starts to Blow a Fuse, Which it Does)
 * (Hans Screams in Pain)
 * Ronald: What's the matter with you?
 * Hans: Oh, my head blew a fuse.
 * Mr. Krabs: A relative who's old, whose face can't see, and his hands can't hold anything. Huh.
 * Pearl Krabs: Awesome. That's a tough clue.
 * Mr. Krabs: Yeah. And it's not gonna do us any good until we get outta here.
 * Quincy: That's easy. Just go through the wall, like this.
 * (Quincy Goes Through the Wall)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Like this?
 * (SpongeBob Tries to Go Through the Wall, but Hits his Head)
 * (SpongeBob is All Dizzy)
 * Quincy: What happened?
 * Carl: What do you mean what happened, you lamebrain? He's not a ghost. He can't go through walls.
 * Gary: (meowing) No, but you guys can.
 * Mr. Krabs: That's right. Why don't one of you go out there and hit the broken key on the piano? That'll open up the wall.
 * Hans: Oh, me-me-me-me-me-me! Let me do it! I just love to play the piano.
 * Carl: Never mind playin' anything. Just hit the broken key.
 * Hans: Check.
 * (Hans Goes Out and Starts to Hit the Key, but Turns Around and Smiles Mischievously)
 * (Hans Plays "Moonlight Sonata")
 * (Carl Comes Out and Hits the Stool, Sending Hans Flying)
 * (Hans Comes Down, All Flattened)
 * Carl: Now quit messin' around and hit that broken key.
 * Hans: Ah, lowbrow.
 * (Hans Hits the Broken Key)
 * (The Doorway Opens)
 * Gary: (meowing) Now let's get to work on that clue.
 * Carl: You guys can look for clues, but we still have ghosts to catch. C'mon!
 * (Quincy Floats Away)
 * Carl: Wait a minute. Come back here, Quincy, ya wimp.
 * Quincy: T-T-Tick, t-t-tock. T-T-Tick, t-t-tock. Ooh-hoo-hoo.
 * Carl: Get outta there.
 * Quincy: Ohh.
 * (Carl Drags Quincy with Him)
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Walk to the Clock)
 * Mr. Krabs: Let's see. We're looking for an old relative, whose face can't see, and whose hands can't hold anything.
 * Patrick Star: Oh, boy, I'm stumped.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Me, too.
 * Gary: (meowing) I got it! Hey, guys, here's the answer.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: What is it, Gary?
 * Gary: (meowing) Right here. The grandfather clock. It's an old relative with a face-- a clock face that doesn't see, and hands that don't hold anything.
 * Mr. Krabs: You gotta be right, Gary, ol' pal, ol' friend.
 * Gary: (meowing) You bet I am. Look!
 * SpongeBob SquarePants (Off-Screen): Oh, boy! Another diamond!
 * Mr. Krabs: And the next clue! Oh, boy, I hope we're gonna find a ton of diamonds. It says, "There is no pangelom in this clock. So what does it lack besides a tock?"
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: I know. A tick.
 * (Mr. Krabs Laughs): Right, Sammy. A tick. A tick? What does a tick tells us where to find the next clue?
 * Squidward Tentacles: That's easy. A tick means--
 * (Sarah Has Been Grabbed)
 * Mr. Krabs: What'd you say, Sarah?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Sarah?
 * Patrick Star: Sarah, where-- where are you?
 * (Sarah Snarling)
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Hear Crashing in the Next Room and Run to it)
 * Nathan: Help!
 * Squidward Tentacles: Give me back that diamond, you thief, you!
 * Nathan (Off-Screen): Help!
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Run to the Problem)
 * Squidward Tentacles: Come on, cough it up, buster.
 * Nathan: Stay away from me, you vicious beast.
 * Patrick Star: Just a minute. What's the story here?
 * Squidward Tentacles: This joker of a butler just mugged me for that diamond.
 * Nathan: It's mine, I tell you, mine. The Colonel owned it to me after all these years.
 * Mr. Krabs: It's okay, Sarah. If it's that important to him, let him have it.
 * Squidward Tentacles: Huh? But, Mr. Krabs...
 * Mr. Krabs: Come on!
 * Squidward Tentacles: What's the idea, Si? You're gonna let him get away with that diamond?
 * Mr. Krabs: What's one diamond? We're going for all the family jewels, right? (Chuckles) Now, come on. You were just telling us what the clue means.
 * Squidward Tentacles: You mean a tick? That's just what it says: "A tick." (Off-Screen) That's where we gotta look-- in the a-tick, attic. C'mon!
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Go to the Attic)

Playing in the Attic:

 * (The Bikini Bottomites Arrive at the Attic)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay, guys, let's split up and look for the next clue.
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Split Up, Except for Pearl Whose Knees are Knocking)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: What's the matter, Pearl? Why don't you wanna look?
 * Pearl Krabs: I'm afraid of ghosts!
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Don't worry about ghosts up here, Sal. The Ghoulish Guts already checked it out. Now go on.
 * Pearl Krabs: Okay.
 * (Pearl Walks Quietly in the Attic)
 * (Pearl Gets a Web Caught in her Face)
 * Pearl Krabs: Phooey! Yuck! Yuck!
 * (Pearl Looks Back and Keeps Walking)
 * (Pearl Stops at a Mirror and Screams at the Sight of her Reflection)
 * (Pearl Hides in a Trunk)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: What's the matter, Pearl?
 * Pearl Krabs: The-- The ghost! The ghost!
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: That's not a ghost. It's a mirror.
 * Pearl Krabs: A mirror?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants (Off-Screen): Yeah, a mirror, you big baby.
 * Pearl Krabs: Oh. I knew that.
 * (Pearl Looks at her Reflection)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: You look beautiful, Pearl.
 * Pearl Krabs: Thanks, SpongeBob.
 * Mr. Krabs (Off-Screen): You gotta stay calm, like us, you big scaredy-cat.
 * Pearl Krabs: Scaredy-cat? (She Looks at the Sheets and Giggles)
 * Mr. Krabs: Find anything yet, Sal?
 * (Pearl Moans Eerily)
 * (Mr. Krabs Screams and Hides in the Trunk)
 * Pearl Krabs: Gotcha! (Chuckles)
 * Mr. Krabs: Dagnab you, Pearl. I oughta--
 * Squidward Tentacles: Hey, guys, over here. Look what I found.
 * Mr. Krabs: Holy cow. That's really something isn't it, Pearl? Pearl? Oh, don't do that, Pearl. It's not amusing!
 * Pearl Krabs: I'm not doing anything!
 * Mr. Krabs: Huh?
 * (An Attic Spectral Shows Up and Laughs Sinisterly)
 * (Scene Fades Black)

Stealing the Monty's Diamond:

 * (Attic Spectral Laughing Sinisterly)
 * (The Attic Spectral Grabs the Necklace from Mr. Krabs)
 * Attic Spectral: Scarlet Monty's Necklace. I haven't seen this since before the civil war. (Laughs) As for you trespassers, heed my warning. Leave this place or suffer the consequences.
 * Mr. Krabs: Y-Y-Y-Yes, sir, M-M-M-Mr. Ghost.
 * Gary: (meowing) Not so fast, buster. (She Grabs the Ghosts' Shirt) Gimme that necklace!
 * Attic Spectral: Get away! Get off me! Get off!
 * Patrick Star: Calm down, Gary. It's back luck to grab a ghost.
 * (Gary Snarling)
 * Attic Spectral: Away, I say. Away--
 * (Gary Snarling)
 * Gary: (meowing) Hey! Where'd he go?
 * Pearl Krabs: Yeah. Where to?
 * Mr. Krabs: What do you mean where to? Where do ghosts ever go? Nowhere, that's where.
 * (SpongeBob Walks to the Hole, and Falls Down)
 * (Mr. Krabs, Patrick, Gary, Sarah, and Pearl Watch Him Fall, then he Lands with a Crash)
 * Pearl Krabs: Are you okay, SpongeBob?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: I think so.
 * Mr. Krabs: Blimey, how about that? A ghost with an escape hatch.
 * Gary: (meowing) Some ghost. He felt pretty solid to me.
 * Mr. Krabs: Well, whatever he was, he's gone now. I guess we showed him he couldn't scare us, right, Sarah? Sarah? Oh, no. Where'd you go to, Sarah? Sarah!
 * Squidward Tentacles: Over here, Mr. Krabs. Just went to get the clue to where we look next for the rest of the family jewels. What's it say, Mr. Krabs?
 * Mr. Krabs: Come on. We gotta get outta this dark attic so I can read this.
 * (Light Turns On, and Ghost Sees the Bikini Bottomites)
 * Mr. Krabs: Okay. Now, let's see. It says, "For the next clue, don't look any higher. Just think what you're called when you're not the buyer."
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Not the buyer?
 * Mr. Krabs: Hmm. If I'm not the buyer, I'm the guy that sells something, right?
 * (Pounding Sound)
 * Mr. Krabs: What's that?
 * (Gary Covers Mr. Krabs's Mouth): Shh. It might be the ghost.
 * (Mr. Krabs Covers SpongeBob's Mouth): Shh. It might be the ghost.
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Leave)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Shh. It might be-- Oops!
 * (SpongeBob Leaves the Attic)
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Look)
 * (Nathan Pounds the Door, Opens it to Make Sure it's Fixed)
 * Nathan: There. That's fixed.
 * (Nathan Wipes his Face, and the Necklace Falls Out)
 * Mr. Krabs: Phew. It's just Nathan.
 * Squidward Tentacles: Just Nathan, huh? Look.
 * (Nathan Picks up the Necklace and Laughs)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: The necklace!
 * (Mr. Krabs Covers SpongeBob's Mouth)
 * (Nathan Thought he Heard Something)
 * Nathan: Who's that?
 * (Nathan Walks Over to Find Out)
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Hide their Heads, Except for Sarah)
 * (Nathan Puts the Necklace in his Pocket and Laughs)
 * (Sarah Grabs the Necklace from Nathan)
 * (Nathan Leaves)

The Ghoulish Guts vs. The Monty's Ghost:

 * Mr. Krabs: Smooth move, Sarah. I'll be it was Nathan up in the attic, and he was just pretending to be a ghost.
 * Squidward Tentacles: Could be, but I don't know.
 * Mr. Krabs: Well, I do. And you know what else? (Chuckles) I'll bet there's no real ghosts at all around here!
 * Carl: I resent that!
 * Mr. Krabs: Crikey!
 * Hans: I resent it, too!
 * (Mr. Krabs Screams)
 * Quincy: I don't mind.
 * (Mr. Krabs Screams)
 * Ronald: I don't mind either.
 * Mr. Krabs: Get outta there!
 * (The Ghoulish Guts Falls on the Floor)
 * Mr. Krabs: Give me that. You guys are a total wipeout, you know that? And you wouldn't know a ghost if he was staring at you in the face.
 * Carl: Oh, no? What about that one right there behind you?
 * Mr. Krabs: Ghost behind me? (Chuckles) Don't make me laugh.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah. (Chuckles)
 * (Mr. Krabs Chuckles Nervously)
 * (SpongeBob Chuckles Nervously)
 * (Monty's Ghost Grabs the Necklace from Mr. Krabs)
 * (Monty's Ghost Chuckles)
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Run Away)
 * (Mr. Krabs Tries to Open the Door, but it's Locked Good)
 * Mr. Krabs: Crikey, we're locked in.
 * (Monty's Ghost Tries to Slash Them)
 * Carl: Quick! Hide in here.
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Hide in the Closet)
 * (Monty's Ghost Stops at the Door)
 * Hans: No! Over here.
 * (Hans Opens the Door and the Gorilla Appears)
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Stop at the Door)
 * (Hans Screams as he Goes Inside)
 * (Monty's Ghost Stops at the Door)
 * Quincy: Quick! Over here.
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Jump Out the Window)
 * (Donny Shoots his Gun at the Bikini Bottomites)
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Jump Back in the Window)
 * (Monty's Ghost Comes to the Window)
 * Ronald: Quick, guys! Over here. And watch that first...
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Fall Downstairs)
 * Ronald: ...step.
 * (Ronald Slams the Door)
 * (Monty's Ghost Tries to Open the Door, but it's Locked)
 * Hans (Off-Screen): Hey, general!
 * (Quincy is Stretched like a Slingshot)
 * Hans: Catch.
 * (Hans Shoot Quincy to the Wall, and Bounces Back)
 * Monty's Ghost: "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha." You missed me.
 * (Quincy Falls on Monty's Ghost)
 * (Carl Laughs): How do you like that pain-in-the-neck, you pain in the neck?
 * (Monty's Ghost Pulls Quincy off his Neck and Throws Him)
 * (Quincy Hits the Ghoulish Guts)
 * Monty's Ghost: Fools of a feather stick together, and I'm gonna stick you all.
 * (Monty's Ghost Charges at the Ghoulish Guts Who Vanish)
 * (Monty's Ghost Gets his Sword Stuck in the Wall, and it's Jammed)
 * Hans: Ah, hey, Grandpa, don't look now, but you're sticker is stuck. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.
 * (Monty's Ghost Gets his Sword Unstuck)
 * Hans: Whoa!
 * Carl: Flight formation. Ghoulish Guts away.
 * (The Ghoulish Guts Charges at Monty's Ghost)
 * (Monty's Ghost Tries to Attack the Ghoulish Guts)
 * (Monty's Ghost Spins Around While the Ghoulish Guts Laughs)
 * (Monty's Ghost Stops Spinning and Looks for the Ghoulish Guts)
 * Monty's Ghost: All right, where are you? Where are y'all?
 * (Monty's Ghost's Hat Flies Up)
 * Ronald: Right in here.
 * Hans: Yeah, but keep it under your hat.
 * (The Ghoulish Guts Pulls his Hat Down)
 * (Monty's Ghost Groans)
 * Hans: Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.
 * (Monty's Ghost Jumps Behind a Wall)

Fire in the Hole!:

 * Mr. Krabs: Don't hear anything. I guess it's safe to go back up, Bikini Bottomites.
 * Gary: (meowing) But this is where the last clue said we should go.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: What?
 * Gary: (meowing) Sure. Don't you remember? It said, "What are you when you're not the buyer?" You're the seller. Get it? Cellar!
 * Mr. Krabs: Hey, right.
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Walk to the Cellar)
 * Patrick Star: We're in the right place, but where do we start? This place is humongous.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants (Off-Screen): Hey, look!
 * (SpongeBob Looks at a Cannon)
 * Pearl Krabs: Don't do that, SpongeBob. That's dangerous!
 * (SpongeBob Gulps and Backs Away)
 * (SpongeBob Slips on Some Cannonballs)
 * Mr. Krabs: Blimey, SpongeBob, watch what you're doing.
 * (Mr. Krabs Walks into a Wall)
 * (SpongeBob is All Dizzy)
 * (SpongeBob Smells Something)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Mmm. Smells good. Oh, boy! Look at that!
 * Gary: (meowing) What'd you find, Sammy?
 * Mr. Krabs: Another diamond?
 * (SpongeBob Eats a Ham)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Mmm. Better than that.
 * Squidward Tentacles: Wow! Look at all the hams.
 * Mr. Krabs: Yeah, and look at the ham eating the hams.
 * Patrick Star (Off-Screen): Wow, I'm starved.
 * (A Cannon Rolls in the Room)
 * (SpongeBob is About to Eat Another Ham, When a Necklace and a Clue Falls Out)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, look!
 * Pearl Krabs: Awesome! Another clue!
 * Squidward Tentacles: Read it, Mr. Krabs. What are we faced with next?
 * Mr. Krabs: Uh-- C-C-C-C-Cannon!
 * (Mr. Krabs Screams)
 * (SpongeBob Screams)
 * (Patrick Screams)
 * (Gary Screams)
 * (Sarah Screams)
 * (Pearl Screams)
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Look Shocked)
 * (Screen Fades Black)
 * Mr. Krabs: Everybody, hit the deck!
 * (Hans Pops his Head Out of the Cannon)
 * Hans: Bang! (Hysterical Laughing) Pretty funny, huh? (Laughing) Am I a riot, or am I a riot? (Laughs) You should see your faces.
 * (Cannon Fires Hans to the Wall)
 * (Hans is All Dizzy)
 * Carl: Hey, what's goin' on here? Who's shootin' off cannons?
 * Gary: (meowing) We don't know who's shooting off cannons, but we know who's shooting off his mouth.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh-huh.
 * Carl: What's the matter with you? You sick or somethin'? Lemme see your tongue.
 * (Hans Sticks his Tongue Out, and Carl Grabs it)
 * (Carl Lets Go of Hans's Tongue and it Spins)
 * Carl: Now, come on. We have ghosts to catch.
 * Mr. Krabs: That Hans has a one cracked mind.
 * Squidward Tentacles: Never mind about him. What's the scroll say about the next clue to the family jewels?
 * Mr. Krabs: Huh? Oh, yeah. It says, "The next clue you seek is large and flat. It's the kind of stone you wear as a hat."
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: A stone hat? Ha! That's ridiculous.
 * Mr. Krabs: Yeah, you're right, Sammy. It is ridiculous. Wouldn't I look cute with a big stone on my head? (Chuckles)
 * (SpongeBob Giggles)
 * Gary: (meowing) Hey, guys, that's it. A headstone.
 * SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick: A headstone?
 * Pearl Krabs: Right. Like they put on graves.
 * SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick: G-G-G-Graves?!?
 * Squidward Tentacles: Yeah. The next clue to the family jewels is on a headstone out in the cemetery.
 * SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick: C-C-C-Cemetery?!?
 * Gary: (meowing) Come on!
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, no. Here we go again. Let's go, Sammy. SpongeBob? SpongeBob SquarePants, where are you?!?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Nobody here, but us hams.
 * Mr. Krabs: Ham, huh? (Chuckles) You look more like a chicken to me. C'mon.
 * (Mr. Krabs Picks Up SpongeBob and Takes Him Outside)
 * (The Shadowy Figure Follows the Bikini Bottomites)

Walking Gravestones:

 * (Cut to Outside the Hotel)
 * Mr. Krabs (Off-Screen): Hold it, girls. Lemme check to see if that goon with the gun is out there.
 * (Mr. Krabs Takes a Look and Nobody was There)
 * Mr. Krabs (Off-Screen): Okay, the coast is clear. Come on.
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Quietly Tiptoe from the Hotel)
 * (Donny Tiptoes After the Bikini Bottomites While Pointing the Gun at Them)
 * (Mr. Krabs Laughs): I guess we gave that dumb Donny the slip this time, eh?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah. What a drip.
 * Patrick Star: You said it, brother. He's biggest drip I ever met. (Laughs)
 * Donny Koehler: Hey, who you 3 a-callin' a drip?
 * SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick: You. You?
 * (The Boys Run Away)
 * Donny Koehler: Now I'm gonna blast all of you.
 * (Donny Runs After the Bikini Bottomites)
 * Gary: (meowing) Hey, knock it off, Donny.
 * (Gary, Sarah, and Pearl Run After Donny)
 * (Jay Stops the Car and Sees SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick Running)
 * Jay Samson: Now, you cease and desist that there shootin', Donny.
 * (Donny Shoots at Jay's Tire, and Runs After SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick)
 * Jay Samson: Oh, now, you're in big trouble, boy. You just violated the vehicular code.
 * (Gary, Sarah, and Pearl Run into Jay)
 * (SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick Keep Running from Donny)
 * (They Hide Behind a Bush)
 * (Donny Stops and Tries to Find Them)
 * (Donny Hears a Rustling Sound)
 * Donny Koehler: I see you, you dang Monty's. (Chuckles) Take that!
 * (The Girls Run into Donny, Causing Him to Shoot a Branch Off a Tree)
 * (The Branch Hits Jay's Head)
 * (SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick Keep Running from Donny)
 * Jay Samson: Halt, Donny! I'm a-firin' a warnin' shot.
 * (Jay Shoots a Branch Off Another Tree and it Hits Him on the Head)
 * (SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick Keep Running from Donny)
 * (Donny Shoots a Tree)
 * Jay: Ohh! That's it, Donny! When I count three, I'm a-shootin'. 1, 2--
 * (The Tree Falls on Jay)
 * Jay (Muffled): 3.
 * (Jay Shoots)
 * Jay (Muffled): No respect for law and order.
 * Donny Koehler: You can't fool ol' Donny Koehler. I know you're in thar. (Sinister Laughing)
 * Squidward Tentacles: (Off-Screen): Hey, Donny, not there.
 * Donny Koehler: Huh?
 * Squidward Tentacles: They're in here.
 * Donny Koehler: Oh, thanks.
 * (Donny Shoots his Gun)
 * Donny Koehler: Hey, wait a minute. You wasn't pullin' my leg, was you?
 * Squidward Tentacles: Hmm. Could be.
 * (A Bear Pops Out of the Cave, Roaring)
 * (Donny Screams in Terror)
 * (The Bear Runs After Donny)
 * Pearl Krabs: It's okay, boys. He's gone.
 * Patrick Star: Whew.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Thanks, Sal. Finally we're out of danger.
 * Squidward Tentacles: Yeah. Now we can go to the cemetery.
 * SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick: C-C-C-Cemetery?!?
 * (SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick Groan)
 * (Scene Slides to the Bikini Bottomites Walking in the Cemetery)
 * Mr. Krabs: Blimey, talk about creepy. Look at all these stones. How are we ever gonna find the right one?
 * (The Horrifying Skeleton Peeps from the Headstone)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh, guys, what's that?
 * (The Skeleton Hides)
 * Gary (Off-Screen): What's what, SpongeBob?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: I saw that stone move.
 * Pearl Krabs: Which one?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: That one.
 * Mr. Krabs (Off-Screen): Oh, it looks pretty still to me. (On-Screen) Come on.
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Keep Walking)
 * (The Horrifying Skeleton Peeps Out Again)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: It moved again! It moved again!
 * (The Skeleton Hides Again)
 * Mr. Krabs (Off-Screen): Sammy, don't go freakin' out on us. (On-Screen) Gravestones don't move. Now, come on, we gotta find that clue.
 * Pearl Krabs: Hey, guys, why don't we split up and search for it?
 * Squidward Tentacles: Good idea, Pearl. We'll look over here, okay, SpongeBob?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay, Sarah, but you and Gary and Pearl be careful.
 * Mr. Krabs: And you and Patrick and I will look over here. Moving headstones-- ha!
 * (The Boys Split Up with the Girls)
 * (The Horrifying Skeleton Peeps Out and Runs to Another Headstone)
 * (SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick Keep Walking)
 * (The Skeleton Tiptoes with Another Headstone)
 * (SpongeBob Looks Back and Screams)
 * (The Headstone Stops)
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, no. Don't tell me you saw another headstone moving.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: I saw another headstone moving.
 * (The Headstone Falls)
 * Patrick Star (Off-Screen): Mr. Krabs told you not to tell him that.
 * (SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick Scream in Terror)
 * (They Then Run Away, but Fall into a Hole)
 * Patrick Star: See any sign of him, SpongeBob?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh, I don't think so.
 * Mr. Krabs: Good. Then I guess we gave him the slip.
 * (Shoveling Sound)
 * Mr. Krabs: What's that sound?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: L-L-L-Look!
 * (SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick Run from the Horrifying Skeleton)
 * Gary: (meowing) SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, Patrick, I think I found something.
 * (SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick Run from the Horrifying Skeleton)
 * Gary: (meowing) Wait up!
 * (The Girls Follow the Boys)
 * Pearl Krabs: Hey, guys, why are you up there?
 * Mr. Krabs: The view is better from here.
 * Gary: (meowing) Well, come down. I think I found something.
 * (Scene Fades to the Gravestone)
 * Gary: (meowing) It's this way.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Look.
 * Mr. Krabs: That's a real headstone.
 * Pearl Krabs (Off-Screen): Hey, Mr. Krabs, that's your Uncle Monty.
 * Mr. Krabs: Right, Pearl. This must be the clue.
 * Patrick Star (Off-Screen): Uh-oh. Did you see that? The hat moved!
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah.
 * Squidward Tentacles: The wind did it.
 * Gary: (meowing) Hey, remember the clue about the stone hat? I bet the next clue is underneath it.
 * Mr. Krabs: I'll bet you're right. Come on, Sammy. Boost me up so I can get ahold of that hat.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay.
 * (SpongeBob Lifts Mr. Krabs up)
 * (Mr. Krabs Removes the Hat)
 * Mr. Krabs: Hot dog! You were right, Gary. I'll just grab the--
 * (Monty's Ghost Grabs the Clue)
 * Mr. Krabs: Whoa!
 * (Mr. Krabs Falls Down)
 * (Monty's Ghost Laughing)
 * Mr. Krabs: Let us outta here!
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Wait for me!
 * (Monty's Ghost Laughing)
 * Squidward Tentacles: Gimme!
 * (Sarah Grabs the Stuff from the Ghost)
 * Monty's Ghost: Come back here.
 * Squidward Tentacles: Hey, guys, I got the stuff.
 * (Sarah Runs to Find her Friends)
 * Squidward Tentacles: Where are you?
 * Mr. Krabs: Here, Sarah.
 * (Mr. Krabs Grabs Sarah)
 * Mr. Krabs: Good job, Sarah. I think we gave the ghost the slip.
 * Horrifying Skeleton: Think again, you fools. (Sinister Laughing)
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Falls Down a Hole)
 * (Scene Fades Black)
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Fall Down a Hole)
 * (Horrifying Skeleton Laughing): Now, you infernal snoops, throw out that jeweled brooch and that scroll, or I'll--
 * Squidward Tentacles: Or you'll do what, bonehead?
 * (Horrifying Skeleton Screams): Let me out of here!
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Where'd he go?
 * Mr. Krabs: I don't know where he went, Sammy.
 * Squidward Tentacles: Lift me up, guys, so I can have a looksee.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants (Off-Screen): Okay, Sarah.
 * (Scene Fades to Mr. Krabs Lifting up Sarah)
 * (Sarah Peeps her Head Out of the Hole)
 * Squidward Tentacles: No sign of the ghost. Gary, Pearl, and I will go get help to you boys outta there.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants (Off-Screen): Okay, girls.
 * Patrick Star: It doesn't add up, Sammy. He had us trapped. Why would the ghost run off?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Search me.
 * (Gary, Sarah, and Pearl Run to Get Help)
 * (The Gorilla Comes By)
 * Gorilla: Oh, SpongeBob SquarePants.
 * Mr. Krabs: Well, anyhow, I'm gonna see what I can make out what's on this scroll.
 * (The Gorilla Pats SpongeBob's Head)
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, it's so dark in here.
 * (SpongeBob Pats Mr. Krabs's Head)
 * Patrick Star: Cut it out, Sammy. Mr. Krabs's trying to make out what this says.
 * (The Gorilla Scratches SpongeBob's Hair)
 * (SpongeBob Scratches Mr. Krabs's Hair)
 * Patrick Star: I told you, don't mess around, Sammy. He's reading.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Hmph.
 * (The Gorilla Pulls a Piece of SpongeBob's Hair off)
 * (SpongeBob Looks Up and Gulps)
 * (The Gorilla Waves his Fingers "Hello" at Them)
 * (SpongeBob Jumps in Mr. Krabs's Arms)
 * Mr. Krabs: Whoa! Let go, Sammy. Stop clowning around.
 * (The Gorilla Grabs the Boys)
 * (Gorilla Chuckles)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Yikes!
 * Mr. Krabs: Yeow!
 * Patrick Star: Yikes!
 * (SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick Run Away)
 * Gorilla: Huh?
 * Radio: Calling Sgt. Samson. Calling Sgt. Samson.
 * Gary: (meowing) Quick, Sgt. Come on. Come on.
 * Jay Samson: What?
 * Gary: (meowing) SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick are trapped in a hole in the cemetery and you gotta get a rope and come with us and get them out before the ghost gets them. Hurry up! Will you hurry up? They're trapped like rats!
 * Mr. Krabs: Run for your life! It's King Kong!
 * Gary: (meowing) Never mind.
 * Jay Samson: Nuts. They're all nuts.
 * Radio: Dagnabit, where in Grimm's name are you, Dude?
 * Jay Samson: Who wants to know?
 * Radio: Your boss, the Mayor, that's who.
 * Jay Samson: Oh, hello, Your Honor. How are you? How's the missus and the kids. How's your dog. (Giggling)
 * Radio: Never mind the corn syrup. I wanna know when you are gonna find that there escaped circus ape.
 * Jay Samson: Oh, I'm a-closin' in, Your Honor.
 * Radio: Well, you better get on the job, or you're gonna be throw out of a job, you hear?
 * Jay Samson: Oh, yes, sir. I'm so close to that animal. I can smell him.
 * (The Gorilla was On the Truck, Snarling)
 * (Jay Screams in Terror)
 * Gorilla: Huh?
 * (Scene Slides to the Tree)
 * Mr. Krabs: Well, I guess we finally gave that old ape the slip.
 * Gary: (meowing) Yeah, I don't see him anywhere.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Me neither.
 * Mr. Krabs: Well, let's get back to the hotel and check out this clue. Everybody, stay close.
 * SpongeBob, Patrick, Gary, Sarah, and Pearl: Right.
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Walk Back to the Hotel)
 * (Mr. Krabs Stops and Wonders Something)
 * Squidward Tentacles: What's the matter, Mr. Krabs? You see something?
 * Mr. Krabs: No. I can't explain it. But I got this feeling that someone's watching us.
 * Squidward Tentacles: Oh, it's probably your imagination, Mr. Krabs.
 * Mr. Krabs: Yeah, I guess so.
 * (The Keep Walking Back to the Hotel)
 * (Donny Points his Gun)
 * (Amanda Pulls Donny Down)
 * Mr. Krabs: This place really gets to you, you know? If I didn't know better, I'd swear that someone's right behind me.
 * (Donny Follows Mr. Krabs)
 * Mr. Krabs: Of course I know no one's really there, but still, I can't shake the feeling. It's really impossible. Makes me feel kinda silly, really. But I gotta pull myself together. Can't let my nerves get all shot. No, sir. I mean, it's really, really dumb, thinking someone's out to get you all the time. Just think positive, that's all. That's it-- positive. Just gotta keep repeatin' to myself: No one's out to get me. No one's out to get me.
 * (Amanda and Donny Fight Over Who Gets Mr. Krabs)
 * (Horrifying Skeleton Pops Behind Mr. Krabs, and Donny Points his Gun at Him)
 * Mr. Krabs: No one's out to get me.
 * (Donny Screams and Runs Away)
 * (The Skeleton Follows Back)

Reaching the End of the Obstacle Course/Phony Horsemen:

 * (Back at the Hotel, the Light Turns on)
 * Squidward Tentacles: (Off-Screen): There. Now, you got some light, Si.
 * Mr. Krabs: Okay. Let's have a look at this clue.
 * Carl: What's it say?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Huh?
 * Hans: It doesn't say anything. You gotta read it. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk. You get it? (Chuckles) Boy, am I sharp.
 * (Carl Punches Hans on the Head)
 * Carl: Now, you're flat. Go ahead and read it, buddy.
 * Mr. Krabs: Thanks a lot. It says, "You're nearing the end of this obstacle course. So if you go buggy, you won't need a horse."
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Buggy? Horse?
 * Gary: (meowing) Horse and buggy. Where would you find a horse and buggy?
 * Mr. Krabs: In a stable. And there's a stable that's out behind the hotel.
 * (Knocking Sound)
 * Carl: Shh!
 * (Carl Looks at the Door and Winks at Them)
 * Carl: Scram, you sneak!
 * (Nathan Gasps and Runs Away)
 * Carl: What a creep.
 * (Carl Tries to Get his Head Unstuck)
 * Quincy: Don't worry, boss. We'll get you out.
 * (Hans, Quincy, and Ronald Pull on Carl to Free Him)
 * (The Door Comes Off and Squishes the Ghoulish Guts)
 * Patrick Star: Oh, boy. You Ghoulish Guts give failure a bad name.
 * Gary: (meowing) Come on. Let's go out to the stable and find the next clue.
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Go Outside and Hear Footsteps)
 * (The Ghoulish Guts Scream in Terror and Go Back Through the Wall)
 * (Scene Fades to the Stable)
 * (Mr. Krabs Tries to Open the Door, but it's Jammed)
 * Mr. Krabs: Come on, guys. Gimme a hand.
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Tug on SpongeBob to Open the Door)
 * (The Door Finally Opens)
 * Mr. Krabs: Blimey! The Headless Horseman!
 * Gary: (meowing) Wait a minute, guys. Look again. It's not real.
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, she's right. It's one of those mechanical horses.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Mechanical horse?
 * (Mr. Krabs Turns on the Horse and the Dummy Falls Off)
 * Pearl Krabs: Right. And the rider's just a dummy.
 * Squidward Tentacles: I guess this is one ghost we don't have to worry about.
 * Gary: (meowing) C'mon, guys, let's look for that clue.
 * Patrick Star: I'll stay here and check out the horse.
 * Pearl Krabs: I'll help Gary look for the clue.
 * Mr. Krabs: Right. I'll check out the hay lot.
 * (Patrick Climbs on the Horse and Accidentally Turns it on)
 * Patrick Star: Uh-oh. Whoa, horsey, whoa!
 * Mr. Krabs: Hey, Patrick, what are you doing?
 * (Amanda Grabs Mr. Krabs)
 * Mr. Krabs: Help me! A monster's got me!
 * (Amanda Laughing)
 * Amanda Koehler: Oh, you silly boy, I'm not a monster.
 * Mr. Krabs: Says you.
 * (Amanda Kisses Mr. Krabs on the Lips)
 * Mr. Krabs: Yuck--
 * (Amanda Keeps Kissing Him)
 * Mr. Krabs (Off-Screen): Help me!
 * (Amanda Laughs and Kisses Him)
 * Mr. Krabs (Off-Screen): Let me out!
 * (Jay's Car Runs By)
 * (Mr. Krabs and Amanda were About to Be Run Over)
 * (Scene Fades Black)
 * (The Carriage Runs Past Jay's Car)
 * (Jay Looks Back)
 * (The Carriage Hits a Well, Sending Amanda Up a Tree, and Mr. Krabs in the Mud)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Hang on, Mr. Krabs. SpongeBob SquarePants's coming!
 * Squidward Tentacles: Oh, my! Uh, let's see here. Gosh, Gary, the good news is I found Mr. Krabs. The bad news is SpongeBob fell on him. Is there a problem with that?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Mr. Krabs? Mr. Krabs?
 * Squidward Tentacles: SpongeBob! Let me explain the phrase... to SAT ON YOU!
 * (SpongeBob Gets up From Mr. Krabs)
 * (Mr. Krabs Coughs and Sputters, Looks Sternly at SpongeBob)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Sorry.
 * Mr. Krabs: Yuck-o, slop-o.
 * Amanda Koehler (Off-Screen): Yoo-hoo! Up here, sweetie pie!
 * (Mr. Krabs Looks Up at Amanda in the Tree)
 * Amanda Koehler: Get me down, honey pot, and I'll give you another big kiss.
 * Mr. Krabs: No, thanks. Come on, guys.
 * (SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Sarah Run Back)
 * Amanda Koehler: Oh, pooh. I wish he'd quit playing so all fine hard to get.
 * (Jay Slams the Door)
 * Jay Samson: All right. Now just what in Grimm's name is goin' on?
 * Patrick Star (Off-Screen): Stop!
 * (Jay Looks Back and Sees Patrick on the Horse)
 * (Jay Runs Away)
 * (The Bikini Bottomites See Jay Running from the Mechanical Horse)
 * Jay Samson: Turn it off!
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Run After Jay)
 * Jay Samson: Dagnabit, push the button! Push the button! Push the--
 * (The Horse Knocks Jay into the Lake, Making Jay Scream)
 * (Splash)
 * (Patrick Turns off the Horse and Runs Down)
 * (Jay's Head Rises Out of the Water with a Lilypad on his Head, Spitting Water Out of his Mouth)
 * Jay Samson (Off-Screen): Dang it, why didn't you push the dag-burned button when I told you?
 * Mr. Krabs: That's funny.
 * Squidward Tentacles: What? The Sgt. falling in the lake?
 * Mr. Krabs: No. The Sgt. knowing about how to turn off that mechanical horse.
 * Bikini Bottomites: Huh?
 * (Scene Fades to Jay's Car)
 * Radio: Calling Dude Samson. Where you been, Dude? Why ain't you out catchin' that ape?
 * Jay Samson: Because I'm too busy catchin' a cold. (Sneezes)
 * (Jay Drives Away)
 * (Siren Wailing)
 * Gary: (meowing) I don't get what you're trying to say about the Sgt. and the mechanical horse, Si.
 * Mr. Krabs: What are you talking about?
 * Gary: (meowing) Well, what's the deal? I mean, are you telling me the Sgt. is somehow behind all this? I can't believe that. I mean, after all, he's got his hands full just trying to catch--
 * SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, Patrick, Sarah, and Pearl: The ape!
 * Gary (Off-Screen): Right. That big overgrown jungle jerk.
 * Gorilla: Jerk?
 * (The Gorilla Follows Gary)
 * Gary: (meowing) What a dopey ding-a-ling.
 * Mr. Krabs: Blimey, we gotta get Gary away from that ape. Come on, guys, we gotta get round in front of her.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay, Mr. Krabs.
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Go After Gary)
 * Gary: (meowing) I really feel sorry for the poor guy.
 * Gorilla: Huh?
 * Gary: (meowing) Sure. And you know what else? I don't think he's really dangerous at all. Nah. I mean, the big lug's all alone, he's away from home in the middle of the night. He's probably even afraid of the dark.
 * Gorilla: Uh-huh.
 * Gary: (meowing) And with the Sgt. chasing him all the time, and all the spooky stuff going on around this place, he's probably a bundle of nerves.
 * Gorilla: Yeah.
 * Gary: (meowing) Sure. The poor stiff. I'd hate to think what it would sound like if the big fell ran into the Horrifying Skeleton.
 * (The Gorilla and Skeleton Scream)
 * Gary: (meowing) Hey, Mr. Krabs, that's a great imitation. Mr. Krabs? SpongeBob? Patrick? Sarah? Pearl?
 * Mr. Krabs: Over here, Gary.
 * Gary: (meowing) Huh? Hey, how'd you guys do that?
 * Mr. Krabs: Never mind. Let's get out of here!
 * Gary: (meowing) So, anyhow, Mr. Krabs, what's this theory you got about the Sgt.?
 * Mr. Krabs: All I'm saying is that Sgt. could've been dressed up as that Headless Horseman who chased our truck when we first got here.
 * (Flashback of the Bikini Bottomites Driving to the Hotel with the Headless Horseman by Them)
 * Pearl Krabs (Off-Screen): But why would he do that?
 * (Flashback Ends)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah. Why?
 * Mr. Krabs: I don't know. Maybe just to do like everybody else around here-- drive us buggy!
 * Gary: (meowing) Buggy! The last clue talks about going buggy. I bet it meant this buggy.
 * (Gary Climbs in the Hay and Finds the Clue)
 * Gary (Off-Screen): Another clue and the next clue's gotta be here. I knew it! (On-Screen) Here they are!
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey!
 * Gary: (meowing) Read the clue, Mr. Krabs.
 * Mr. Krabs: Let's see. It says, "To get to the bottom of things is the trick. Think how you're feeling when you're not sick." Hmm.
 * Gary: (meowing) That's it. Well! You feel well! This well!
 * Mr. Krabs: Gotta be right, Gary! Where'd you learn to figure stuff out like that?
 * Gary (Off-Screen): From my boyfriend SpongeBob.
 * Mr. Krabs: From SpongeBob?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Who else? (Giggles)
 * Gary: (meowing) Come on, Sarah, crank me down.
 * (Sarah Cranks the Bucket Down with Gary in it)
 * (Donny Watches the Bikini Bottomites)
 * (Gary Gets Out of the Bucket and Looks Around)
 * Squidward Tentacles: See anything, Gary?
 * Donny Koehler: Aha! There you are, you dang Monty!
 * (Donny Shoots his Gun)
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, no! Not him again! Quick, guys, follow me!
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Jump Down the Well, and the Rope Falls off)
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Fall Down the Well)
 * Donny Koehler (Off-Screen): I got you now. (On-Screen) Ain't nobody gonna save you this time, Monty.
 * (Amanda Comes By and Ties Donny's Gun into a Knot, then Leaves)
 * Donny Koehler: Not even Amanda, that dang-bad sister of mine. (Chuckles)
 * (Donny Points his Gun, and it Shoots at Him)
 * Amanda Koehler (Off-Screen): Don't worry, Mr. Krabs, honey. I'll save you.
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, no.
 * (Mr. Krabs Falls Backward)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey!
 * Pearl Krabs: Wow!
 * Mr. Krabs: Look at this!
 * Gary (Off-Screen): Looks like an old secret civil war supply cave.
 * Patrick Star (Off-Screen): Yeah, and there's a tunnel opening.
 * Mr. Krabs (Off-Screen): What's that?
 * Squidward Tentacles: It's a pearl necklace, and another clue.
 * Mr. Krabs: It says, "At the end of this tunnel are many more pearls, but on the way are many more perils."
 * Pearl Krabs: Great! Let's get rolling.
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Leave, Except for SpongeBob)
 * Mr. Krabs: Where do you think you're going?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: I gotta make a call.
 * Mr. Krabs: A call? What kind of call?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: This kind-- Help me!
 * Mr. Krabs: Come on, SpongeBob.
 * (Mr. Krabs Drags SpongeBob)
 * (Monty's Ghost Drives By)

The Ghost Party/Fantasizing About Food:

 * (The Bikini Bottomites Keep Walking)
 * Pearl Krabs: Wow. This is sure a long tunnel. I can't see the end of it.
 * Mr. Krabs: Hey, what's that up there?
 * Gary: (meowing) Looks like a hatch.
 * Mr. Krabs: Yeah. Maybe it's the way out.
 * (Mr. Krabs Lifts the Hatch)
 * Mr. Krabs: Hey, we're back in the cemetery.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: See any ghosts, Mr. Krabs?
 * Mr. Krabs: No, no sweat. Come on up, guys. There's no ghost for two miles.
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Raise Their Heads Out of the Hatch)
 * (The Hatch Falls on Monty's Ghost's Feet)
 * Monty's Ghost: Ouch!
 * Mr. Krabs: Blimey! Would you believe two feet?!?
 * Monty's Ghost: That did it. Now y'all gonna pay for your trespassin'.
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Scream)
 * (They Run from the Ghost)
 * Monty's Ghost: You'll never get away!
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Keep Running)
 * Monty's Ghost: You can't escape! I'm springin' the booby traps, you boobs!
 * (Monty's Ghost Springs the Booby Traps)
 * (Booby Traps Appear but the Bikini Bottomites Avoid)
 * Mr. Krabs: Blimey! A dead end!
 * Squidward Tentacles: (Off-Screen): At least we're out of danger.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: No, we're not. Look.
 * Mr. Krabs: Blimey!
 * (Monty's Ghost Drives a Bulldozer)
 * (The Wall Flips the Bikini Bottomites in the Basement)
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, boy. I thought we were goners.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Me, too, Mr. Krabs.
 * Mr. Krabs: Hey, we're back in the basement. How about that?
 * Patrick Star (Off-Screen): I'll bet that's how the ghosts have been getting out of the house.
 * Gary: (meowing) Hey, guys, look. More pearls. Just like the last clue said.
 * Mr. Krabs: And another scroll. C'mon. Let's go upstairs and read this thing. You know, now that the tunnel's blocked, I have a feeling we're rid of the ghosts.
 * (Ghosts Laughing)
 * (The Bikini Bottomites See a Ghost Party)
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, no! Now, we have a whole house full of ghosts! (Chuckles)
 * (Screen Fades Black)
 * (The Ghosts Party)
 * Mr. Krabs: Ghosts! We're up to our elbows in ghosts!
 * Hans: Okay, gang, let's boogie!
 * (Hans Cranks the Record)
 * ("September" by Earth, Wind, and Fire Plays)
 * (Hans Grabs Punk Girl Ghost's Hand)
 * Carl: Hi, guys. Great party, huh?
 * Mr. Krabs: Party?
 * Carl: Yeah. Things were gettin' dizzy so we invited the whole family over. That's my cousin, ??? dancin' with his ghoul friend, ???, and our nephew, ???, and there's Cousin ???, and that's our country cousin, ???.
 * Mr. Krabs (Off-Screen): Who's that weirdo?
 * Carl: Oh, that's Uncle ???. He's always tryin' to find himself. They're just folks, but lots of fun. Hey, you want some of this party food?
 * Patrick Star: Sure.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Mmm. Looks good.
 * Patrick Star: What is it?
 * Hans: Scream dip and bone chips. Yummy.
 * (SpongeBob and Patrick Laugh)
 * Patrick Star: This is just so much.
 * Hans: Hey, buddy, come on and get in the spirit. (Laughs) You get it? Ghosts? Spirits? Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk. Boy, what a riot.
 * Mr. Krabs: Yeah, it's a riot, okay?
 * Punk Ghost Girl: They don't cancel this party like that, right, Mr. Krabs?
 * Mr. Krabs: Well... uh, yes.
 * Punk Ghost Girl: Wise guy yes. How do you find clues anyway?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, whoa, whoa. Don't bother my brother. We told him all about that scene.
 * (Hans Stops the Record)
 * (SpongeBob Sits in a Chair)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Let me lay it out for you. Those guys are crazy. Everybody haunts and nobody plays.
 * (Everyone Gasps)
 * Squidward Tentacles: Pretty embarrassing.
 * (Mr. Krabs Wasn't Listening to the Conversation, but he is Stern)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants (Off-Screen): They're doing nothing but P-A-R-T-Y. (On-Screen) Oh, and there's even this skeleton who thinks he's gonna scare him.
 * (Mr. Krabs Gets Even Angrier)
 * (SpongeBob and the Ghosts Laugh)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: But, you know, it doesn't matter, 'cause this party is never gettin' cancelled. Ain't that so, buddy? Mr. Krabs?
 * Carl: Party's over, everyone. Riot's over.
 * (The Ghosts Leave, Except for the Ghoulish Guts)
 * Gary: (meowing) What's wrong with Mr. Krabs?
 * Mr. Krabs: You 4 should be ashamed of yourselves. So I want you to leave.
 * Quincy: What? But we haven't caught your ghosts yet.
 * Mr. Krabs: That's the trouble. All you do is mess around, so just go back where you came from.
 * Carl: But we can't do that, buddy.
 * Hans: No, we can't, I tell you.
 * Quincy: Uh-uh.
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, no? Why not?
 * (Quincy Starts to Play a Sad Song on the Violin)
 * Hans: Well, you see, guys, the truth is, (Sobs) we're orphan ghosts.
 * Bikini Bottomites: Orphans?
 * Carl: That's right. No mother, no father.
 * Hans: No home of our own to haunt. (Blows his Nose)
 * (A Tear Rolls Down SpongeBob's Eyes)
 * Ronald (Off-Screen): That's why we needed the job.
 * (Hans Sobbing): All we ever wanted was to earn enough to get our own place, you know, just a nice scary little house in a spooky neighborhood.
 * Carl (Off-Screen): But if you don't want us, well, I guess that's it.
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Sobbing)
 * Carl: Come on, boys. Let's go see if they can squeeze us in at the spirits rescue mission.
 * (The Ghoulish Guts Sadly Leaves)
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Sobbing)
 * (Mr. Krabs Sobbing): Oh, the poor guys. Gee, I'm sorry we fired them.
 * (The Ghoulish Guts Appears All Happy Again)
 * Carl: That's okay.
 * Hans: We forgive youse. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.
 * Mr. Krabs: Hmm. Well, okay, guys, you're back on the job.
 * Gary (Off-Screen): But you gotta catch some ghosts.
 * Patrick Star (Off-Screen): So, shape up or ship out, okay?
 * Carl (Off-Screen): Yes, sir. (On-Screen) Ghoulish Guts, attention! About face!
 * Hans: What about my face?
 * Carl: It's facin' the wrong way, that's what.
 * (Carl Grabs Hans's Nose and Hits Ronald and Quincy Backwards)
 * Hans: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Ooh!
 * Carl: Forward march! Hup! Hup! Hup!
 * (Hans's Bottom was Facing the Right Way)
 * Carl: Will you come on?
 * Mr. Krabs: It takes real talent to be as dumb as those guys.
 * Squidward Tentacles: Never mind them, Mr. Krabs. What about reading the clue we found downstairs?
 * Mr. Krabs: Clue? Oh, yeah. It says, "There's no mystery about the next clue. Inside Bear Cave, the jewels in plain view."
 * Squidward Tentacles: Hey, we were there before. This is gonna be easy.
 * Mr. Krabs: Yeah, too easy. I hope the bear won't be around.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: The bear? Oh, boy.
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Leave the Hotel)

Off the Rails:

 * Mr. Krabs: Careful, guys. Keep a sharp lookout for--
 * (Gunshots)
 * Mr. Krabs: Donny!
 * (Donny Chases the Bikini Bottomites)
 * Gary: (meowing) Hey, you, cool it!
 * (Gary, Sarah, and Pearl Run After Donny)
 * (SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick Run from Donny)
 * (The Gorilla Snarling)
 * (SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick Screaming)
 * (The Gorilla Gets Shot in the Butt)
 * (Donny Follows the Boys)
 * (SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick Hide in a Log)
 * (They They Look Down and were Shocked)
 * Donny Koehler (Off-Screen): I've got a bead on you now. I'm a-countin' to 3, and then you're gonna get it.
 * (Gary Turns the Log to the Other Side)
 * Donny Koehler (Off-Screen): 1...
 * (SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick Leave with the Girls)
 * Donny Koehler (Off-Screen): 2...
 * (The Gorilla Comes By and Puts his Head in the Log)
 * Donny Koehler (Off-Screen): 3!
 * (Gunshot)
 * Donny Koehler: Gotcha! Oops.
 * (The Gorilla Breaks the Gun and Sticks his Head in the Log)
 * (Donny Laughs): Guess I'm just about to smart for you.
 * (Donny Waves Goodbye and Falls in the Pond)
 * Mr. Krabs: I sure hope this is the last clue. I can't wait to get back to the house so I can get something to eat.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Me, too.
 * Patrick Star: Me, three.
 * Pearl Krabs: We can go for that.
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, boy. What I wouldn't give right now for a great big omelet smothered in mushrooms and onions, and a big heap of French fries on the side. Or maybe a great big pizza. Yeah, a pizza, with lots of hot oozy cheese, and maybe for dessert, a huge hot fudge sundae with a big gob of whipped cream.
 * (SpongeBob Imagines a Pizza and a Sundae)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: With a cherry on top.
 * Mr. Krabs (Off-Screen): Yeah, yeah. A whole bunch of cherries.
 * (SpongeBob's Thoughts Pop)
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, boy. But we can't think about food now. We have to get to Bear Cave.
 * (Grumbling Sound)
 * Mr. Krabs: What's that?
 * Gary: (meowing) That sounded like a bear.
 * (They Quietly Walk Slowly)
 * Mr. Krabs: That's the bear, all right. He must be right nearby.
 * (Grumbling Continues)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: He's getting closer.
 * Pearl Krabs: Wait a minute, Gary. That's not a bear. It's your boyfriend SpongeBob's stomach.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: It is?
 * (Grumbling Sound)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: It is! (Chuckles)
 * Mr. Krabs: Well, tell your stomach to knock it off.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: I can't help it. I'm hungry.
 * Mr. Krabs: Forget food now, Sammy. We have to get to the bear's cave and find the next clue. Come on!
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Keep Walking Until SpongeBob Sees a Berry Bush)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, boy! Berries!
 * (SpongeBob Eats a Bunch of Berries)
 * Mr. Krabs: Forget eating now, Sammy. Come on!
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay. Just one more.
 * (SpongeBob Tries to Pick the Last Berry, but it Turns Out to Be the Bear's Nose)
 * (Bear Growling)
 * Mr. Krabs: Doggone it, SpongeBob, will you stop with the stomach noises already?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants (Off-Screen): That's not me.
 * Bikini Bottomites: Huh?
 * (Bear Growling)
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Scream in Terror then Run Away)
 * (The Bear Chases Them, but Then Loses Them)
 * (Up on the Hill, The Bikini Bottomites Glare Angrily at SpongeBob who Giggles Nervously)
 * (Scene Fades to Bear Cave)
 * Gary: (meowing) Well, here's Bear Cave.
 * Mr. Krabs: I sure hope he's not around. The scroll says the jewel's supposed to be easy to spot.
 * Gary: (meowing) I see it!
 * Mr. Krabs: So do I!
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Me, too!
 * Mr. Krabs: Gimme a boost, Sammy.
 * (SpongeBob Lifts Mr. Krabs up High)
 * Mr. Krabs: Just a little higher, Sammy.
 * (SpongeBob Lifts Mr. Krabs up Even Higher)
 * (Mr. Krabs Grabs the Scroll and the Jewel)
 * Mr. Krabs: Got it! Whoa!
 * (Mr. Krabs Falls Down and Slides Off)
 * Squidward Tentacles: Wow. Talk about a close one.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh-huh.
 * Mr. Krabs: But we got the jewels and the clue. Let's get out of this cave.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: What's that?
 * (Lights Turn On)
 * Pearl Krabs (Off-Screen): Looks like headlights.
 * Mr. Krabs: Look out, guys!
 * Gary (Off-Screen): Mr. Krabs, that's your truck. What's it doing here?
 * Mr. Krabs: I don't know, but here it comes again. Let's get outta here!
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Scream in Terror)
 * (Bear Growling)
 * (Screen Fades Black)

The Bridge:

 * (Bear Growling)
 * (The Truck Comes By)
 * (Bear Growling)
 * (The Bear Sees the Truck and Flees)
 * (The Truck Comes Out of the Cave)
 * Mr. Krabs: Totally weird. First it vanishes, then reappears, then it goes by itself, and now it stops by itself.
 * Squidward Tentacles: Hey, look at this. Somebody attached a remote control gizmo to our truck.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: But why did it stop?
 * Squidward Tentacles: Whoever was controling this thing must be out of range.
 * Patrick Star: Who would do that?
 * Mr. Krabs: Who else, Patrick, except the ghost? Come on, let's drive back to the hotel and read this next clue.
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Drive Back to the Hotel)
 * (The Horrifying Skeleton Comes by and Throws his Remote to the Ground)
 * Mr. Krabs: Gee, I just can't figure it out.
 * Gary: (meowing) Figure out what, Mr. Krabs?
 * Mr. Krabs: How our truck got into the cave. I mean, the last time we saw it, it was sinking into the ground.
 * (Flashback of the Truck Sinking into the Mud)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants (Off-Screen): That's right!
 * Mr. Krabs (Off-Screen): I mean, it just doesn't make any sense.
 * (Flashback Ends)
 * Gary: (meowing) There must be a tunnel under where it went down that connects with the cave. You know, like the one in the cemetery when the ghost chased us.
 * Mr. Krabs: Anyhow, if any more ghosts start chasing us, we can outrun 'em.
 * Gary: (meowing) Well, you'd better start runnin', Si.
 * Mr. Krabs: Blimey!
 * Monty's Ghost: You trespassers are doomed!
 * (Monty's Ghost Chases the Bikini Bottomites with his Sword)
 * Pearl Krabs: Keep it up, Mr. Krabs! You're pulling away from him!
 * Mr. Krabs: If I can get over that bridge, I think I can lose him.
 * (Mr. Krabs Pulls the Gear Switch, but it Doesn't Move)
 * Mr. Krabs: Blimey! It won't go into gear!
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Stop at the Bridge)
 * (Monty's Ghost Comes By)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants (Off-Screen): Come on! Come on!
 * Mr. Krabs (Off-Screen): I'm trying! I'm trying!
 * (Monty's Ghost Laughing Sinisterly While Cuts the Rope)
 * (Mr. Krabs Finally Pulls the Gear Switch into Gear)
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Drive Off the Bridge and Back to the Hotel)
 * (Monty's Ghost Drops his Sword in Frustration)
 * (Back at the Hotel...)
 * Gary: (meowing) So, what's the next clue say, Si?
 * (Creaking Sound)
 * Bikini Bottomites: What's that?
 * Gary: (meowing) It's jut the window, guys.
 * (Gary Closes the Window)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Come on! Read it!
 * Mr. Krabs: I will. Keep your shirt on.
 * (Mr. Krabs is Grabbed by the Gorilla)
 * (Mr. Krabs Falls in Sarah's Arms)
 * Gorilla: Pretty.
 * Mr. Krabs: The ape!
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Run, Bikini Bottomites!
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Run, Except for Gary)
 * (The Gorilla Jumps Up and Down with the Jewels in his Hand)
 * Gary: (meowing) Okay, big guy, cool it. Give!
 * Gorilla: Uh-uh.
 * Pearl Krabs: Psst. Gary, get away from him. Don't mess around.
 * Gary: (meowing) Come on!
 * Gorilla: No.
 * Gary: (meowing) Come here, buddy. I'll make you a deal. If you give me the jewels, then-- (Whispers in his Ear) Okay?
 * Gorilla: Yeah! Yeah!
 * (The Gorilla Gives the Jewels to Gary)
 * Squidward Tentacles: How'd she do that?
 * (Scene Slides to the Gorilla Riding Happily on the Mechanical Horse)
 * Gary: (meowing) Good thing I thought of that mechanical horse, right, SpongeBob?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah.
 * Mr. Krabs: Hello, Sgt.? You have a cold? You sound different.
 * (Scene Cuts to the Telephone Wire)
 * Mr. Krabs (Off-Screen): Anyway, we have your circus ape. Come on and get him. Where? Where do you think?
 * (The Horrifying Skeleton Pulls the Wire Out of the Wall)
 * Mr. Krabs: The Monty Mansion, that's where. Hello? Hello? Hmm. That's weird. Hope he got the message. I got this message for sure!
 * (Mr. Krabs Leaves)

The Skeleton Caught:

 * (Scene Fades to the Docks)
 * Mr. Krabs: The clue says, "Go to a place that covers the tide. To find the last clue, just pier inside." But pier is spelled P-I-E-R.
 * Pearl Krabs: Like by the water. You're right, Mr. Krabs. This boathouse must be the place.
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Open the Door)
 * Mr. Krabs (Off-Screen): Just think. The last clue to the whole family fortune is inside here.
 * (The Shadowy Figure Finally Apppears)
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Look Around)
 * Mr. Krabs: Okay, Bikini Bottomites, let's split up and start looking.
 * (Mr. Krabs, Patrick, Sarah, and Pearl Look Over Here)
 * (Gary Looks by the Boat)
 * (SpongeBob Looks by the Barrel)
 * (SpongeBob Opens the Storage Box and Greedy Eyes Open)
 * (SpongeBob Closes the Door)
 * (The Horrifying Skeleton Appears)
 * (SpongeBob Screams in Terror)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: The ghost!
 * (SpongeBob Jumps in Gary's Arms)
 * (The Boat Leaks)
 * Gary: (meowing) What ghost? Where?
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Over there!
 * (The Skeleton was Gone)
 * Gary: (meowing) Oh, there's nobody there. SpongeBob, you give me a pain sometimes.
 * Squidward Tentacles: There it is-- the final clue. Quick, Mr. Krabs, read it.
 * Mr. Krabs: It says, "No more riddles. Here ends the chase. The treasure's in the fireplace."
 * Horrifying Skeleton (Off-Screen): In the fireplace, eh?
 * Bikini Bottomites: Huh?
 * Horrifying Skeleton: Thank you for solving the mystery for me, fools.
 * (The Skeleton Pulls the Rope that Traps the Bikini Bottomites)
 * Horrifying Skeleton: Farewell, and good riddance.
 * (The Skeleton Pulls the Engine and the Bikini Bottomites Drive Away)
 * Horrifying Skeleton (Jay's Voice): At last, the treasure is mine.
 * (The Skeleton Leaves)
 * (The Boat Rises Out of the Water, and Mr. Krabs Spits the Water Out of his Mouth)
 * Mr. Krabs: What happened?
 * Gary: (meowing) How'd we get outta the water?
 * (The Ghoulish Guts Appears)
 * Hans: Oh, we just thought youse might want a lift. Nyuk, nyuk. Get it? Lift up?
 * Carl: Pipe down!
 * Gary: (meowing) The Ghoulish Guts. Gee, thanks.
 * Mr. Krabs: Well, you saved us, but it's too late to stop the ghost from getting the treasure.
 * Carl: What do you mean too late? No ghost beats the Ghoulish Guts. Spirit Speed, yo!
 * (The Ghoulish Guts Takes the Bikini Bottomites Back to the Hotel)
 * (Scene Slides to the Horrifying Skeleton)
 * Horrifying Skeleton: There must be a lever here someplace. Aha!
 * (The Horrifying Skeleton Pulls the Lever)
 * (Horrifying Skeleton Laughing): I got it!
 * Gary (Off-Screen): Not yet you don't!
 * Mr. Krabs: Just hold it right there, Mr. G-G-Ghost or whoever you are!
 * Horrifying Skeleton: Stand back! Nothin's gonna stop me now!
 * (The Treasure Piles Up and Traps the Horrifying Skeleton)
 * Horrifying Skeleton: Ohh!
 * (The Gun Falls on the Floor)
 * Mr. Krabs: Take a look at those diamonds!
 * Gary: (meowing) Let's take a look at that ghost!
 * (Mr. Krabs Pulls off the Mask and it was Jay)
 * Bikini Bottomites: The Sgt.?
 * Dude Samson (Off-Screen): Somebody call me?
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Look Back and See the Real Dude Samson)
 * (They Then Look at Jay and Turn to the Camera)
 * Bikini Bottomites: Huh?
 * (Scene Fades to Jay Being Arrested)
 * Mr. Krabs: Wow, so this guy is your brother.
 * Dude Samson: Yep, my blacksheep brother, Jay. Like to strap a towcars, and impersonate ghosts and me. Don't you?
 * (Jay Grumbling): Yeah, you goody goody brother.
 * Dude Samson: Jay, that masquarade's over.
 * Jay Samson: I knew this treasure was here. I knew it. All my life I wanted to get my hands on it, and I had it.
 * Mr. Krabs (Off-Screen): Yeah, for about 20 seconds.
 * (SpongeBob Smells a Costume in the Closet)
 * (SpongeBob Then Had an Idea as he Grins Evilly)
 * Dude Samson: And now, we're gonna get you straightened out! Come on!
 * (Dude Drags Jay Outside)
 * Squidward Tentacles: Pretty amazing. To think that guy could imitate all the ghosts.
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, I wouldn't be too sure about that.
 * (Monty's Ghost Moans with SpongeBob's Voice)
 * (The Ghost Crashes on the Treasure)
 * (SpongeBob Pulls off the Mask)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: It's just me. (Giggles)
 * (Mr. Krabs Chuckles): I guess, there's no real ghosts after all.
 * Monty's Ghost (Off-Screen): Oh, no?
 * (Screen Fades Black)

The Ghoulish Guts Farewell:

 * Mr. Krabs (Off-Screen): Wow, what a meal.
 * Pearl Krabs: You said it, Mr. Krabs. I'm stuffed.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: Me, too.
 * (Gong Rings)
 * Nathan: Dessert is served. (Laughing)
 * Bikini Bottomites: More?
 * (The Pot Opens to the Ghoulish Guts)
 * Patrick Star: Hey!
 * Carl: Oh, hi, guys!
 * Hans: I guess we take the cake. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk. You get it? Take the cake?
 * Quincy: We're ever so sorry we ate it, but we were just so hungry.
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh, that's okay, you deserve it. As a matter of fact, you deserve a whole lot more. Right, guys? You Ghoulish Guts were such a big help, that we're leaving you this whole hotel.
 * Squidward Tentacles: Yeah. To haunt for as long as you like.
 * Ghoulish Guts: Wow!
 * Ronald: That's great. But where are you guys going?
 * Mr. Krabs: We're splitting for home.
 * Hans: But what are you gonna do with all youse diamonds?
 * Gary: (meowing) They're going to the Monty's Tressfund for Orphans.
 * Carl: Gee, that's sweet.
 * (The Bikini Bottomites Leave the Hotel)
 * Ghoulish Guts: Goodbye.
 * Bikini Bottomites: Goodbye.
 * (The Ghoulish Guts Waves Goodbye to the Bikini Bottomites)
 * Mr. Krabs: Nothing against the Ghoulish Guts, but I hope I never see another ghost.
 * Patrick Star: Uh-oh. Speaking of ghosts, look.
 * (Monty's Ghost Appears in Front of the Bikini Bottomites)
 * Mr. Krabs: Knock it off, Sammy. You pulled that joke before.
 * SpongeBob SquarePants: It's no joke.
 * (Mr. Krabs Screams)
 * (Mr. Krabs Then Drives Away)
 * (Monty's Ghost Looks Back at the Bikini Bottomites Leaving)
 * (The End)