Stop the Officer

Computer screen (We open on a PowerPoint presentation; the title of this presentation is Butterbean's Café, aka our title card.)

Butterbean (OS): Louisville.

(A picture of the St. Louis Church SPINS IN...)

(...and the fairies, all here today, applaud. Though Poppy, always the pessimist, doesn't applaud.)

Jasper: Nicely done.

Dazzle: Great job!

Butterbean: Guys! I've barely started the presentation.

Jasper: Sorry, Butterbean.

(Butterbean clears her throat; we turn our attention to the screen.)

Butterbean: Louisville. City of love!

(In the City of Loooooove!-- Butterbean presses the space bar; next slide. A stock photo of a couple in love - complete with Cupid on top left - is shown, the domain name, stockfoto.bizz, is shown below.)

Butterbean (OS): City of hunchbacks.

(Spacebar; next slide. A hunchback is shown (well, a stock image of one with Cricket's face plastered onto it, anyway.)

Cricket: Hey!

Butterbean (VO): City of... cafés!

(Spacebar, next slide; a French Café is shown on the screen.)

Butterbean: Hello. I'm Butterbean. (next slide - French flag) And ever since I moved to Louisville, I've had one big dream. To open my own Louisvilleian café. Now, you're probably wondering, what qualifies me to run a French café?

Jennah: I was wondering that, yes.

Butterbean: Recently, I have worked many, many jobs. But none have prepared me for this more than working as the manager of my Coffee shop.

(Oh, the memories...)

Butterbean: I prepped orders, took care of the store, and supervised employees!

(She gestures to Cricket, being the other employee who worked at the store.)

Cricket: Wow! You did all that?!

(Well, it wouldn't be in our best interest to exclude Ms. Cho. She was the catalyst to Cricket's former job and the reasoning behind Butterbean gaining a co-worker.)

Butterbean: I have the passion. Experience. And now, opportunity, to make my dream finally come true. Now, I say to you, bankers of Louisville... Will you give me a loan so I can open my new café?

...

Butterbean: Now you can clap.

(The fairies but Poppy erupt into applause. Dreams may have died when the Coffee shop closed, with Chip's thunderous applause, but Butterbean is ready to get this new path started! But Poppy lacks the confidence.)

Poppy: Good luck!!! The bankers will see right through you! Startin' a business takes grit, and you just don't have it!!!

(Butterbean is hurt; push back - Jasper is here to back her up.)

Jasper: Now, that's just not true! I know Butterbean can get that loan.

(Butterbean is touched.)

Dazzle: We're here for you, Butterbean. (playfully lightly punches her arm) We'll help however we can.

Butterbean: Thanks, guys...! I appreciate you saying that. You have been like a second set of parents to me. I won't let you down!

Dazzle: We know you won't!

(Butterbean fist-pumps!!!)

Butterbean: All right!!!

(Then closes the lappy...)

Butterbean: It's time...

(picks up a briefcase...)

Butterbean: ...for Butterbean...

(and a jacket...)

Butterbean: ...to ACHIEVE HER DREAMS!!!!!

(Standing by a majestic background is Butterbean with her blue hair in a bun, and wearing formal wear. It's time.)

Bank (Butterbean cooly walks into the bank, humming all the while...)

(...then seconds later walks out the bank, crying all the while and scattering all her papers. This doesn't look good.)

(The crying is heard all the way from here; the kids poke their heads out. Oddly, the mailbox that Jasper made himself is nowhere to be seen on the front lawn.)

Jennah: Hark! Are those the moaning cries of a wounded animal?

('Cause she'll spring into action if they are!)

The old building to the left of their house Jennah: ...oh, it's just Butterbean.

Cricket: Butterbean, what happened? Where's your loan? Are you holding it? What is a loan?

(Butterbean rubs the running mascara off her cheeks.)

Butterbean: No, Cricket, it... it didn't work out. I won't be able to rent a café space. MY DREAM IS OFFICIALLY DEAD!!!!!

Cricket: (shrugging it off) Aw, don't worry about it; things come and go. I'm sure you'll find another life-long dream in no time!

(Butterbean starts to walk, not seeing where she's going.)

Butterbean: I wasn't asking for much! All I needed was enough to rent an empty space I could run a small coffee joint out of!

(Butterbean leans back at the building doors, and they open; Butterbean falls.)

(Butterbean gets up with a groan.)

Butterbean: Huh. They must have forgotten to lock this place up.

Cricket: Wow! The ol' Coffee space...

(Abandoned after its hostile takeover and painstakingly reconstructed, with no traces of the old businesses inside.)

Butterbean: Yeah. A lotta good memories here.

Cricket: Man, all this place needs is a good cleaning, maybe some chairs and tables... could be good as new!

(Ding ding... IDEA!!!!!)

Butterbean: Cricket, that's it!

Cricket: Wait, what's it?

Butterbean: This is it! This is my café! The location is great, the customers wouldn't know if I was illegally renting the space or not, and we can work with the run-down look as a...

Butterbean (VO): ...French Revolutionary theme.

(Butterbean's hands serve as the transition to Butterbean's dream café; it is indeed very stylistic and era-appropiate. The other bits of the shop: Butterbean serves the Anti-Zucchini Woman with a cup of joe - Butterbean is wearing the appropiate attire for a French Revolutionary theme.)

Butterbean (VO): With all the business we'll get, in a few days, I could make enough money that I wouldn't even need a loan!

(The anti-zuke woman gives Butterbean a bag of money, which she drops into a nearby pile of bags of money. Butterbean, laughing gleefully, jumps onto the bags.)

Butterbean: And best of all, your Mom and Dad won't ever have to know that I failed in the first place. You guys in?

Jennah: Teamin' up to run a secret underground café?

Cricket: Oh, we're in.

, evening - multiple locations (The sun sets; Jennah is by the backyard garage, and Cricket rolls out a barrel and Butterbean some chairs.)

(The kitchen: Jasper is washing the dishes, and Cricket's hand takes a nearby mug. And a plate once Jasper has finished cleaning it.)

(Hallway: Cricket and Jennah run off with the mugs and associated café gear as Poppy sleeps in the background. Butterbean also runs off with two pillows.)

Coffee building (Inside, Butterbean puts in a grain of grinded-up coffee into a coffee maker, Jennah sets up the French Flag, and Cricket finishes with the chairs. Outside, a car drives by; Butterbean peeks out the front door blinds.)

Butterbean: Guess it's time to open up! We need to think of a way to bring customers in without TOO many people noticing.

Cricket: Leave that to us! Grabbin' people's attention is my whole thing! And Jennah's great at keeping secrets.

Jennah: Nobody's getting in without la phrase secréte!

Butterbean: Alright then! Get out there, you little delinquents!

(They are happy; tons better than being called "good kids", y'know? Coffee and mugs transition:)

(The beautiful skies of Louisville: a Splish Jasperboard is shown on top of a building. We pan down...)

Cricket: People of Louisville! Aren't you tired of the same ol' coffee? Don't you want your Bean Juice Experience to be more... exclusive?

(A salmon-colored guy notices this.)

Salmon-Colored Guy: I'd like that!

(A crowd has amassed.)

Cricket: Then you're in luck, my thirsty friends! Just follow my instructions, and keep it... hush-hush.

(Transition:)

Butterbean's Underground Café building (Outside, there is a decent amount of people waiting to go inside. The revered anti-zuke woman and a glasses-wearing different salmon-colored guy walks into the back.)

Other Salmon-Colored Guy: Huh. That little boy said to come back here...

Jennah: Halt!

(The two jump in fright. Jennah, wearing period-appropiate guard gear.)

Jennah: Password, s'il vous plait (Please)?

Other Salmon-Colored Guy: The purple dove flies at midnight.

(Just what she wanted to hear.)

Jennah: You are free to enter, mes enfants (My children)!

(Transition:)

(The place is packed. A CD player playing NOW That's What I Call Accordion Music [volume 2] is here, belting out the appropiate music. Alexander is with Terry, both pointing out the C'est une Baguette poster.)

Alexander: Ooh! Culture.

Butterbean: Need a refill?

Alexander: Please!

(He refills.)

Alexander: Okay, this is the BEST café in Louisville, Terry.

(The two walks away; Butterbean basks in it. Cricket pops out from a nearby bean barrel...)

Cricket: Butterbean!

Butterbean: Aah!!!

Cricket: Just running a li'l perimeter check. How's it all goin'?

Butterbean: Pretty good, actually! If we can keep this going for a few more days, I think I'll be able to rent this place for real!

(She holds up a wad of cash; success! So far.)

Butterbean: We just need to make sure nothing unexpected happens.

(Tempting fate NOW, Bean?)

(Suddenly, the front door opens... SLAM! It's the adult fairies.)

Dazzle: What's going on in here???

Jasper: We heard noises!

Poppy: Where's the squatters??!?

Jasper: Wait... What is all this?

(It's a generic café, Jasper, nothing to see here. You may go about your business. Butterbean slides in...)

Butterbean: Guys, it's okay! This is...

(She pauses... then puts on a show for the fairies to see.)

Butterbean: ...my café!

(Jasper and Poppy are stupefied to ask.)

Dazzle: You got the loan!

Jasper: You're open already?

Butterbean: Isn't it obvious...? The rustic atmosphere, the accordion music...

(She shoots a look Cricket's way.)

Butterbean: The front door that should be locked!!!...

(Cricket gives a nod, thumbs up and slowly lowers into the barrel. The other fairies examine the café...)

Jasper: This doesn't look anything like the café in your presentation. Why is everything so old and drabby? Weren't you able to buy some new things with your loan?

Butterbean: Oh, no, it's exactly what I wanted!

Poppy: Same as I said before: you don't got the grit for this.

Jasper: Now, don't listen to her! (remembers something) Oh! I was gonna save this for when you're open, but as that's now...!...

(He leaves...)

Butterbean: Where's he going?

(...and the sounds of hammering can be heard.)

(They exit to see that Jasper has...)'

Jasper: Well, whaddya think?

(...finished a sign reading "Butterbean'S CAFE".)

(Butterbean gasps; this isn't in the agenda.)

Butterbean: (pulling her hair; straining, though grateful) Oh, my gosh....!!!!!!! It's... so... eye-catching!

Jasper: Yup! Now EVERYONE in Louisville, will know you're here!

(Knock on wood; surely there won't be any unintended side-effects...)

Butterbean: Yes.... That is true............

(She has to get them off the scene before the jig is up...)

Butterbean: Hey, why don't you guys head inside and I'll get you some menus?

Poppy: No thanks. You call this a business???? This whole operation will collapse in a DAY!!!!!!!!!! MARK MY WOR --

(She is muffled... a big thank you to Jasper for silencing the negativity.)

Jasper: What she means to say is... "We're so proud of you, and you're doing great."

(Dazzle winks...)

Dazzle: Nice work, big shot!

(...and Butterbean returns the gesture.)

Butterbean: Thank you!

(Into a walkie:)

Butterbean: Cricket.

(The man for the job breaks out the board behind her.)

Butterbean: Deal with the sign.

Cricket: Affirmative.

(He drops down to take care of business.)

(The ever-so-convenient po-po cruiser is cruising down the street, with the jolly music marking... Officer Keys.)

Keys: (yawn) Hour one of my shift and I'm already sleepy.

(He sees the café... oh no.)

Keys: Huh? A new café? A medium cup of joe would be perfect for this tall drink of water!

(He turns around, making car sounds as he goes.) (Back at the café, Cricket has finished climbing up to the sign.)

Cricket: Alright! You're coming with me, sign!

Keys (OS): ♪ Coffee, coffee For my tummy ♪

(He sees Keys putting coins inside a parking meter. Oh no.)

Keys: ♪ Yum, yum, yum, yummy ♪

Cricket: Hatchia matchIEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

(He falls off, taking the sign with him!)

(Butterbean takes orders for the fairies...)

Jasper: I'll have a "mac and roon". (Macaroon)

Cricket (OS): Butterbean! Butterbean!!!

(He brings in the sign.)

Cricket: We got a Code Keys!

Butterbean: "Code Keys"?!

(She jumps on the sign, breaking it. Jasper is understandably hurt.)

Jasper: Butterbean!

Butterbean: I'm so sorry. But the cool thing now for a café is to NOT have a sign!

Jasper: Well, if you say so...

(The front door rattles...)

Cricket and Butterbean: Oh. no!!!

(Keys is trying to open the door.)

Keys: Huh, this place is locked. And I could've sworn there was a sign here. What a a mystery... a mystery too great for even Officer Keys! Luckily, Detective Keys is on the case!

(He spies the "FOR LEASE Don & Dawn 555-0192".)

DETECTIVE Keys: A-ha! A clue!

(He dials the number.)

Keys: Time to follow up with this "Don and Dawn"...

(Butterbean is rattling in fear.)

Jasper: Butterbean, aren't you gonna let that customer in?

Butterbean: No, no, no, this is all part of my theme! The door rattling means it's time for, uh... EVERYONE TO LISTEN UP!!! Pay close attention, as your participation is mandatory!

(Keys has brought Don and Dawn to the premises.)

Don: Now why'd you bring us down to one of our empty buildings?

Keys: We're about to blow the lid off the biggest mystery this town has ever seen!

Dawn: Ugh! We got out our jammies for this!

(Keys opens up...)

Keys: Open sesame! ...Wha?!??!?!?!?

(Three shots... ghost holding a cup. Eyes on a ghost. And three of them. All are lit by their own flashlights.)

Keys: G-g-g-g-GHOST CAFÉ?????!??!

(Keys is horrified!)

Keys: Oh, my goodness! This IS embarrassing! You two were right. A few spectral nuinsances, but nothing out of the ordinary.

(Don and Dawn are TERRIFIED. They jump onto Keys' hands!)

Don and Dawn: GET US OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!

Keys: Hah! You two got cuddly all of a sudden.

(As the two hug each other and Keys, they are whimpering in fright.)

Keys: Hmm... there's still something... off about that place.

(One of the "ghosts" peek through the window; Keys is gone. The ghost throws off its bedsheet: Butterbean.)

Butterbean: Phew! All right, everybody, the interactive ghost experience is over!

(The flashlights are all turned off; everyone is also underneath their own bedsheets.)

Butterbean: Now I hope we all understand what it must have felt like to... be a ghost... in the French Revolution...

(Everyone takes off their bedsheets.)

Back door (The fairies exit and take off their sheets.)

Jasper: I'm just gonna say it... This is a strange way to run a café, right?

Front entrance Dazzle: Yes! I can't help but feel like Butterbean just doesn't know what she's doing!

Poppy: Told ya.

???? (OS): Boy, howdy!

(The guy walks in: purple skin, looking like a hipster and bearing an uncanny resemblance to someone we know...)

Hipster Guy: I'd sure love a nice latte before I hit up the cell phone store! Say, fellas, do you know where a hipster like me could find one?

Jasper: You see? This is what I mean. We gotta help Butterbean!

(By leading this guy into the café and risking shutting it down. The guy looks an awful lot like Keys... but we're not going to go out on a whim and say it.)

Jasper: Well, my good hipster, you've come to the right place.

(Jasper drags the hipster in.)

Jasper: Hey there, Butterbean! We found you a new customer!

(The hipster winks. Butterbean is serving coffee to the golf cart driver.)

Butterbean: Ugh! Guys! Stop using the front door!

Jasper: Butterbean, we're gettin' a little concerned. All of this secrecy... How are customers supposed to discover your café?

Butterbean: It's fine! This is the way I wanna do things! (to the hipster) You. You wanted coffee, right?

Hipster: Oh! Yes!

Dazzle: It's nothing personal, sug!

(hmm...)

Dazzle (OS): We're just trying to give you a little push in the right direction!

(As she says that off-screen, the reflection on Butterbean's pensive face appears.)

Dazzle: After all, you worked so hard to get that loan!

(Maybe it's time to come clean...)

Butterbean: ...but I didn't get it.

Jasper: What was that, Butterbean?

Butterbean: I said, I didn't get the loan!!!

Dazzle: What're you talking about?!

Butterbean: I tried to get approved for the loan, but I failed! I was so worried about letting you -- no, letting MYSELF down -- that I risked opening an illegal café because I thought that maybe if I succeeded at this one thing, it would prove I'm not a total loss.

(Unlike her stupid, successful cousin Emily!!!... Her lie has been exposed! She tears up a bit.)

Jasper: Butterbean...

Dazzle: Oh, sug...

Poppy: Well, I'll be...

Hipster: What a crazy situation! And it was...

(The hipster takes off his shades and beard, revealing him to be none other than...)

KEYS!!!!!!!!!!: Exactly what I wanted to hear!

(...but nobody recognizes him.)

Butterbean: ...huh?

(Shed the beanie and 'stache; just a bit more... it's surprising how the others don't catch on.)

Dazzle: Hmm?

Jasper: Um...?

(THE CAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Everyone: OFFICER KEYS?!?!?!?!?

(Ah, they've picked up Heinz Doofenshmirtz' naivety.)

Keys: Yes! Undercover me! I knew SOMETHING was off about this "ghost café"... but I wasn't quite sure WHAT.

Flashback: Keys' investigation office (Keys, private eye and detective, gazes at an evidence board connecting all the oddities of the "ghost café"...)

Keys (VO): We all know spirits LOVE abandoned buildings. And they LOVE to drink coffee! Everything seemed above board...

(He pushes everything off the desk.)

Keys (VO): But that's when it hit me! (eyes narrow in close-up) If there's one thing I know about ghosts...

Keys: It's that they love saying "Boo"! And not a single "boo" was heard. Not even a little one!

(Butterbean is pained, Jasper and Dazzle shocked... she's totally in for it this time.)

Keys (OS): You would've gotten away with it, too, Butterbean...

(Keys walks up to Butterbean.)

Keys: ...if it hadn't been for a meddling Keys!

(He takes out the cuffs... OH NO.)

Keys: And his partner Officer Cuffy.

(Oooooooh no.)

(The car is parked outside; the fairies await Butterbean.)

Jasper: Woof. The number of times I've parked on this street...

(Butterbean, now wearing a red hoodie, exits the police station, Keys besides her.)

Keys: Thanks for being so cooperative, Butterbean! The profits from your illegal coffee stand were just about enough to cover all the fines for your trespassing!

(Butterbean enters the Kludge.)

Keys (OS): Safe travels!

Jasper: Well, that could've gone a lot worse, right?

(Don't say that now. Everybody else but Butterbean and Jasper groans.)

Jasper: I'll just drive now...

(The Kludge departs the station, Keys waving at them.)

(The Kludge pulls up; Butterbean exits, Poppy is on the porch, waiting.)

Poppy: There you are! I got some words for you!!!

Butterbean: I can take a guess: you were right, and I don't have what it takes...

Poppy: Nice try, but you need to hear this!

Jennah: Poppy!!!

(Cricket does the "No, please don't!" gesture.)

Poppy: You lied to all the people who were tryin' to support ya, and you ended up breakin' the law!

(Butterbean winces... she doesn't want to hear this. Not right now.)

Poppy: You couldn't take no for an answer, put everything you had on the line, and took a huge, ridiculous risk! Kinda reminds me of myself.

(Butterbean is taken aback.)

Butterbean: Sorry... what?

Poppy: Well, I probably wouldn't have gone with the French theme.

(The others are watching with intent.)

Jasper: Or broken the law, right, Ma?

Poppy: Yeah, sure. Yeah.

(Butterbean's frown has faded away, being replaced by a smile with a tinge of well-intentioned surprise. It's definitely a surprise to be sure, but a welcome one indeed.)

Poppy: The point is that I'm real impressed. It takes a lot of passion and cleverness to run a business. And you've proven you got the grit of a real fairy.

(Jasper turns to the others. Success! Butterbean is touched.)

Poppy: Which is why I wanna make you an offer.

Butterbean: "Offer"?

Poppy: I got a bit of money squared away for my retirement, and I'd like to use it to invest in your business! (gestures to the Kludge) Plus, I can supply you with some free labor.

Cricket: (from the truck) Heyyy!

Butterbean: Alice... I...

(She tears up; she doesn't know how to process this.)

Poppy: Well, are ya just gonna stand there sobbin', or are ya gonna make a deci--?

(She suddenly wraps Poppy in a tight hug.)

Butterbean: Thank you...

Poppy: All right, no need to get mushy now.

(The others join her in a fairy family hug.)

(The building is no longer for lease; Don and Dawn are here to officiate. Dawn shakes Poppy's hand.)

Jasper: Feels good to be doing things the right way. And what a great way to help out Butterbean.

(Don and Dawn leave the scene.)

Poppy: "Help Butterbean"? This ain't no charity!!! (to Butterbean) You hear that, missy?

(She is painting the sign for the Butterbean's Café; the cafe is poised to take an army-green color scheme with a gray and white shade.)

Poppy (OS): I expect to make all my money back and more!

Butterbean: (determined) Yes, ma'am!

Cricket: Ahh, working with Butterbean again. You just don't mess with a proven formula.

(A random beige-colored guy walks into scene.)

Beige-Colored Guy: Oh, hey, a new café! You must be Butterbean!

Butterbean: No, it's Butterbean. My name isn't...

(No point denying it now.)

Butterbean: Oh, forget it.

(And with that, we end the episode. A fresh - and much-needed - start is now on the horizon for Butterbean...)