The Spooky 7 Virtues/Transcript

Aliens:

 * Dory: I knew it was aliens! Who are the aliens?
 * Charity and Patient: We're the aliens! It's just the continuing saga of Dory Preston and we're going to unravel it all over this ocean of chairs.
 * Dory: No, no, no! You can't do that! I won't let you do that! I'm Dory Preston! I'm Dory! I'll stop anything you want to do! [points to herself] I am Dory! I'm Dory! Except for the occasional Goofy eyes and smile, and hair that never stays perfect, and occasionally wrinkly skin, this woman is me! I am Dory!
 * Charity and Patient: Dory, we're the monsters. This show's a fictitious reality TV show. You are not a present-day Dory Preston. [pulls away a single strand of tangled hair] You are a long-distance parody of a character that lives in an alternate universe, a TV grandma. You are The One True Dory Preston. I created you. You're a portrait of my tortured youth, but now that I have you back and feel you're safe with me. You are truly me. You deserve better. You deserve love.
 * Dory smiles: There is no Polly or Kumbaya in Dory's world.
 * Charity: Boy, we really scared her! [Charity and Patient laugh.]
 * Patient: Who's gonna be our next victim?
 * Charity: A better question would be, "Who isn't?" [The scene changes to show John's house, where she is preparing to eat a piece of cake.]
 * John: Double-dark deep-sea light diet cake! [laughs] You will soon be mine. [Patient and possibly Charity eats/eat the cake, making it look like aliens have eaten it. Patient's face is covered in cake. He belches loudly and wipes it off.] Oh! [gets filled up with air and then lets it out flying all around] Aliens!
 * Charity: Hey, aliens! [He picks up a pair of aliens on a hanger- Ace of Spades. He walks around with a coffin in hand and speaks to Patient.]
 * [Her deflated body lands on the table. The scene changes to show Tevin painting and humming to himself at his house. Charity and/or Patient takes the paintbrush, making it look like it is floating in mid air.]
 * Tevin: Huh? [Charity and/or Patient paint(s) a mustache under Tevin's nose. The two speak alien. Tevin crashes through the wall and runs away.]
 * Tevin: Aliens! I'll show them all! So long! Go on!! "Go on!!!" Now comes the conclusion to the aliens/didier/flashback scenes. end Flashback Theatre montage. Volts, Dulls and Crashes a cute toilet spinny pop song gets to the stage. As the track ends, the answering machine rings. It is the voice of Jeanie Sadler. She reads from her poem: Once more, for my dearest Anne: Once more I'll say to you Once more I am to blame Then once again I am innocent once again I'll marry Anne if she will let me
 * [The voice of Charity answers. The scene changes to show Cathy surfing at Goo Lagoon. Charity and Patient surf up to Cathy, making it look like a surfboard is on a wave by itself.]
 * Charity and Patient: [Speaking in alien voices] Cowabunga!
 * Cathy: Aliens! [Cathy screams while falling off the board.]
 * Charity: Aaaaagh! Cathy is lifted off the board.
 * [Patient sees Cathy's terrifying appearance and joins in. Sanity appears waving her arms wildly.]
 * Sanity: Aliens!
 * [Remedy appears with his eyes bugging out of his head.]
 * Remedy: Aliens!
 * [Shy appears, scared with arms on his head.]
 * Shy: Aliens!
 * [Happy appears in a sort of screaming position.]
 * Happy: Aliens!
 * [Positivity appears holding a television.]
 * Positivity: Television.
 * [Integrity appears sitting on the toilet, appearing freaked out.]
 * Integrity: Aliens!
 * [Perseverance appears holding his stomach.]
 * Perseverance: Aliens!
 * [Sanity and Remedy stand side by side, facing the cell.]
 * Sanity and Remedy: Aliens!
 * [None of them hear what the other one says next]
 * Sanity and Remedy: Aliens!
 * [None of them hear what the other one says next]
 * Positivity: I'm so scared.
 * Sanity and Remedy: Aliens!
 * [None of them hear what the other one says next]
 * Positivity: Uh huh.
 * Sanity: Aliens!
 * [None of them hear what the other one says next]