Taco and Remote in Scaredy Taco (Alt Version)

French Narrator: Halloween is no different under the waves. Pirates, skeletons, and sea monsters. [laughs evilly] Ohh, sorry. Everyone having fun. Well, almost everyone. [Taco is washing the dishes in the Krusty Krab kitchen. The door creaks open, and Taco jumps in surprise]

Taco: Huh? Who's there? [door creaks open some more as Taco goes back to washing some dishes. Turns around and three pieces of paper spelling out "boo" turn on the ordering turntable. Taco speeds up the cleaning of the dishes until he finishes]

Taco: Okay, Teardrop, the dishes are done, i'm leaving! [tries running out, but Teardrop stops him in his tracks]

Teardrop: Hold on. Don't you want to hear my annual scary story?

Taco: Yeah. Okay. Let me hear. [Teardrop uses his annual sales trick for stories]

French Narrator: Ooooh. It's a classic.]

Taco enters and checks his watch, annoyed at the interruption. [farts and then is startled by a giant fart]

Teardrop: Have a seat, me boy. [runs while saying "hot, hot, hot when carrying the campfire" sits on a log. Teardrop puts a campfire in the middle of them] Every year on Halloween night, the Flying Ghost Man descends on Pillary Ruins, in a pirate ship, just like this. [holds up a Krabby Patty] Only bigger!

Taco: Excuse me, did his ship look like a Krabby Patty?

Taco: Hey, didn't i just say he looks just like me?

Reverse angle on Boggis, Bunce, and Sharky. They all can't believe what they're seeing.

Mr.Squid: Yes.

Billy: Does the Krabby Patty look like me?

Woody: Yes. Even Shrek is kinda fooled.

Teardrop: Whoa!

Teardrop: Like i was saying, the Flying Ghost Man swoops down and starts stealing people's souls. [holds up a pickle]

Taco: Do souls look like pickles?

Teardrop: Soul's not of any flavor; it's all starchy.

Taco: Gahhh! That tastes like.bla bla bla.

Teardrop: This guy.

Taco: Thanks.

Teardrop: So basically what i do is, i kidnap the soul and then i turn it into me.

Taco: Yeah.

Teardrop: So basically Teardrop can be anything he wants and still be you, man.

Taco: [waves them off] No way!

Teardrop: And he puts them where you can never get them. in his soul bag. [drops the pickle into a bag that has the words "Krusty Krab" crossed out and the word "soul" written above it. Teardrop laughs evilly as Woody appears behind Taco in a pirate suit]

Woody: i've come for your pickle. [Taco jumps up screaming] i've come for your pickle! Go get it, Woody! Get it! (Taco falls into the goop and gets obliterated.) Get it.get it. Oof. (Woody appears on theatmeal in his regular clothes. He nods.)  (back to bowl)

Mr. Krazy Kong: [looks at bowl] i don't get it.

Mr. Krazy Kong: [looks closely at Taco] Ah, Taco! Scaredy Taco gets easier to scare every year! [Woody takes his costume off as Taco, in a barrel, sees the pirate was Woody, then he and Teardrop laughs]

Taco: Humph, Woody!

Teardrop: Nothing like a good ghost story, eh, me boy? Hope you're not too scared to come to me party tonight, Taco ScaredyTaco! [They leave, after saying goodbye]

Teardroppa and Taco: He-he-he-he!

Mr. Moustache: Nice job today, Woody!

Mortimer: Nah nah nah nah nah nah.

Mortimer runs off. Woody has to leave too. Woody looks down at his feet. He has nothing to wear. He looks upset. Brent already left. Alone, with nothing to wear, he looks at Taco. Taco looks confused.

Woody: [walks up behind Taco] Steal your soul. [Taco jumps out of the Krusty Krab screaming and beings to walk home. As he is walking home, he sees a jack-o-lantern and then he walks up to a kid in a cowboy costume]

Kid: Twick-ow-tweat! [Taco screams and runs away. The kid’s parents walk up next to their son]

Mother: It's okay, son. That's just Taco ScaredyTaco. [Taco is walking home until Four drives up and honks the horn, sending Taco screaming and jumping to hold onto the street light]

Four: Happy Halloween, ScaredyTaco. [drives off laughing]

Taco: The name's Taco. It's Taco! [it kicks up a cloud of dust]

Taco: Hello, Woody! [Taco runs over to Tempera and races up to the front door]

Tempera: Taco! [Taco runs over to the sign on the door and looks at it and opens it]

Taco: [Cut later at his house, inside a pumpkin. Taco and Fish are inside of it] i don't get it, Fish. Every Halloween, no matter how hard i try, everybody scares me.

Fish: Bloop.

Taco: [carves his pumpkin from the inside] Well, i'm sick of it. [Taco comes out] No more ScaredyTaco! [notices his pumpkin and screams while running into his closet] This guy looks kinda hot!

Taco: [looking around] Wow. It's really neat. Now why am i pwombing around looking at this stuff?

Remote: Taco!

Taco: Fish, it's Remote! i'm going to scare him! It's my turn. [opens the door and tries to scare Remote] Rawr! [Remote has some funny glasses on]

Remote: Hiya, Taco!

Taco: Good to meet you! [Remote has a long shirt that reads, ""If Only!" With smiley faces]

Taco: Be right there! [Remote hauls the clothes over his head]

Taco: Hello Taco! [Remote enters]

Remote: Sweetheart! What a lovely day outside! Hey, where's that boyfriend of yours of whom you were telling me about before?

Taco: Oh. Bane's not here yet.

Taco: That's because he's been on a boat! From Greenland! With a bunch of Vikings! He's got a boat he's building and making it snow in an enchanted forest!

Remote: Really?

Taco: Yup, he's been here all day.

Remote: Wow!

Taco: He seems really nice.

Taco: Why can't i be frightening for once? Where's my chance?

Remote: Well, if you want to be scary, you got to need a good costume. [later, Taco walks out of his closet with a big, white sheet on]

Taco: What do you think?

Remote: Great! You're going as my trick-or-treat bag!

Taco: No, no! i'm the ghost of the Flying Ghost Man! What?

Remote: Ah, so you got it! You've really been doing some scaring, huh? i'm just as scared as you are. You're my guy!

Taco: No, no, wait! i'm the ghost of the Flying Ghost Man! i have a family! i have to live forever! There's just no other way!

Remote: Yo, yo, yo.

Taco: No!

Remote: Uhh. something's missing. i know! [Remote runs inside Taco's closet. a tree falls down but then gets sawed down by Remote. Remote comes out with a pair of clogs] Step into these babies, Hans. [Taco steps into the clogs] Terrifying.

Taco: i don't know, Remote. [doorbell rings]

Remote: Come on, Taco. It's little kids! Little kids are easy to scare! [door opens]

Kids: Trick-or-treat!

Taco: [jumps out and tries to scare the kids like he did Remote] Rawr-rawr! [kids laugh]

Kid 1: Look, it's the haunted mattress!

Kid 2: Somebody's going to get kicked in the head!

Kids: Don't worry, i'm not wearing a mask.

Taco: Everyone outta my room! [kids walk away laughing]

Taco: i don't get it, Remote.

Remote: Taco, look at my new paper ghost! [Remote holds scissors in his right hand a has a puppet on his left hand] Oooh, scary. [a pirate is watching a football game on the tv]

[Remote mimes ruffling hair with his left hand and having snicker faced]

Tom: What is it Remote?

Remote: Laugh, guys. [All laugh and give thumbs up]

Taco: i think my test is tomorrow, but what about you guys? How are you feeling about me?

Remote: i'm feeling pretty good about you guys. Everyone thinks they're awesome, and we all want to do whatever we can to make you happy, Taco.

Woody: i don't know about that, Remote.

Remote: We all care about you, Woody.

Announcement: r.f. u. day! The grate, by Peter Van Bleeck. Present of Mr. Terrance andolla and r.f.u. staff, fifteen Woody students, dressed as treasure hunters.

Taco: Is it the boat?

Remote: It's the boat! [Remote brings a bunch of treasure sticks to his ear]

Taco: When we go up for the v.s.a.r. here, we're taking forever to find the tree, because our telescopes won't take us where we're looking! [Remote and the kids can hear a high frequency sound like babbling fish]

Woody: We are just looking for the door to the treehouse Remote! i said we are looking for the door to the treehouse! We are going to look until we find the treehouse. We could be in there. We could be in there Remote.

Taco: i have a square head and a real ghost has a round one. All we have to do is make my head round and boo, i'm scary! [Taco is now sitting on a chair in his bathroom. Remote has goggles on]

Remote: Okay, are you ready?

Taco: [shows paper ghost] Remember, like this. [Remote razors off Taco's sides]

Remote: Are you sure you want to do this?

Taco: [shakes his head] Yes. [points] This is the important part.

Taco: [taps skin around his chin] Yes. [points at eyes] These are the eyes.

Remote: Okay. The eyes are important. Are you ready? [Remote runs his hand along his temples and locks eyes with Taco]

Remote: Okay, now. [Remote extends his hand and sees an arrow on the wall, then lifts it to Taco]

Taco: It's worth a shot. [Remote is about to walk over to Taco]

Remote: Don't! Do not touch that! i mean it!

Taco: Okay. [crosses his fingers and nods]

Remote: Go. [takes arrow and slides Taco into his bath]

Remote: It's so warm. [Taco giggles]

Taco: Yeah, it's so warm. It's so warm it's slippery.

Remote: Okay, okay. You got me. i'll save you. i'll save you. [walks up to basin]

Remote: i'll save you if it's the last thing i ever do. [dumps arrow into the arrowhole]

Remote: Now, get your ghost hands. [Taco crawls up to Remote and holds onto his waist]

Remote: Okay, go! [walks out of frame and closes door. Later, Taco is a round ghost]

Taco: What do you think?

Remote: Perfect. Now that's scary! [Remote puts on his funny glasses] Let's go scare somebody. [Taco runs down a street trying to scare people]

Taco: Oooh. i'm the Flying Ghost Man!

Remote: Oooh. i don't know who i am! [man opens door]

Taco: Rawr! Rawr! i'm the Flying Ghost Man!

Remote: Oooh, i'm the Flying Ghost Man's best friend! [both run off laughing]

Taco: Wait. What about the Man from Happy Isles?

Remote: Oooh. Give me a break. You're such an easy mark! [The Man from Happy Isles approaches Remote]

The man from happy Isles: Who are you!?

Remote: Remote! Come on. i'm just your best friend!

The man from happy Isles: oooooh!

The flying ghost man: friends!

the flying ghost man and the man from happy Isles: Haha! [They hug each other]

Remote: Wait, i got to go! [He gives him hug]

The flying ghost man: You too?

Remote: Yeah.

Taco: Who should we scare next?

Remote: There's a whole party just full of people down at the Krusty Krab and the Flying Ghost Man is going to show up uninvited. [kids laughing] Oh! Here comes someone now! [Taco jumps out to scare the kids from earlier]

Taco: Rawr! Rawr! i'm the Flying Ghost Man! [Taco & Remote run off laughing again]

Kid 2: Wasn't that the Haunted Mattress?

Kid 3: i guess he's been demoted to a haunted sleeping bag! [kids laugh.] We feel here! Who's next?

The teacher asks Taco to answer when Taco looks up, startled. The teacher motions to the teacher next to her. She smiles as she holds up her bowl of cereal. She sets her bowl of cereal on top of a large book shelf and begins to pour a bowl of milk over it. Suddenly the book shelf begins to descend, a second smaller book shelf below it. It descends and slams onto the cereal bowl. Taco screams as he runs from the class.

[Later, Teardrop is bobbing for apples with his daughter Tempera, who is dressed up as Frankenstein's bride. Teardrop successfully bobs an apple, but accidentally swallows it. Teardrop chokes on an apple]

Tempera: Oh, TD, you're embarrassing me again! [cries and runs off. Teardrop spits out the apple which shoots past Woody and SparkleHeart, breaking a window off-screen in the process]

SparkleHeart: Howdy, Woody, i mean, Flying Ghost Man. Great party, huh?

Woody: What are you supposed to be?

SparkleHeart: Why, i'm a pet goldfish in a bowl!

Woody: i don't get it. Why?

SparkleHeart: Stumped, TD. Um.

Woody: Taco. What?

SparkleHeart: We all get scared when Taco pukes in a bowl. [Taco and Remote are on the roof of the Krusty Krab. Taco is tied up with some rope which Remote will lower him in with. Taco opens a door on the roof to peek through to look at the party]

Remote: Are you ready, Taco? [thumbs up from Taco]

Taco: Okay, Remote, kill the lights! [The lights go out. Taco just keeps looking on. Remote begins talking through a megaphone to scare everyone. Teardrop even hides in the apple barrel]

Remote: Wa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! i am the Flying Ghost Man! Booga, booga, booga, booga! Give me your souls! [The crowd quiets down a bit. Mr. Darcy hands him a knife. Mr. Elbert and Mr. Collins march forward]

Mr. Darcy: Your children are all waiting for you to come back home. [a jellyfish comes up behind Remote and zaps him in the butt.]

Remote: Huh? [Remote stands there a few seconds. He screams and starts running around in circles] Ow! Ow!

Taco: Whoa! [flails around in and around, then dangles upside down, revealing his pants]

Kid 3: [notices Taco's pants] Hey, that's no Ghost Man, that's Taco!

Squid: i'm not Squeezy! [He finally pulls it on]. Nope.

Taco: [still dangling] Help! Help!

Remote: [using megaphone] i am not Taco. Those are my street clothes! [thunder appears and the front doors are open]

Taco: [as the approaching villains start to chant] Help!

Remote: [attacking them and the mic clicks] Oooh!

Remote: [he strikes at Taco and the restaurant)

Taco: [makes his way up the stairs as the villains follow him up the stairs and Remote attacks them and they chant] i’m Remote! i’m Remote! ---

Flying Ghost Man: Enough! [everyone gasps as green smoke comes into the Krusty Krab. a green figure appears, it turns out to be the Flying Ghost Man. He does an evil laugh making everyone scream in terror.]

Teardrop: It's the real Flying Ghost Man! [he faints]

Flying Ghost Man: You bet your white lily livers i'm the Flying Ghost Man. And i'm gonna let you in on a little secret. i'm going to steal your souls. [everyone screams] Quiet! [breathes out flames to burn them] You had it coming, you little crybabies. Every year, people dressing up like me. [Woody takes his costume off and whistles nonchalantly] Turning the Flying Ghost Man name in a laughingstock. But that's not the reason i'm taking your souls. [pointing at Taco, who is hanging upside down] No, this is the straw that broke the camel's back. Out of all the Ghost Man costumes i've seen, yours is the most insulting. Even though it's perfectly legal, people don't really look at a Flying Ghost Man costume in the street. Well. They don't. [cackles, then cuts the rope holding Taco, and he falls to the floor] Let me tell you about scary, kid. There's all kinds of scary things in the world. Spiders are scary, uhh, i'm scary. You. you're not scary. Okay, let's get this over with. [flies back to the partygoers to steal their souls and evilly laughs in their faces again which makes everyone scream in terror again, one fish even shaking his head begging for mercy]

SparkleHeart: Taco!

Flying Ghost Man: First, i gotta get rid of this stupid costume. [removes Taco's ghost costume]

Taco: Why you gotta go to such a grrreat place, too, Ghost Man? [The Flying Ghost Man flies out of the Krusty Krab screaming. Taco is now shown as skinless with just a brain, eyes, and a mouth with the lower half of his body]

[The animated "Taco" and we see the body of a large burly guy]

[The loud oomph continues but spongy whirls around and spits blood across the ground.]

Finally- The interior of the airship is unrecognizable, anyone who has ever seen this cartoon will know that the craft is very, very sad. The entire inside of the airship looks like the bowels of hell. There are flames shooting out, lava bubbling, blood oozing out of spots on the cabin. Hissing wind comes from the vents above him. Back at the Tree Trunk. He looks at himself in the reflection in the mirror, and his face- Smiley Face. back to scene The Krusty Krab begins to open up, books fly out and bounce all over. Everyone else, except Remote and Taco himself, runs out screaming.

Taco: It worked, Remote. i scared everybody!

Remote: Yeah, i guess it was your pink hat.

Taco: Pink hat? Oh, that's not a hat. That's my brain.

Remote: Ohh. This is the thing.

They take off after the others. Remote and the others see the Octamobots.

Remote: i know what you're thinking. Only, i didn't know what i were thinking.

Remote fires up his spark shooter and comes after the others.

R2D2: Hey! Stop him!

Donkey: Can i try one? One of us has got to take him down. i'm in! Take the wheel! i'll do the fighting!

Remote: Ooo!

And as he follows the others, R2D2 stands in the path of Remote.

R2D2: i'm afraid that one's mine. (leaving, he kicks the tail off of an Octamobot that's right behind him) [We see they have formed a gauntlet] Yeah! Yeah! There goes that sucker!

Taco: Hey, nobody gets my flesh!

Trivia

 * Teardrop talks in this episode.