Balloons-A-Lot


 * [Balloony and Flower walk up to the Palace of Pranks.]
 * Balloony: Well, Flower, here it is, the Palace of Pranks, the greatest novelty shop in Bikini Bottom. All the greatest pranksters shop here. This is where I got my gag... [the scene shows a close up of the can of Seanut Brittle.] seanut brittle can.
 * Flower: Oh, boy, Seanut Brittle. Gimmie!
 * [Flower tries to open the can.]
 * Balloony: Flower, wait, it's a booby trap, remember?
 * Flower: Nice try, SquarePants, but it's not gonna work this time. I'm gonna have some of your delicious Seanut Brittle! [opens the can and purple tubes pop out of the can] Where's the Seanut Brittle?
 * Balloony: [laughs] That gets funnier every time you say it, Flower. Come on, let's go inside.
 * [Balloony walks off screen.]
 * Flower: [starting to cry] Seanut Brittle?
 * [Balloony enters the Palace of Pranks and smells the air.]
 * Balloony: Ah! [Flower enters the scene] Nothing compares to the smell of cheap plastic novelty items. [an aisle is shown] Pranks, gags, and gross-out toys as far as the eye can see! [walks down an aisle] Isn't it everything I said it would be, Flower?
 * Flower: [in another aisle] Hey, Seanut Brittle! [purple tubes appear popping above the aisle that Flower is in] Oh, darn it, not again!
 * [The scene only shows Balloony in his aisle. Balloony laughs. An old fish named Frank enters the scene.]
 * Frank: Good to see you, Balloony. How's my number one customer doing?
 * Balloony: Great, Frank. This is my friend Flower. He wants to become a prankster, too.
 * Frank: [walks up to Flower] Well, pleasure to meet you, Flower. [shakes Flower's hand, but Frank has a joy buzzer, so it shocks Flower. Flower screams and sucks on his hand. Frank laughs.] That's your first lesson, son, the granddaddy of all pranks. The joy buzzer.
 * Flower: I don't get it.
 * Frank: You don't have to get it. The prank is for the enjoyment of the prankster.
 * Balloony: You see, Flower, Frank here is the master. I learned all I know about pranks from him. [he and Flower walk to the checkout counter and Frank is behind it.] Okay, Frank, let's see what you've got.
 * Frank: Well, this came in just this morning. [shows a package of gum] Have some gum. [Flower chews the gum but then he screams as his head explodes] Ha! Exploding chewing gum. Only $9.95.
 * Flower: [His head is gone, leaving a neck bone in the shape of a femur and he talks muffled] I don't get it.
 * Balloony: [takes out a dollar.] What can we get for one dollar?
 * Frank: One dollar will get you this fake gag dollar-- [takes out a fake dollar] fool your friends into thinking you've got a real dollar.
 * Balloony: What else have you got?
 * [Frank holds up a whoopee cushion.]
 * Frank: A whoopee cushion.
 * Balloony: Nah.
 * [Frank holds up fake vomit.]
 * Frank: Fake vomit.
 * Balloony: No.
 * [Part of the counter is covered in real vomit.]
 * Frank: Real vomit?
 * Balloony: Eww! Don't you have anything good?
 * Frank: Well, there is one prank that I've been saving for a real top of the line prankster. [shows close up of a spray can] Invisible Spray!
 * Balloony: Wow, invisible spray!
 * Flower: But I can see it.
 * Balloony: Gee, Flower, just think of the pranks we could pull with this.
 * [Balloony gives Frank some money.]
 * Frank: Good choice. Now be careful with that stuff, boys. It stains clothes.
 * Balloony: Thanks, Frank. [he and Flower walk off-screen. The scene changes to show Balloony and Flower outside.] Here it is, Flower. The ultimate prank-- invisible spray.
 * Flower: What are we gonna do with it?
 * Balloony: I know! We'll go spray the park bench and then sit on it, and when people walk by, we'll be floating in midair.
 * [They both think about sitting on an invisible bench, surrounded by Ding Dong, Tom, Tina-Fran, Horace, Halber, Nat, Sadie, Harold, Martin, Abigail Marge, and Frank.]
 * Ding Dong: They're floating in midair!
 * Tina-Fran: How do they do that?
 * [The thought bubble disappears.]
 * Flower: That's the ultimate prank! Good idea, Balloony!
 * [Flower gives Balloony a thumbs up.]
 * Balloony: Well, let's get started.
 * [Flower takes off his shorts.]
 * Flower: Okay, I'm ready.
 * [Flower drops his pants on the ground.]
 * Balloony: Any particular reason you took your pants off?
 * Flower: Well, that stuff stains clothes, right?
 * Balloony: That it does, Flower, that it does. Good thinking. Here, hold this a second. [Flower takes the can of spray while Balloony takes off his pants. Flower hugs the can.] Okay, Flower, give me the can.
 * Flower: I think since spraying the park bench was my idea, I should get to spray it.
 * Balloony: Flower, spraying the park bench was my idea.
 * Flower: Yeah, but I said it was a good idea!
 * Balloony: Give me that thing.
 * [Balloony grabs the can and he and Flower wrestle over it. Balloony accidentally sprays their clothes and they disappear]
 * Flower: Hey, the invisible spray works!
 * [A tour bus drives up.]
 * Tom: And on your right, if you look, you'll see two naked guys fighting over a can of paint!
 * [The passengers laugh and Tom laugh. The bus drives off. Balloony covers his lower half]
 * Balloony: Oh my gosh, Flower, help me find our clothes!
 * [Balloony pats the ground, trying to grab the clothes. Flower sprays Balloony's right hand and it disappears]
 * Flower: I gotta hand it to you, Balloony. You look kinda funny.
 * [Flower laughs and Balloony screams.]
 * Balloony: Righty, where are you? [Flower laughs again.] No one messes with Righty! [takes the spray can with his invisible hand.] We'll see how you like it! [sprays Flower making a hole in the middle of his body] Kind of gives you an empty feeling, huh?
 * [Flower takes the can.]
 * Flower: Yeah. [He sprays Balloony's upper left corner.] I see what you mean.
 * [Balloony takes the spray can and sprays Flower's lower half.]
 * Balloony: No guts, no glory! [laughs]
 * French Narrator: Several bad puns later...
 * [The scene returns to Balloony and Flower, who are now invisible. Flower shakes the can.]
 * Flower: Oh, hey, I think this thing is empty.
 * [Balloony grabs the can and shakes it.]
 * Balloony: Oh, no, it can't be! How are we going to pull off the ultimate prank? Thanks a lot, Flower. You used the last of it.
 * [Balloony throws the can far away.]
 * Flower: Hey, I think I found our pants. [a ripping noise is heard] Oops! Here, these are yours.
 * Balloony: Oh, forget the pants, Flower. Let's get home and wash this paint off.
 * [Balloony and Flower walk off somewhere.]
 * Flower: Hey, Balloony, do you know what time it is?
 * Balloony: Oh sure, it's... half past invisible.
 * Flower: Gee, it's getting late.
 * [They walk up behind Ding Dong.]
 * Balloony: Let's ask this guy. Excuse me, sir, but do you have the time?
 * Ding Dong: Sure. [looks at his watch] It's, uh, ten to three.
 * Balloony: Thank you.
 * Ding Dong: Don't mention it.
 * [Ding Dong turns around to notice there is seemingly no one there.]
 * Flower: Don't mention what?
 * Ding Dong: Uh, who said that?
 * Flower: Me.
 * Ding Dong: [screams] Ghosts!
 * [Ding Dong runs away from them; his eyes pop out. His eyes scream, jump into a car and drive away.]
 * Flower: Hey, I'm no ghost! Well, the nerve of that guy and his driving eyeballs!
 * Balloony: Wait a second, Flower, my brain just hatched an idea.
 * Flower: Lay it on me.
 * Balloony: Okay, we're invisible, right?
 * Flower: Yeah.
 * Balloony: If that guy thought we were ghosts, we could haunt everybody in Bikini Bottom. Oh, it's the ultimate prank.
 * Balloony and Flower: Whoo! High five!
 * [They give each other a high five]
 * Balloony: Let's go scare some suckers!
 * [The scene changes to show Book's treedome. The scene then shows her reading a book in a rocking chair in her tree. She hears a noise, which is Balloony and Flower's laughter. She checks to see what it is, but there is supposedly nothing there. She gets up and goes to her window.]
 * Book: Huh? [the outside of her tree is shown] Well, that's funny, I thought I heard voices. Huh? [walks up to a glass of juice on the floor] I thought I left that glass of peanut juice on the table. [walks over to a table with a lamp covered in garbage] And didn't I toss that old lamp out yesterday? And since when did I acquire all these portraits of Flower?
 * [Photos of Flower are on the walls and tables, and the rug has his face on it. Book turns around and sees Balloony and Flower covered in white sheets over their heads as they wail.]
 * Balloony and Flower: We're ghosts.
 * [Balloony and Flower wail again. Book laughs.]
 * Book: I knew it was you guys! Alright, the joke's over. Take off the sheets. [pulls off the sheets and notices there is nothing there, then gasps] It is ghosts!
 * [Book screams. She takes out a remote with a large red button. She pressed the button and an escape pod that is in the shape of an acorn appears out of some panels. She enters the escape pod and presses a button. The escape pod flies out of her dome, above the water, past the Bikini Bottom island, and lands in Texas. The escape pod explodes in Texas. Balloony and Flower leave Book's house, laughing.]
 * Balloony: Boy, we really scared her!
 * [Balloony and Flower laugh.]
 * Flower: Who's gonna be our next victim?
 * Balloony: A better question would be, "Who isn't?"
 * [The scene changes to show Miss. Bowman's house, where she is preparing to eat a piece of cake.]
 * Miss. Bowman: Double-dark deep-sea light diet cake! [laughs] You will soon be mine. [Flower and possibly Balloony eats/eat the cake, making it look like ghosts have eaten it. Flower's face is covered in cake. He belches loudly and wipes it off.] Oh! [gets filled up with air and then lets it out flying all around] Ghosts!
 * [Her deflated body lands on the table. The scene changes to show Coiny painting and humming to himself at his house. Balloony and/or Flower takes the paintbrush, making it look like it is floating in mid air.]
 * Coiny: Huh?
 * [Balloony and/or Flower paint(s) a mustache under Coiny's nose. The two wail ghostly. Coiny crashes through the wall and runs away.]
 * Coiny: Ghosts!
 * [The scene changes to show Melissa Sue surfing at Goo Lagoon. Balloony and Flower surf up to Melissa Sue, making it look like a surfboard is on a wave by itself.]
 * Balloony and Flower: [Speaking in ghostly voices] Cowabunga!
 * Melissa Sue: Ghosts!
 * [Melissa Sue screams while falling off the board.]
 * [Grass appears waving her arms wildly.]
 * Grass: Ghosts!
 * [SpongeBob appears with his eyes bugging out of his head.]
 * SpongeBob: Ghosts!
 * [Wambalance appears, scared with arms on his head.]
 * Wambalance: Ghosts!
 * [WAHWAAHWAH!!! appears in a sort of screaming position.]
 * WAHWAAHWAH!!!: Ghosts!
 * [Tom, Bill, Mrs. Puff, Sandy, Squidward, Horace, Harold, Nathiel Waters, the red shirt Frank, Jimmy-Gus, Sadie, Nat, Nazz-Mimi, Purple Scooter, Dennis Rechid, Martin, an anchovy, two Frankie Billys, Clay, and Franco appear holding a piece of toast.]
 * Tom, Bill, Mrs. Puff, Sandy, Squidward, Horace, Harold, Nathiel Waters, the red shirt Frank, Jimmy-Gus, Sadie, Nat, Nazz-Mimi, Purple Scooter, Dennis Rechid, Martin, an anchovy, two Frankie Billys, Clay, and Franco: Toast.
 * [Sudi my guy appears sitting on the toilet, appearing freaked out.]
 * Sudi my guy: Ghosts!
 * [Balloony and Flower are reading newspapers. Balloony laughs.]
 * Balloony: It's official: we're the greatest pranksters ever. The whole town thinks we're ghosts.
 * [Flower is holding his newspaper upside down]
 * Flower: Yeah.
 * Balloony: There's only one guy left to scare, and we'll have pranked everybody in Bikini Bottom-- [An article is shown it reads, "Pirie Last To Be Haunted! says, 'I ain't afraid of no ghosts'"] Mr. Pirie.
 * [The same article is shown on Flower's paper, but it is upside down.]
 * Flower: It says he isn't scared of ghosts.
 * [Balloony is "shown"]
 * Balloony: We'll see about that!
 * [The scene changes to show the Krusty Krab at night. Mr. Pirie peers out of the blinds.]
 * Mr. Pirie: Ghosts? Ha! I ain't afraid of no ghosts! Every sailor knows a ghost won't come near a fella as long as he's wearing his spotted neckerchief... [grabs a handkerchief] And his dried-up sea leprechaun. [shows ashes of the sea leprechaun] And a bit of gold never hurt. [shows a gold necklace around Mr. Pirie neck that reads, "Foxy"] But to be on the safe side, I'm also wearing me pants in a melvin knot, [his underwear is strung up with rope] got me shivering timber brace, [shows his ankles chained together] and the hairs on the back of me neck are taped down. [a strip of duct tape covers the hair. Mr. Pirie is shown wearing a barrel and a headpiece with lanterns hung on it.] And I'm all wrapped up in a suit of anti-ghost armor. And if none of this stuff works, I've got me secret weapon—the specter deflector! [holds up a paddle ball] So just try and get me, you ghosts! Bring it on.
 * [The lights black turn off. Balloony and Flower wail ghostly.]
 * Balloony and Flower: [As they open the front door] Pirie!
 * Mr. Pirie: Wha?
 * [Balloony and Flower toss over a table and barrel. They pick up a barrel and a table to make it look like they are floating.]
 * Balloony: Pirie, we've come to haunt you.
 * [Mr. Pirie uses the specter detector (paddle ball) by bouncing the stringed ball back and forth from the paddle board.]
 * Mr. Pirie: Stay back, I'm well-armed!
 * [Balloony and Flower moan ghostly. Balloony and Flower walk by with a barrel, making it look like it is floating by. Mr. Pirie hits the ball faster.]
 * Mr. Pirie: I'm warning ya!
 * [Balloony and Flower moan. Balloony or Flower stops the ball. Balloony or Flower then cuts the string.]
 * Mr. Pirie: [shivering] Ooh!
 * Balloony and Flower: [quietly] Boo.
 * [Mr. Pirie breaks out of his armor and screams.]
 * Mr. Pirie: I gotta get out of here!
 * [He runs to the doors, but they don't open.]
 * Balloony: You can't escape, Pirie. We've glued the door shut.
 * [The door is held closed with a long strip of glue. The scene shows the side of the Krusty Krab.]
 * Mr. Pirie: [off-screen] You'll never get me!
 * [Mr. Pirie tries to break through the window, but instead of shattering, the window stretches like elastic and slingshots him backwards, and he crashes into a table]
 * Flower: Nice try, Pirie, but we replaced all the glass with rubber!
 * [Mr. Pirie dives into the toilet, but gets stuck. He pulls himself out and sits on the floor, dazed]
 * Balloony: Too late, Pirie, we've already clogged all the toilets. [The toilet is stuffed with toilet paper. Mr. Pirie cowers in a corner.]
 * Mr. Pirie: Please, spirits, leave me be.
 * [Flower laughs.]
 * Flower: [while Mr. Pirie is incoherently begging for his life] We got him good, Balloony.
 * Balloony: [while Mr. Pirie is incoherently begging for his life] Wait, Flower, I've got one more idea. [to Mr. Pirie] You're going to pay, Pirie.
 * Mr. Pirie: [shaking with fear] No, spirits, please!
 * Balloony: Pay!
 * [a dollar floats in the air]
 * Mr. Pirie: No!
 * Balloony: [high-pitched] Pay! [lights a match]
 * Mr. Pirie: No! Don't burn me for a dollar! [grabs a bucket of water and throws it at the dollar. The water drips on Balloony and Flower, making them reappear. They laugh, not noticing they're visible.] Well, well, well, if it isn't Balloony and Flower.
 * Balloony: [wiggling his arms and legs like a ghost] I know not these names of which you speak.
 * [Flower looks down and notices that he is visible.]
 * Flower: Uh, Balloony. Balloony, we're visible again. [Balloony looks down, then he and Flower scream and cover their lower halves. Mr. Pirie lifts them up by the back of their necks as they try to run.]
 * Mr. Pirie: So you two are the Bikini Bottom ghosts.
 * Balloony: We're really sorry, Mr. Pirie. Please don't chop us into little pieces and eat 'em.
 * [Mr. Pirie puts them down.]
 * Mr. Pirie: Hey, come on, boys, I'm hip! I pulled my share of pranks when I was your age. Had me some laughs. That's what we did tonight, right? We had a good laugh. Come on, laugh with me. [they all laugh.] Uh, any particular reason you boys are naked?
 * Balloony: Yeah, the invisible paint stains clothes.
 * [Mr. Pirie laughs]
 * Mr. Pirie: Of course it does. Well, you two better hurry home before someone sees ya nude.
 * Balloony: Yeah, I think I'd die of embarrassment if that happened.
 * Flower: Me too.
 * Mr. Pirie: Woo, now we wouldn't want that, would we? It's getting late now. You two pranksters better get going.
 * Balloony: Mr. Pirie, thanks for being such a good sport.
 * Mr. Pirie: [off-screen] Don't mention it.
 * [Balloony and Flower walk into the dining area.]
 * Balloony: That Mr. Pirie, always looking out for me. What a guy.
 * Flower: Yeah.
 * [A white, round light shines on Balloony and Flower. The scene pans out to show a crowd of people consisting of: Tom, Melissa Sue, Miss. Bowman, Book, Coiny, Horace, Sudi my guy, Nathiel Waters, the red shirt Frank, Jimmy-Gus, Sadie, Ding Dong, Nazz-Mimi, Purple Scooter, Dennis Rechid, Martin, an anchovy, two Frankie Billys, Clay, and Franco.]
 * Mr. Pirie: The Krusty Krab presents... live nude pranksters! [He is shown shining the light on them from the crow's nest] Starring the Bikini Bottom Ghosts!
 * [Ding Dong, Sadie, Sudi, my guy, Martin, Abigail Marge, and Frank are shown cheering. Balloony and Flower scream while trying to cover themselves up. Mr. Pirie laughs teasingly. Book whistles at them as Miss. Bowman takes a picture. Coiny laughs. Balloony and Flower keep trying to cover themselves.]
 * Balloony: Flower!
 * Flower: Yeah?
 * Balloony: [Scene cuts to the outside of the Krusty Krab] We should have bought the whoopee cushion! [Balloony lets out a crying yell as the episode ends. A person wolf whistles in cheers.]