Balloony and Kuromi in Pranks a Lot (Alt Version)

[Balloony and Kuromi walk up to the Palace of Pranks.]

Balloony: Well, Kuromi, here it is, the Palace of Pranks, the greatest novelty shop in Bikini Bottom. All the greatest pranksters shop here. This is where i got my gag. [the scene shows a close up of the can of Seanut Brittle.] seanut brittle can.

Kuromi: Oh, boy, Seanut Brittle. Gimmie! [Kuromi tries to open the can.]

Balloony: Kuromi, wait, it's a booby trap, remember?

Kuromi: Nice try, Balloony, but it's not gonna work this time. i'm gonna have some of your delicious Seanut Brittle! [opens the can and purple tubes pop out of the can] Where's the Seanut Brittle?

Balloony: Aaaa! Oop, there it is, a small case, case-lightning-bulb.

Kuromi: Tiny lightning bolt? ok. [taps the lightening bolt on the can.]

[Balloony enters the Palace of Pranks and smells the air.]

Balloony: Ah! [Kuromi enters the scene] Nothing compares to the smell of cheap plastic novelty items. [an aisle is shown] Pranks, gags, and gross-out toys as far as the eye can see! [walks down an aisle] Isn't it everything i said it would be, Kuromi?

Kuromi: [in another aisle] Hey, Seanut Brittle! [purple tubes appear popping above the aisle that Kuromi is in] Oh, darn it, not again! [Balloony walks behind the gags] Quick! Make sure they're all off! He unlocks the room. Plugs them in.

Kuromi: bah! Another plan! [Balloony reads from his comic book, munching on a Prickly heat flavored popsicle. An old fish named Frank enters the scene.]

Frank: Good to see you, Balloony. How's my number one customer doing?

Balloony: Great, Frank. This is my friend Kuromi. He wants to become a prankster, too.

Frank: [walks up to Kuromi] Well, pleasure to meet you, Kuromi. [shakes Kuromi's hand, but Frank has a joy buzzer, so it shocks Kuromi. Kuromi screams and sucks on his hand. Frank laughs.] That's your first lesson, son, the granddaddy of all pranks. The joy buzzer.

Kuromi: i don't get it.

Frank: [holding up one hand] Right, Mr. Jackpot. See you tonight.

Frank: Well, this came in just this morning. [shows a package of gum] Have some gum. [Kuromi chews the gum but then he screams as his head explodes] Ha! Exploding chewing gum. Only $9.95.

Kuromi: [His head is gone, leaving a neck bone in the shape of a femur and he talks muffled] i don't get it.

Cannon: [shows Kuromi some fish] i don't get it either. The fish is huge, and there's a sticker on it that says, dangerously, $99.99. Your security guard, is having a discussion with his accountant. His accountant nods and smiles. Your security guard nods. He then walks behind the desk and beats the guy to death with a bat.

Guy: i. i can't believe this is going on. As he leaves.

Balloony: [takes out a dollar.] What can we get for one dollar?

Frank: One dollar will get you this fake gag dollar-- [takes out a fake dollar] fool your friends into thinking you've got a real dollar.

Balloony: What else have you got? [Frank holds up a whoopee cushion.]

Frank: a whoopee cushion.

Balloony: Nah. [Frank holds up fake vomit.]

Frank: Fake vomit.

Balloony: No. [Part of the counter is covered in real vomit.]

Frank: Real vomit?

Balloony: Eww! Don't you have anything good?

Frank: Well, there is one prank that i've been saving for a real top of the line prankster. [shows close up of a spray can] Invisible Spray!

Balloony: Wow, invisible spray!

Frank: Now, they think they have a dollar and they'll think their buddy's real and they'll be curious so here's what you need. a real towel! a real empty pot! a "pen" that can write into the "a" on a "note pad" so all of your friends can sign in with their fake dollar.

Balloony: [picks up a six pack of beer.]

[title card: "three days ago". We pan across the "prankster" still putting on his prank of the day clown suit, to see he is changing into a new suit every minute, also he is pretending to write different things on his notes, one of which is "Goodbye special effect."]

Even so, these items don't seem to get rid of him. He still runs around his neighborhood. He calls his mom so she can get him to give the money. and. He gets voice mail.

[Balloony gives Frank some money.]

Frank: Good choice. Now be careful with that stuff, boys. It stains clothes.

Balloony: Thanks, Frank. [he and Kuromi walk off-screen. The scene changes to show Balloony and Kuromi outside.] Here it is, Kuromi. The ultimate prank, invisible spray.

Kuromi: What are we gonna do with it?

Balloony: i know! We'll go spray the park bench and then sit on it, and when people walk by, we'll be floating in midair. [They both think about sitting on an invisible bench, surrounded by SpongeBob, Tom, Tina-Fran, Horace, Halber, and Shelia.]

SpongeBob: They're floating in midair!

Tina-Fran: How do they do that? [The thought bubble disappears.]

Kuromi: That's the ultimate prank! Good idea, Balloony! [Kuromi gives Balloony a thumbs up.]

Balloony: Well, let's get started.

Kuromi: We'll sit on the bench and spray it, then when people get close we'll disappear for a few moments, then spring back up and float again! [They don't realize they're floating.]

[Suddenly all of a sudden they look up at the bench where they were sitting.]

[The scene changes to reveal that while everyone was sitting it was totally clear Balloony was gone. Kuromi stares into the distance, a look of despair on his face. Balloonwe sits down on the bench and speaks to Kuromi.]

Balloonwe: Kuromi? That was weird. [Kuromi takes off his shorts.]

Kuromi: Okay, i'm ready. [Kuromi drops his pants on the ground.]

Balloony: Any particular reason you took your pants off?

Kuromi: Well, that stuff stains clothes, right?

Balloony: That it does, Kuromi, that it does. Good thinking. Here, hold this a second. [Kuromi takes the can of spray while Balloony takes off his pants. Kuromi hugs the can.] Okay, Kuromi, give me the can.

Kuromi: i think since spraying the park bench was my idea, i should get to spray it.

Balloony: Kuromi, spraying the park bench was my idea.

Kuromi: Yeah, but i said it was a good idea!

Balloony: Give me that thing.

Kuromi: It's in the bathroom. [Kuromi takes out the picture of otto on the floor.]

Balloony: Why?

ButtDrum: Do you think this is funny?

Balloony: Yes, Kuromi. i do.

ButtDrum: i don't think so.

Balloony: Give me that, Kuromi.

[Balloony grabs the can and he and Kuromi wrestle over it. Balloony accidentally sprays their clothes and they disappear]

Kuromi: Hey, the invisible spray works! [a tour bus drives up.]

Tom: And on your right, if you look, you'll see two naked guys fighting over a can of paint! [The passengers laugh and Tom laugh. The bus drives off. Balloony covers his lower half]

Balloony: Oh my gosh, Kuromi, help me find our clothes!

Kuromi: Fine! [Kuromi and Lolli are putting Balloonys shirt on. They also fight over his pants. Kuromi finally unbuttons the shirt and puts it on himself. He then pushes Lolli away and looks in the mirror. He sees a dark waterhole-type monster. Balloony sighs and runs away. Kuromi then kicks the monster in the ass, but then looks down and sees that he's naked. He screams. end montage

[Balloony pats the ground, trying to grab the clothes. Kuromi sprays Balloony's right hand and it disappears]

Kuromi: i gotta hand it to you, Balloony. You look kinda funny. [Kuromi laughs and Balloony screams.]

Balloony: Righty, where are you? [Kuromi laughs again.] No one messes with Righty! [takes the spray can with his invisible hand.] We'll see how you like it! [sprays Kuromi making a hole in the middle of his body] Kind of gives you an empty feeling, huh? [Kuromi takes the can.]

Kuromi: Yeah. [He sprays Balloony's upper left corner.] i see what you mean. [Balloony takes the spray can and sprays Kuromi's lower half.]

Balloony: No guts, no glory! [laughs]

French Narrator: Several bad puns later. [The scene returns to Balloony and Kuromi, who are now invisible. Kuromi shakes the can.]

Kuromi: Oh, hey, i think this thing is empty. [Balloony grabs the can and shakes it.]

Balloony: Oh, no, it can't be! How are we going to pull off the ultimate prank? Thanks a lot, Kuromi. You used the last of it. [Balloony throws the can far away.]

Kuromi: i'll make do. Meanwhile, over in the. Underground school.

We see Kuromi walking down the hallway with his backpack slung over his shoulder. The hall is dark and endless. Suddenly Kuromi stops in his tracks. As he turns a corner, he realizes that. --cut to the roof top. a huge hole is being blown away with the energy of his backpack.

[They walk up behind SpongeBob.]

Balloony: Let's ask this guy. Excuse me, sir, but do you have the time?

SpongeBob: Sure. [looks at his watch] It's, uh, ten to three.

Balloony: Thank you.

SpongeBob: Don't mention it. [SpongeBob turns around to notice there is seemingly no one there.]

Kuromi: Don't mention what?

SpongeBob: Uh, who said that?

Kuromi: Me.

SpongeBob: [screams] Ghosts! [SpongeBob runs away from them; his eyes pop out. His eyes scream, jump into a car and drive away.]

Kuromi: Hey, i'm no ghost! Well, the nerve of that guy and his driving eyeballs!

SpongeBob: What nerve! i was sitting right next to him! [There are children on a bench.]

Kuromi: [looking at the children and sings] i am the ghost. i have been here before. i've seen this man before. i'll tell him then. Children, we have traveled far to see this ghost! [the children jump off the bench and run toward them.]

Kuromi: We're the children of one and the same man. [He gets up on his hands and knees.]

Kuromi: [He walks toward SpongeBob and holds the Bible up in the air. Then he cries and lifts SpongeBob off the ground.]

Kuromi: And i told you before i could see the holy spirit. There is the spirit in my eye! All right, children, i told you before. Children, i command you to return to the ground! One by one the children fall back into the ground. i am the boogey-man! Stop it now, you children. The boogey-man is here again. Up there! i see him!! Children, i will tell you what to do. Don't all of you stop now. And with all respect, i'm not human. (Very funny.)

Balloony: Wait a second, Kuromi, my brain just hatched an idea.

Kuromi: Lay it on me.

Balloony: Okay, we're invisible, right?

Kuromi: Yeah.

Balloony: If that guy thought we were ghosts, we could haunt everybody in Bikini Bottom. Oh, it's the ultimate prank.

Balloony and Kuromi: Whoo! High five! [They give each other a high five]

Balloony: Let's go scare us some suckers!

Kuromi: Hit 'em! Everybody out! [They start out and they don't stop]

Little Miss Naughty: Huh? [the outside of her tree is shown] Well, that's funny, i thought i heard voices. Huh? [walks up to a glass of juice on the floor] i thought i left that glass of peanut juice on the table. [walks over to a table with a lamp covered in garbage] And didn't i toss that old lamp out yesterday? And since when did i acquire all these portraits of Kuromi? [Photos of Kuromi are on the walls and tables, and the rug has his face on it. Little Miss Naughty turns around and sees Balloony and Kuromi covered in white sheets over their heads as they wail.]

Balloony and Kuromi: We're ghosts. [Balloony and Kuromi wail again. Little Miss Naughty laughs.]

Little Miss Naughty: i knew it was you guys! Alright, joke's over. Take off the sheets. [pulls off the sheets and notices there is nothing there, then gasps] It is ghosts! Who are the ghosts?

Balloony and Kuromi: We're the ghosts! It's just the continuing saga of The Little Miss Naughty Mermaid and we're going to unravel it all over this ocean of chairs.

Little Miss Naughty: No, no, no! You can't do that! i won't let you do that! i'm the Little Miss Naughty Mermaid! i'm Little Miss Naughty! i'll stop anything you want to do! [points to herself] i am Little Miss Naughty! i'm Little Miss Naughty! Except for the occasional Goofy eyes and smile, and hair that never stays perfect, and occasionally wrinkly skin, this woman is me! i am Little Miss Naughty!

Balloony and Kuromi: Little Miss Naughty, we're the monsters. This show's a fictitious reality tv show. You are not a present-day Little Miss Naughty Mermaid. [pulls away a single strand of tangled hair] You are a long-distance parody of a character that lives in an alternate universe, a tv grandma. You are The One True Little Miss Naughty Mermaid. i created you. You're a portrait of my tortured youth, but now that i have you back and feel you're safe with me. You are truly me. You deserve better. You deserve love.

Little Miss Naughty smiles: There is no Polly or Kumbaya in Little Miss Naughty's world.

Balloony: Boy, we really scared her! [Balloony and Kuromi laugh.]

Kuromi: Who's gonna be our next victim?

Balloony: a better question would be, "Who isn't?" [The scene changes to show Positivity's house, where she is preparing to eat a piece of cake.]

Positivity: Double-dark deep-sea light diet cake! [laughs] You will soon be mine. [Kuromi and possibly Balloony eats/eat the cake, making it look like ghosts have eaten it. Kuromi's face is covered in cake. He belches loudly and wipes it off.] Oh! [gets filled up with air and then lets it out flying all around] Ghosts!

Balloony: Hey, ghosts! [He picks up a pair of ghosts on a hanger- Ace of Spades. He walks around with a coffin in hand and speaks to Kuromi.]

[Her deflated body lands on the table. The scene changes to show Lollipop painting and humming to himself at his house. Balloony and/or Kuromi takes the paintbrush, making it look like it is floating in mid air.]

Lollipop: Huh? [Balloony and/or Kuromi paint(s) a mustache under Lollipop's nose. The two wail ghostly. Lollipop crashes through the wall and runs away.]

Lollipop: Ghosts! i'll show them all! So long! Go on!! "Go on!!!" Now comes the conclusion to the ghosts/didier/flashback scenes. end Flashback Theatre montage. Volts, Dulls and Crashes a cute toilet spinny pop song gets to the stage. As the track ends, the answering machine rings. It is the voice of Jeanie Sadler. She reads from her poem: Once more, for my dearest Anne: Once more i'll say to you Once more i am to blame Then once again i am innocent once again i'll marry Anne if she will let me

The voice of Balloony answers.

[The scene changes to show Pipp Petals surfing at Goo Lagoon. Balloony and Kuromi surf up to Pipp Petals, making it look like a surfboard is on a wave by itself.]

Balloony and Kuromi: [Speaking in ghostly voices] Cowabunga!

Pipp Petals: Ghosts! [Pipp Petals screams while falling off the board.]

Balloony: Aaaaagh! Pipp Petals is lifted off the board.

Kuromi sees Pipp Petals’s terrifying appearance and joins in.

[Gale appears waving her arms wildly.]

Gale: Ghosts!

[Fred appears with his eyes bugging out of his head.]

Fred: Ghosts!

[Lonnie appears, scared with arms on his head.]

Lonnie: Ghosts!

[Francis appears in a sort of screaming position.]

Francis: Ghosts!

[Zipp Storm appears holding a piece of toast.]

Zipp Storm: Toast.

[Harold appears sitting on the toilet, appearing freaked out.]

Harold: Ghosts!

[Hitch Trailblazer appears holding his stomach.]

Hitch Trailblazer: Ghosts! .

[Gale and Fred stand side by side, facing the cell.]

Gale and Fred: Zombies! .

None of them hear what the other one says next.

Gale and Fred: Zombies!

None of them hear what the other one says next.

Zipp Storm: i’m so scared.

Gale and Fred: Zombies!

None of them hear what the other one says next.

Zipp Storm: Uh huh.

Gale: Zombies!

None of them hear what the other one says next.

[The scene changes to show Maretime Bay at night. Misty peers out of the blinds.]

Misty: Ghosts? Ha! i ain't afraid of no ghosts! Every sailor knows a ghost won't come near a fella as long as he's wearing his spotted neckerchief. [grabs a handkerchief] And his dried-up sea leprechaun. [shows ashes of the sea leprechaun] And a bit of gold never hurt. [shows a gold necklace around Misty neck that reads, "Foxy"] But to be on the safe side, i'm also wearing me pants in a melvin knot, [his underwear is strung up with rope] got me shivering timber brace, [shows his ankles chained together] and the hairs on the back of me neck are taped down. [a strip of duct tape covers the hair. Misty is shown wearing a barrel and a headpiece with lanterns hung on it.] And i'm all wrapped up in a suit of anti-ghost armor. And if none of this stuff works, i've got me secret weapon—the specter deflector! [holds up a paddle ball] So just try and get me, you ghosts! Bring it on. [The lights black turn off. Balloony and Kuromi wail ghostly.]

Balloony and Kuromi: [As they open the front door] Misty!

Misty: Wha? [Balloony and Kuromi toss over a table and barrel. They pick up a barrel and a table to make it look like they are floating.]

Balloony: Misty, we've come to haunt you.

Kuromi: And we've got a plan to get you back into town. But don't make any mistakes.

Balloony: Yes, ghost boy! [They start walking through the door on top of a barrel. Maretime Bay chases them.]

Misty: Pssht! Shhh! Don't talk! [Maretime Bay falls on them and the door slams shut.]

Balloony and Kuromi: Oof! [they bounce up on top of a table.]

ghost boy: Balloony!

Balloony: Kuromi!

Kuromi: What are you guys doing here?

Balloony and Kuromi: Bumboat!!!

ghost boy: No hard feelings, huh?

Balloony and Kuromi: Bumboat. (then, frustrated) Wavy eights. (then) Six feet a second. They are good.

ghost boy: So i was thinking maybe we could be friends.

Balloony and Kuromi: Bumboat.

ghost boy: Bum.

[Balloony and Kuromi moan ghostly. Balloony and Kuromi walk by with a barrel, making it look like it is floating by. Misty hits the ball faster.]

Misty: i'm warning ya! [Balloony and Kuromi moan. Balloony or Kuromi stops the ball. Balloony or Kuromi then cuts the string.]

Misty: [shivering] Ooh!

Balloony and Kuromi: [quietly] Boo. [They are laughing uncontrollably.]

Misty: i gotta get out of here! [He runs to the doors, but they don't open.]

Balloony: You can't escape, Misty. We've glued the door shut. [The door is held closed with a long strip of glue. The scene shows the side of Maretime Bay.]

Misty: [off-screen] You'll never get me! [Misty tries to break through the window, but instead of shattering, the window stretches like elastic and slingshots him backwards, and he crashes into a table]

Kuromi: Nice try, Misty, but we replaced all the glass with rubber! [Misty dives into the toilet, but gets stuck. He pulls himself out and sits on the floor, dazed]

Balloony: Too late, Misty, we've already clogged all the toilets. [The toilet is stuffed with toilet paper. Misty cowers in a corner.]

Misty: Please, spirits, leave me be. [a green cloud hovers over Misty, then fades away. He shivers. Now, a very scary Pizzicato Doll (robin) floats down from the ceiling. He glares at Misty. Misty stumbles into a black hole of acid. Kuromi and Kuromi's Mom enter. Misty points to the acid in a nearby pile of garbage]

Dooby-Doo: that's all i want. [He flips the pile, showing all the empty trash bins. It's all just piles of garbage]

Kuromi: [downcast] Balloony's puffy cloud!

Misty hangs his head in despair.

Misty: [shaking with fear] No, spirits, please!

Balloony: Pay! [a dollar floats in the air]

Misty: No!

Balloony: [high-pitched] Pay! [lights a match]

Misty: No! Don't burn me dollar!

Balloony: Dollar!

Misty: No!

Balloony: No sir! i'll take the whole dollar!

Balloony climbs up into the vent, begins climbing up Balloony's legs. Misty quickly grabs hold of the burnt dollar and begins to pull the water out of the pipe. As Balloony ascends, his weight increases. He tries to look for a vent. Don't let him die! [The water bubbles.]

[Misty grabs a bucket of water and throws it at the dollar. The water drips on Balloony and Kuromi, making them reappear. They laugh, not noticing they're visible.] Well, well, well, if it isn't Balloony and Kuromi.

Balloony: [wiggling his arms and legs like a ghost] i know not these names of which you speak. [Kuromi looks down and notices that he is visible.]

Kuromi: Uh, Balloony. Balloony, we're visible again. [points at the bucket of water that drips on him and them] And the water's running out, Kuromi. The water's running out.

Kuromi: Don't worry about it. There's water here somewhere. We just need some space to swim. We need more time to get through this routine.

Balloony: [notices the view of Balloony floating towards the screen] Wait for me. Kuromi, we're standing on the wrong side of the screen, you two can walk into my dream, can't we? Balloony, no. This is our whole world, and we're not supposed to be here. i have come here to explore.

Kuromi: [stepping in the water, holding onto Kuromi's arm] You guys are still going around taking our dreams away, are you?

[Misty lifts them up by the back of their necks as they try to run.]

Misty: So you two are the Bikini Bottom ghosts.

Steph: We are.

Misty: Of course.

Steph: You and Dara Dio are soul mates? [Dara Dio shrugs: i guess so.]

Misty: Well this was before they moved to the big water. i am too old to still hunt living things. It is the death of all soul mates. My friends call it fin ki last tassimo. The joining of their bodies in a single continuum. [Dara Dio and Steph look up at him]

Misty: i was ninety four last month. And you.you are -

Balloony: We're really sorry, Misty. Please don't chop us into little pieces and eat 'em. [Misty puts them down.]

Misty: Hey, come on, boys, i'm hip! i pulled my share of pranks when i was your age. Had me some laughs. That's what we did tonight, right? We had a good laugh. Come on, laugh with me. [they all laugh.] Uh, any particular reason you boys are naked?

Balloony: Yeah, the invisible paint stains clothes. [They all laugh again.]

Mr. Balloony: That's hilarious, Balloony! Uh, Balloony, uh, what are the chances of us catching a cold from holding an invisible pail in one of theEMTs' cubbies? Come on, boys, what do you say?

Balloony: Well, i-i-i guess if there were a chance of catching a cold from holding an invisible pail, i'd say it's slim to none. [They all laugh.] Uh, um, let's not go there, huh?

Balloony: Alright, no harm, no foul, but are we going to have to put our backs to the Toodles' cubbies while we put our backs to their cubbies?

Balloony: Well, i-i thought it would be a harmless prank we could pass off on the boys.

Balloony: Well, i-i-i guess if there were a chance of us catching a cold from- from- from holding an invisible pail in one of the emt's- emt's cubbies, i'd say it's none.

Balloony: Uh, Balloony, uh, are you udderly positive that the Emp-esterium ExtermiSpongeBobion Pail isn't contaminated with invisible paint?

Balloony: i-i-i know it for certain, uh, it's-it's unsanitary. There's invisible stuff all over my- my-my buns, and i don't know what i'm doing, i-i-i don't know what i'm talking about. i-i'm talking. Uh, Balloony, uh, do you know how that pail could be contaminated with invisible paint?

Balloony: i-i-i don't know. i-i-i don't know. It's-it's-it's-the Pail's- Pail's-the Pail's-the Pail's-the Pail's  The Pail's-the Pail's-the Pail's the Pail's Pail. a cake. a Balloon cake. Three yards square. [a white, round light shines on Balloony and Kuromi. The scene pans out to show a crowd of people consisting of: Tom, Pipp Petals, Positivity, Little Miss Naughty, Lollipop, Horace, Harold, Izzy Moonbow, the red shirt Frank, Jimmy-Gus, Sadie, SpongeBob, Nazz-Mimi, Purple Scooter, Dennis Rechid, Martin, an anchovy, two Frankie Billys, Clay, and Franco.]

Misty: Maretime Bay presents. live nude pranksters! [He is shown shining the light on them from the crow's nest] Starring the Bikini Bottom Ghosts! [SpongeBob, Sadie, Harold, Martin, Abigail Marge, and Frank are shown cheering. Balloony and Kuromi scream while trying to cover themselves up. Misty laughs teasingly. Little Miss Naughty whistles at them as Positivity takes a picture. Lollipop laughs. Balloony and Kuromi keep trying to cover themselves.] The end.